I Am a Cowardly Man

The Church of Pamires merging into the Church of Order? If this news were leaked, it would strike like a thunderbolt. This was not destruction; it was annexation! In ecclesiastical circles, annexation was far harder to swallow than annihilation. When a church was destroyed, the embers could still spark back to life. Otherwise, there wouldn't be so many cultists lurking in the shadows across the world, quietly growing their numbers, accumulating strength, and waiting for an opportunity to rise again. Yet if a church was "annexed," the god they worshipped would be reduced to a subordinate branch deity within another pantheon. Legally and doctrinally, it snapped the church's very foundation. Even in the previous epoch, during the age when gods waged war and slaughtered one another, such occurrences were exceedingly rare—let alone in this epoch, when gods no longer manifested. Karen could only marvel inwardly at the architect of this grand design. The person responsible possessed immense vision and absolute control. Once successfully executed, every priest of the Church of Pamires would have to prefix their worship with "Praise Order" whenever they praised Pamires. The Church of Order could then use this method—far more shocking than outright destruction—to declare to the entire ecclesiastical world: Order remained supreme! The deeper warning went further: *If you dare continue provoking the majesty of Order, Order will not hesitate to march forth and swallow you whole.* *Does that mean old Saman doesn't have to die?* Karen felt a surge of relief. Thank goodness he had told Alfred to haul the refrigerator home today. Once Neo gave his team members enough time to digest the news, he continued: "This mission will be far more dangerous than our previous security details, with an exponentially higher risk profile. Not only will the other orthodox churches be reluctant to see the Church of Order pull off this annexation, but there is bound to be fierce resistance within the Church of Pamires itself. "The former may make arrangements in hopes of disrupting the process. "The latter, out of devotion to the god Pamires, may resort to suicidal methods to demonstrate their loyalty. "We will be facing tremendous pressure. Therefore, every single one of you must be mentally prepared for how grueling this will be. Not the slightest carelessness will be tolerated. "Don't forget, we now have two external squad members waiting in the wings for an open spot." "Understood, Captain!" "Understood, Captain!" Neo pressed a clenched fist against his chest. The others mimicked the gesture, and Richard hurriedly followed suit. "Remember, we are a pack of hunting dogs! Between hunting dogs..." Everyone chanted in unison: "No fleeing, no giving up, no betrayal!" The meeting drew to a close. Because the mission commenced tomorrow night, the dinner gathering originally planned for this evening had to be called off; everyone needed to assemble early tomorrow morning to finalize preparations. Richard moved closer to Karen and whispered, "So you've been on this squad for a while?" "Only a little earlier than you." "Um, I have a question... Did you really knock up the princess of Dark Moon Island...?" "That's just a rumor. Miss Ophelia and I merely got along well. Nothing more." "It really *was* you?!!" "It was him! It was definitely him!" Peige leaned in, cupping her lower abdomen with both hands to mimic being pregnant. "I saw with my own eyes the princess waddling up the gangway of her cruise ship just like this!" After her joke, Peige leaned against Karen, brazenly rubbing her firm, athletic hips against his waist. "Earlier, Fanny asked me if I regretted anything." "Regretted what?" "Regretted not taking you by force back then. I'm afraid I've missed my chance now, sigh. If I had listened to the captain and dragged you into the woods, would it have worked? If I tried that now, would you tie me to a tree, dust off your hands, and walk away?" Fanny strolled over as well, leaning against Karen from the other side, her fingertip tracing circles across his chest. "Tomorrow night, the three of us get to share a bed again." Standing nearby, Richard's eyes widened in sheer, unadulterated shock—not envy, but utter disbelief! He was still agonizing over how to fit into the squad's dynamic, yet Karen was already the center of it. To be fair, by any standard, both Peige and Fanny were stunning women. Peige's style leaned somewhat avant-garde, but to those who appreciated it, she was exceptional. As for Fanny, she exuded the quintessential secretary charm, balancing cool intellect with alluring grace. However, both women were true roses with thorns—thorns that wouldn't just prick your fingers, but stab straight through your heart. "Right, working another mission together. Sounds great." Karen reached out, gently nudging Peige's hip aside, and caught Fanny's wandering hand to make her behave. "Ah, look at him spurning us already," Peige lamented. "Yes, indeed. We're growing old. When offered on a silver platter, he doesn't even want a bite, claiming it'd get stuck in his teeth," Fanny chimed in. "Alright, I'm heading back. Have to take out my nose and lip rings again." "I think you should prepare some spicier outfits," Fanny teased. "Before thinking about dragging him into the woods, you should know that even if you stripped naked and lay beside him, he probably wouldn't bat an eye." "Fair point. Next time I'll borrow your clothes for some contrast. Lend me two of your pencil skirts; I'll wear one and let Karen rip the other just for fun." With a wave to Karen, the two women headed up the stairs, their playful bickering continuing all the way out. "I think you have a very high standing here," Richard remarked, knowing full well he was stating the obvious. "Not long ago, my standing was the same as yours." "Really?" "Yes. In time, you'll reach it too," Karen said, offering a word of comfort to his younger cousin. He naturally preferred giving people something hopeful to hold onto. "Wait, but you told me you were only a God's Servant." "Just like you, it's only what's written on my credentials." "So my instincts were right after all! I yearned to join Captain Neo's squad, which was why I felt an immediate kinship when I saw you. Phew... so that's what it was." Richard sighed in relief, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Oh, right. For tomorrow's mission, can I participate?" "Wait for Fanny's notice. She's usually in charge of formulating the operational plan, and the squad executes it." "Right, got it. I'll wait by the phone when I get home." Karen walked out of the warehouse and got into his car. A moment later, Richard climbed into the passenger seat. "Isn't that your car?" Karen pointed to the vehicle parked ahead. Everyone else had already driven off, so that expensive-looking car had to belong to Richard. "Could you give me a ride home? I'm too keyed up right now; I shouldn't be driving." In truth, Richard simply wanted to spend more time around Karen. "I have somewhere else to be, so it's not convenient. Drive yourself back. We're seeing each other tomorrow anyway. Since you're officially on the squad, Fanny will assign you a post." Karen wasn't sure what role Richard would get. The close-protection detail would undoubtedly be the same trio as last time: himself, Peige, and Fanny. Three was the ideal number. Adding or removing a person would make things awkward and inefficient. As for having Richard join the captain's group on the perimeter for covert surveillance, Richard likely lacked the requisite experience. What would they assign him to do? Hotel elevator attendant? "Well... alright then. See you tomorrow." "Oh, and please keep my identity between us. It isn't suitable for me to reveal who I am, because..." "I know, I understand! I won't say a word to Father or Grandfather, don't worry!" Karen blinked. He hadn't even come up with an excuse yet—what on earth had Richard understood? Watching Richard walk away toward his car, Karen smiled. It genuinely felt like two cousins conspiring to keep a family secret. Regardless, his cousin had an agreeable temperament. Karen started the engine and drove toward Ivy Cemetery. *** Night had deepened, and the cemetery gates were locked shut. Karen parked outside and tapped the horn a few times. "Keep it down! Keep it down! Are you trying to wake the people lying in the ground?!" Old Saman trudged out in a huff and unlocked the gates. As Karen drove inside, Saman muttered under his breath, "Almost forgot, you Order folks really *can* haul corpses out of their graves." Karen parked and walked over to the steps. A small coal stove sat unlit, beside which rested a cooking pot and some pre-cut vegetables. "You're early. It's not late-night snack time yet," Saman grunted. "The meeting ended early, so I came straight over. Though I won't be able to visit for a while after this; I have a mission. Once it's over, I'll come cook dinner for you again." "Heh, the moment you drag my refrigerator home, a mission conveniently pops up. Could you be any more pragmatic, kid?" Karen pulled out a lighter, ignited a few wood shavings, and dropped them into the little stove. He stacked small kindling on top, waiting for the flames to catch before setting a honeycomb briquette over them. "I have good news for you." "What good news?" "You don't have to die." Karen looked at Saman. "The Church of Pamires won't be destroyed." "Your captain already told me." "Oh? When?" "Around noon, before you came by earlier today." "And you still let me take your refrigerator?" "I promised to give it to you. No point going back on my word." Saman set the pot on the stove, tossed in two cubes of Karen's homemade hotpot base, and poured in water from a bucket. "And you still went along with planning your funeral with me this afternoon?" "At my age, a funeral is long overdue anyway. Besides, I've already gifted you the fridge, and your servant took the pipe and flute home. Whenever I kick the bucket, arranging my final rites is your job." "Fair enough. I'll see to it." The two sat opposite each other, waiting for the pot to boil. With the briquette just catching, it would take some time. Saman suddenly let out a soft sigh, leaning forward. "The weather's finally going to turn for the better." "It is." Karen used to think Ruilan's winters were miserable, but Wien, surrounded on all sides by the ocean, endured truly tormenting winters. "For an old man, surviving a winter means surviving another year," Saman said with a faint smile. "Congratulations, then." "Do you know what I saw in you the very first time we met?" "You saw that I wasn't the real Pavaro?" "No. I mean the first time I saw you as your true self, when you and your captain drove that hearse over. Before heading back, you ate the pasta I'd cooked for myself." "Oh? What was it?" "Back then, I saw an attitude in you." "A youthful attitude?" Saman let out a dry chuckle, his tone dismissive. "I've never seen youth in you. The more well-mannered a person is, the further they are from youth." "Then what did you see?" "I saw your attitude toward life, toward living. I saw someone trying very hard, and very deliberately, to savor every taste of life." "Did you?" "I did. Truly young people don't know how to cherish things, because they believe time is the one thing they have in endless supply. Most people only learn to actively cherish something when they realize they're on the verge of losing it. "Have you ever lost something?" "Lost what?" Karen shrugged. "It's not like I've lost my life before. That would be absurd." "Yet that's the feeling you give me." Saman gazed toward the distant rows of tombstones. "I like talking to them. They never answer, but I can imagine their replies. You know, whenever you talk with me, I always feel like I'm talking to them. "Death can be an end, but it can also be a quiet settling." "What's gotten into you today?" Karen asked. "Is it because of the emotional swing from the news?" "No, I am completely calm." The broth came to a boil, and Karen began dropping in the ingredients. This time, he had asked Alfred to bring a pair of chopsticks. "What kind of cutlery is this?" Saman picked up a pair and mimicked Karen's grip. His fingers were surprisingly nimble, picking up the technique with remarkable speed. They ate hotpot together, but an unspoken solemnity hung between them. Even Karen, skilled as he was at conversation, couldn't lift the mood. Karen knew the issue didn't lie with him; it lay entirely with old Saman. "I'm full." Saman set his chopsticks down. "It was delicious, but it came too soon after my dinner. Left me without much of an appetite for a midnight snack." "You could have told me. We could have eaten later." "I could tell you hadn't eaten dinner yet." "Right. Our squad's dinner tonight was cancelled because of tomorrow's mission." "Then it's the same thing. Sometimes you keep me company for a late snack, and sometimes I keep you company." "Fair enough." Karen finished eating and stood up to clear the dishes, but Saman stopped him. "Go home and get some rest. Don't you have a mission tomorrow?" "Something is definitely off with you today." Karen walked over and looked at him intently. "Go on home. Do your job well. Once the mission is over, come back here straight away. Don't dawdle, or I'm afraid you won't make it in time. Or have that manservant of yours wait here for me beforehand. He's a good fellow—witty, meticulous. In short, I'm quite looking forward to my funeral." "What do you mean by that?" Karen asked. "It sounds as though you plan to hold your funeral the very night my mission ends." "Yes, precisely." "Why? The Church of Pamires can live on. It's nothing more than an added formality. I thought you would be able to see past that." Old Saman offered a gentle smile. "Some will choose quiet acceptance, believing that even after being absorbed, they can still maintain their faith and traditions. "Some will choose defiance, believing the god they revere cannot suffer the slightest stain, and will express their devotion through direct, violent means. "Yet I belong to neither. "I cannot bring myself to accept it quietly, nor do I possess the will to stand up and fight. "Just like time, which can never be made to stop, "I can only choose to pause the pendulum clock that belongs to me. "I am a cowardly man, after all. "Because... "I only wish to linger forever in the yesterday night when I still had him, and will never allow myself to step into the tomorrow morning when I lose him."