We Are Family

"I killed your parents with my own hands." When his grandfather had said he intended to tell him the secret, Karen had braced himself. Even though he was still lying in bed, in his mind he had made allowance for some prelude or build-up. Yet he truly hadn't expected his grandfather would skip the opening cinematic entirely and drop a bombshell right off the bat. Perhaps, as he himself had suggested earlier, they needed to make the most of their time and say what needed to be said. "Your parents, like me, were Inquisitors of the Church of Order." Karen noted that Diss had said "Inquisitors," not merely "priests." According to Purr, orthodox churches might use different titles, but they all followed a specific sequence: Purifier—God's Servant; Inquirer—God's Revelation; Reflector—God's Shepherd. The fourth tier was Inquisitor. The first three tiers were something like grassroots civil servants, but reaching Inquisitor was akin to becoming an official in the traditional sense. Looking at Grandfather's position, an Inquisitor was comparable to the top leader of a local region. So "Karen's" parents had held genuinely high positions. With three Inquisitors hailing from the Inmerlais family, within the hierarchy of the Church of Order they could be considered a prominent clan—at least not one to be underestimated. "During a mission to hunt down and eradicate an aberrant demon, their souls were contaminated. That contamination was irreversible, beyond saving or reversing. At their begging, I chose to grant them release." Hearing this, Karen wasn't particularly surprised. Even Purr had said that Diss was someone who placed immense value on family, and the reason Diss hadn't killed him was also thanks to the borrowed identity of his grandson "Karen." Even though "Karen's" notebook had depicted Grandfather killing his parents, Diss had surely had his own unspeakable reasons. Although Diss spoke of it in an even, calm tone, Karen could empathize with just how agonized this family-loving man's heart must have been when he killed two of his own loved ones with his own hands. Still... contamination was irreversible? Earlier, when that Source of Sin copper coin contaminated Ron, it had been reversible and dispellable; Diss performed a Purge on Ron, and Ron returned to normal. Yet "his" parents had been irreversible. The difference was like Ron eating spoiled food and getting diarrhea, which could be cured with some medicine, while "his" parents had drunk paraquat, leaving no hope of survival. "Ever since then, you became a child without parents. And ever since then, I began to regret. I regretted bringing your father and mother into the church, and regretted even more how many family members the Inmerlais family had lost throughout history for the Church of Order, for the sake of dedication. "Almost every generation of the Inmerlais family had to endure the agony of a loved one's sudden departure. "What is even more ridiculous is that while our family runs a funeral parlor, we don't even have the right to hold a proper funeral for our departed kin." Karen remembered Purr mentioning that a priest's corpse would be "reclaimed." "So I made a decision: after I am gone, the Inmerlais family will leave the Church of Order forever. "I wanted Mason, Winnie, their children, you—my family—to never have to wade into the vortex of this world's dark side, but instead live out ordinary lives as ordinary people. "Even if ordinary people are destined to experience birth, aging, illness, and death, and are bound to face all sorts of accidents, that is far happier than witnessing those twists and cruelties firsthand, or having one's soul defiled to the point where even at the end, one cannot find peace." At this point, Diss gave a self-mocking smile. "In the end, I am a selfish man. The furthest distance my gaze can reach is only the entrance hall by our front door. "Perhaps when I was young, I carried the doctrines in my heart, shouted slogans about sacrificing everything for the Light of Order, and hoped to defend the Inmerlais family's honor within the Church of Order. "But now, "all I want is for my family to be healthy, safe, and if possible, a little happy." Diss's gaze drifted toward the window. Karen knew that Diss was no longer merely narrating a story to him; more than that, he was speaking from his heart. There were things he couldn't say to the rest of the family and could only keep bottled up inside. "I, Diss Inmerlais, am just such a worthless man." This was the most sincere confession from the heart of a stern old man. "Then you fell ill. Gravely ill. I did everything in my power, hoping to save you, but I failed. You still passed away." Karen fell silent. These words were tantamount to laying everything bare between them. "I lied to Mason and Mary, telling them I was taking you to a hospital in Belwin that specialized in treating your rare condition. But in truth, by the time I left with you, you had already stopped breathing. You were already dead. "I lost my son, my daughter-in-law, and left you without your parents. "And then, "I was going to lose you as well. "At one point, I suspected this was punishment from the God of Order for my disloyalty. He knew of my turning away from the Light of Order, so He deliberately sent down misfortune to snatch you away from me too. "While you were being treated, I repented. I even swore an oath that if the God of Order would restore my little Karen to health, I would devote the rest of my life unreservedly to the Church of Order and guard the Light of Order. "And the Inmerlais family would continue to carry on the Church of Order's glory, becoming its most loyal defenders. I would bring you into the church, and pass everything on to you. "Because our dedication would have at least been answered. "Yet, "you still died. "The God of Order did not grant my prayer. Perhaps He didn't even bother to listen." Diss's voice grew lower and lower. At last, he slowly raised his head, and continued with utter calm: "When I faced your remains, I said a single sentence—to you, and to the sky." Pausing, Diss spread his hands. It was as if he were reminiscing, or building up emotion— no, it was as though he were savoring it. He said: "Whore-bred God of Order!" When those words were uttered, Karen felt a momentary daze, as if the light and shadows before him had warped slightly. Karen knew this was merely psychological. Even though in his previous life he had had no religious faith and had never cared to kowtow before statues to pray for blessings, he still wouldn't have desecrated a god, let alone cursed one out loud. He wouldn't have dared to; he always felt it invited bad luck. Yet here, in a world where religion clearly possessed extraordinary power, an Inquisitor of the Church of Order, right to his face, had blasphemed and insulted God. "He took you away from me, but I refused to accept it. Because you were still young. Withdrawn from childhood, your life hadn't even begun to unfold; there was so much you hadn't seen or heard yet. "You shouldn't have departed like that. It wasn't fair to you. "Not fair to your father, to your mother, "to me, "or to the entire Inmerlais family! "So I sought out Mr. Hoffen. "Mr. Hoffen is a retired God's Shepherd of the Church of Principles, but his knowledge and abilities go far beyond those of an ordinary shepherd. He knows too many secrets, and knows how to manipulate and carry out those secrets. "I had saved his life once, and I sank low enough to use that debt as leverage. In the end, he agreed. "With his help, "in an abandoned factory in the suburbs of Belwin, I completed a god descent ritual of the highest tier. "Do you know, "Karen, "after the ritual was completed, "I didn't rush to flee. Even though I knew the commotion would draw the attention of the government and numerous major churches, I still spent three full minutes. "I pressed my ear against your chest, "and I heard your heart beating. "That joy intoxicated me. "This was not me casting the Awakening Technique on your remains—that would have been an empty shell, a flickering remnant candle, nothing more than self-deception. "Instead, "inside my grandson's body, "a soul filled it once more. "My grandson "was infused with life again. "My grandson... "he "had come back to life." Karen took a deep breath. He knew that the one who had returned was not "Karen," but him. So he, who had died in an accident, had his soul summoned by Diss into "Karen's" body, ultimately achieving "resurrection." His resurrection into this world wasn't random, nor was it mere luck. All of it had been Diss's deliberate plan. For a moment, a flicker of guilt stirred in Karen's heart. Because of him, Diss's plan to resurrect his grandson "Karen" had not actually succeeded. "I believe the reason that Alfred is willing to treat you with such deferential respect is that he probably guessed something—such as connecting you to that god descent ritual in Belwin. "Hoffen and Purr both helped me greatly when I was preparing the god descent ritual. But at the time, they probably didn't believe I could pull off a ritual of such high standing, so they likely acted out of a desire to grant an old man grieving over his lost grandson one last wish. "Yet to their surprise, "the god descent ritual succeeded. "And then, they began urging me relentlessly to kill this descended evil god while he was still weak." Karen pursed his lips. With things said up to this point, he was not worried that Diss would kill him. If Diss truly wanted him dead, he would have done it long ago. The old man was not indecisive. Indeed, how could an old man who dared curse the God of Order as whore-bred ever act hesitant and wishy-washy? Yet, Karen still asked out of curiosity: "Grandfather, then why didn't you kill me?" Karen knew asking this was a bit provocative. Yet only in front of Diss would he dare ask such a question. Hearing this, Diss asked, "What did you just call me?" "Grandfather." "Then you are my grandson." Karen suddenly laughed out loud. Lying in bed, he looked away from Diss and turned back toward the ceiling, asking once more: "Why?" Diss stood up, looking down at Karen in bed. "Why what?" "You know what I'm asking, don't you?" "Then what is the difference between you now and you in your mother's womb?" "There's a huge difference," Karen said. "A huge difference." I'm not that "Karen." No, to be precise, I'm not like "Karen" at all. He was withdrawn, timid, cowardly, while I am practically his polar opposite. Diss shook his head and said: "I asked: to me, what is the difference?" "To you..." "When my grandson was conceived in his mother's womb before being born, where did my feelings for that child come from? "Did I know his personality? "Did I know what kind of person he would be? "Did I know what faith he would hold when he grew up? "I didn't even know whether the child would be a boy or a girl. "Yet I still loved him. I looked forward to his birth, and even imagined him lying in a cradle after being born, waking and crying." "Is it because of blood...?" Karen asked, "Is it because flowing through this body is the same Inmerlais blood as yours?" "No." "No?" "The reason I was full of anticipation for the unborn child was because I knew that once he came into the world, once he learned to speak, he would call me... Grandfather." Karen fell silent. He finally realized that he had misunderstood Diss. He had misunderstood him all along. He had habitually tried to project standard reasoning onto Diss's mindset, but Diss was Diss. The way he viewed the world was different from ordinary people. Beneath his stern exterior, he was actually profoundly at peace. "After the god descent ritual was over, I pressed my ear to your chest. When I heard the heartbeat bursting forth anew within your body, it felt as though I had returned to the days when your mother was pregnant with you—standing aside with a stern face, yet with a heart brimming with hope that you would arrive early, safe and sound. "I had a premonition "that when you woke up, "you would call me Grandfather. "Yet I wasn't certain; deep down, I was nervous too. "So when I brought you home and you woke for the first time, our whole family gathered around you. "You looked around in complete bewilderment, examining every one of our faces, yet you didn't call out to anyone. My heart felt a little uncomfortable. "Still, I could understand. "After all, 'newborn' as you were, "facing a world so foreign, "how could you speak and greet people the moment you opened your eyes?" Only now did Karen recall the look Diss had given him when he first woke: relaxing, tense, relaxing, then tense again. When he had recalled that moment before, he thought it was because Diss had realized he wasn't "Karen" and was agonizing over whether to kill him. In reality, the man had known from the very beginning that "Karen" was never coming back. He was merely troubled—troubled over why Karen hadn't called out to family right away. "Heheheh..." Diss suddenly chuckled. "Two days after you woke, you started greeting everyone, and quite enthusiastically at that: your cousins, your uncle, your aunt, your other aunt, including me, your grandfather. "Do you know, "every time you called me 'Grandfather,' there was such a fawning ring to it that at first I could barely get used to it." "Hahahahaha..." Hearing this, Karen laughed heartily as well. He had been so timid back then, truly cowardly! Having arrived in an unfamiliar world, he could only rely on "family" to provide him with protection and the necessities of survival. Just like a newborn human infant arriving in the world, he too had effectively descended anew into another strange world. Diss reached out and tucked in the corner of Karen's quilt. "The God high above stole my grandson away, so I, Diss, insisted on snatching him back. "From the moment you opened your mouth and called me Grandfather, "it no longer mattered whether you were a true god or an evil god descended." Diss leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Karen's forehead. "I lost a family member, yet gained one in return, didn't I?" Karen nodded with utmost sincerity. "Yes, Grandfather." I like this family. I like this family very much. I like sensible cousins Mina and Lunt; I like well-behaved Chris; I like Uncle Mason, cynical and eccentric yet always taking on the responsibility of an elder; I like Aunt Mary, sharp-tongued but soft-hearted; I like Aunt Winnie, who seems strict on the outside yet is warm and gentle within; and I like you too, Diss. Don't you know how cool you looked just now when you blasphemed God? "Get some good rest and heal your wounds." Diss turned and opened the bedroom door. At that moment, Karen pushed himself up with effort, leaning to one side, and called to Diss's retreating back: "Grandfather, I'll make sure everyone in the family lives a peaceful, happy life in the future. I promise." Diss didn't look back, merely waved his hand, and said, "No need for you to worry about that yet." Then, he added: "Not before I'm gone."