Schizophrenic Neo

The meeting ended. Neo stepped outside and leaned against the balcony railing with both hands, letting the cold wind wash over him. To a Wien winter, sunlight was like gold coins tucked beneath an avaricious merchant's bed, rarely brought out into the open. Alfred walked out and came to a stop beside Neo. Pulling out a pack of Church of Thunder cigarettes, he drew one for himself and offered the rest to Neo. Neo took it. With a flick of his wrist, a cigarette flew up, flipped through the air, and landed neatly between his lips. *Click.* Alfred struck a match and lit Neo's cigarette first. "How wonderful. For Karen, and for all of you, everything is back on track. No—it's back at an even better starting point." "You're quite right. Today's meeting is destined to go down in history." "Even as an onlooker, watching it got my blood pumping a little. It felt like stepping into history." "No, you are no mere onlooker." "Sounds like you already consider me one of Karen's subordinates?" "I do not think so, nor would you. If this were a gamble, you would be the partner standing by the Young Master's side, looking at the hole cards together and discussing whether to call." Neo turned his head toward Alfred, blew a smoke ring, and chuckled. "I'm curious—how do you manage to stay so focused all the time?" "In what regard do you mean?" "Passion for a cause. Is it love? Faith? Habit?" "Are you rejecting my answer in advance?" "Heh, I want to hear your real thoughts." "There is no reason." Alfred looked toward the rooftops of the buildings ahead. "We are accustomed to spending far too much thought and energy coming up with reasons before we act. In truth, that is merely an illusion. Whether you do something or not usually has very little to do with the reasons you thought of beforehand. When a reason is truly needed, people usually just patch one together after the fact." "Patch one together, hm?" Neo flicked his ash. "I don't like that answer." "My meager ability prevents me from offering you an adequate answer on this subject." Alfred bowed slightly in apology. "Aside from not wanting you to die, the Young Master doesn't seem to have offered you an answer either." "He's just afraid he'll be lonely after I die." "Indeed. To the Young Master, you are the most special of all—different from the rest of us." "What a pity. I didn't manage to die this time. Who knows how long I'll have to wait for the next chance." Neo turned around, preparing to leave. Alfred remained where he was, facing Neo's back. After a few paces, Neo stopped and turned around. "Do you have something you want to say to me?" "Your condition is very poor right now." "Hm?" Alfred tapped his own forehead. "I know you borrowed the Dice Roller's power not long ago to seal your personalities. But after the accident in the cavern, I suspect the partial intrusion of divine pollution has destabilized the seal. Most importantly, with the Young Master's return today, your official standing within Order was formally erased. Your ship, steered by so many hands, has lost its true ballast." "Are you worried about me?" "Yes, indeed. I do not wish for my young master to be lonely." "Don't worry. I, Neo, will never die in a muddle." "That I believe. You will certainly choose the most spectacular way to go." Neo continued forward, raising a hand to wave. "See you around." "Preparations for the Young Master's servant purification ritual will take about two days. Will you be coming to observe?" "We'll see." ... Heading down the stairs, Neo was even humming a tune. Then a wave of dizziness washed over him. His gaze shifted continuously—from gloomy to contemplative, from placid to unhinged. He even lost his balance for a moment, forced to grip the banister with one hand to reorient his sense of space. Otherwise, he might very well have walked straight up the wall. He had that capability, after all; bats could hang from anywhere. That manservant was right. As expected of Compasini's inheritor, he had seen right through it. Even Karen hadn't noticed. Of course, it was natural Karen hadn't noticed; he couldn't even cast a simple detection spell right now. But the most important reason was that Karen had never viewed him as a 'patient.' That manservant, however, kept constant, vigilant watch over everyone around his young master. Neo tilted his head slightly and muttered to himself: "Did you really think that seal could hold me back completely? The moment you accepted my bloodline embrace, you were destined never to leave me, and you can forget about locking me away. Sometimes I don't know what you're hesitating for. Let go of everything, embrace the power of blood, and become my pilgrim. I will grant you true ecstasy. Isn't that what you need, Neo?" Neo cracked his neck and muttered to himself again: "Only true Light can help you cast off the troubles of the shadows and attain true personal salvation. Cast aside all grievances, unlock every shackle, let your heart choose, and accept the baptism of Light, Neo. Darkness and suppression are merely preludes. The luminous exit is waiting for you just ahead." Neo rolled his eyes—not from losing control of his facial nerves, but rather in utter disdain for the words he had just spoken in two distinct voices. An experienced old hound had long possessed his own guiding logic, rejecting all pretentious nonsense. Suddenly, Neo's eyes went wide. Hurrying down the stairs to the floor below, he produced a gem with his right hand, unlocked a door, and slipped inside. It was a clerical dormitory. When Neo entered, the rhythmic creaking of bed slats was drifting from the bedroom. *Squeak... squeak... squeeeeeeak—!* It happened to reach its finale. The noise ceased, replaced by a man's panting and a woman's disgruntled grumbling. The former Head of Investigation wasn't bored enough to spy on the private lives of a subordinate priest couple, even if he did possess the master gem that opened every barrier and formation across headquarters and the dormitories. Neo waved his hand to cast an isolation barrier, then dropped to his knees, his expression twisting into a savage grimace. Immediately after, a voice came from Neo's mouth: "Eh? Where is this?" Neo answered himself, "Mr. Luther, what is the meaning of this?" "Ah, it's you, heh, my apologies." "Mr. Luther, are you attempting a faith descent?" "No, no, no, how could I? You misunderstand, Neo. Karen trusted me enough to bring me back and put me in charge of the pollution in the cavern. How could I do such a thing? I was just lulling the child in my arms to sleep, singing a lullaby, when out of nowhere, as I hummed, I sensed you. You said yourself that I was welcome to visit." "I did, but shouldn't you give some advance notice?" "It's not my doing. The fault lies with you. Because of Karen, the pollution concentration here was thinned out dramatically. Though it will reconvene over time, at least for now..." "What happens for now?" "Because you absorbed a portion of primitive power of faith and exposed yourself to the divine pollution here, combined with the drop in pollution levels during this period, you now possess the ability to resonate with that power of faith. Like you said, I have a backdoor into you, but in truth, you deliberately left that door open when you wanted to 'steal' something. Besides, I didn't seek you out; you called out to me. I didn't come uninvited; you forced me here. Your condition looks rather severe. Did something else happen?" "What's the point of chatting with you?" Neo retorted. "You're not the real Luther in the cavern. You're just his manifestation." "Oh, so that's how it is. I understand now, heh. I really didn't realize it before; I thought I was the genuine article. Heh, so what am I now? I faintly see several others here. Am I like them, one of your personalities?" "Can you be quiet?" "Quiet?" Mr. Luther chuckled. "That's not up to me. I'm not me, but I am you. Every personality has a strong desire to express itself, like a bunch of children eager for praise from their parents." "Now, please go back for now, or shut up, alright?" "I refuse. Since I'm not my true self, whatever I do has nothing to do with him. Now, I shall begin my speech. *Ahem*, I have a dream..." "Dream my ass!" Neo's fingernails lengthened, and he felt an overwhelming urge to dig a hole right between his eyebrows, reach in, and choke each hyperactive little homunculus inside to death. Before he could act, however, the world went dead quiet. The whispering of the bloodthirsty aberrant demon forefather, the Mad Pope's preaching, and Mr. Luther's speech all cut off. "Neo, your condition is terrible right now." This was Philias. "I know, Philias. I know." "Have you lost your self-identity? That's directly disrupted your primary-secondary balance, which is why they've gotten so rowdy." "Yes." "You need to be careful. If this goes on, they'll become more and more active, and you won't be able to stop yourself from absorbing even more personalities." "I understand. I'll handle it." "Good. Neo, I'll keep them calm for you first." "Alright. Thank you, Philias." "No need. It's only right... After all, the horn of the voyage has sounded! Let us embark on a new journey! The mysterious seas and countless islands await our exploration and discovery..." Neo: "..." "My apologies, Neo. I was a bit influenced as well." "It's fine. Just keep your voice down. You're not as loud as they are." Neo stood up and dissolved the isolation barrier. In the bedroom, the couple's argument had grown louder. The woman was grilling the man about his flirtations with a female subordinate, blaming that for his lack of 'spiritual power' when casting spells on her. The man countered that he had been busy organizing Minister Neo's memorial service and was simply exhausted, leading to his poor performance. Neo frowned. He saw white flowers pinned to their clerical robes draped in the living room. *Heh, my memorial service isn't even over yet, and you two couldn't wait.* Neo left the room, walked down the stairs, and headed out of the dormitory building straight toward headquarters. The memorial service was still underway. Neo drifted through the crowd. Regional Chief Gaspol stood before the portrait, delivering a eulogy: "I apologize; Minister Karen was overcome with grief, aggravating his injuries, so he is unable to attend this memorial service. I shall deliver the eulogy on Minister Karen's behalf. "Today is a sorrowful day. My closest and most trusted comrade-in-arms, former Head of Investigation Neo, has left us forever..." *You've only been in office a few days. Are you and I that close?* Laughing internally, Neo wove through the mourners. He hadn't come to attend his own funeral; he had come to see old acquaintances. People like Peige, Fanny, Wend, and his other former subordinates. He paused by each of them for a moment, then chose to slip away as the eulogy neared its end. Just as Neo stepped out of the mourning hall, Peige and Fanny instinctively glanced around. They seemed to have caught a familiar presence, yet when they looked closely, nothing was there. At that moment, Gaspol's eulogy concluded: "Though Minister Neo has departed from us, he will forever stand beside us." Applause broke out, Peige and Fanny clapping with particular resonance. ... Neo exited the headquarters building, hailed a cab on the street, and gave the location of the cemetery. The driver was a chatty young man eagerly recommending two stocks to Neo, insisting they were about to skyrocket. Sitting in the back seat, Neo said, "Shut your mouth." The driver awkwardly went silent at once. Neo hadn't actually been talking to him; Philias was blowing a conch shell inside his head, filling his mind with a drone like the foghorn of an ocean liner. If even the gentlest and most orderly Philias had become this hyperactive, it was obvious how dreadful his mental state was. If Karen's exposure to divine pollution in the cavern had been a tsunami, Neo had merely taken a few squirts from a water gun. Yet those few squirts had dissolved the seal he had previously set. The real loss of control had been triggered by Karen's return today and the official revocation of his identity, closing the chapter on 'Minister Neo' and the 'Old Hound' forever. It was as if a severely mentally ill patient had suddenly suffered a massive shock, sending his condition spiraling downhill at high speed. *Damn it, I should have just died in the cavern and let that manservant skin his young master instead. He would've loved that, probably treated it as an honor.* Miserable as he felt, before getting out of the cab at his destination, Neo tapped the driver's seat and told him: "Take my advice: dump them immediately, or you'll be fighting the homeless by the alley for a spot next to the dumpster." Stepping out, Neo headed straight for the cemetery. The new cemetery keeper clearly wasn't as diligent as Old Saman. The gates were already shut before dark, the keeper having retreated inside to sleep. Neo turned into black mist and passed through the gates. Since Karen had acquired the power of sustained awakening, could Old Saman return to resume his duties? Old Saman was unquestionably conscientious; after all, his own wife's grave was here as well. Maybe he should just bury this irresponsible new keeper. Who knew, maybe the next one would be more responsible? Neo arrived before the tombstone of his wife, Eliza. There were no soulful gazes or hesitant jitters; the little conch shell in his head was still blowing *toot-toot*. Resting his right hand on the headstone, Neo knelt on one knee, pressed his forehead against the stone, and closed his eyes. ... Inside Neo's mindscape. In a setting resembling a reading room at the Wien Imperial Library, the bloodthirsty aberrant demon forefather was cackling shrilly, the Mad Pope was glaring fiercely while railing against the problems confronting the Light today, Mr. Luther was standing on a chair with a speech manuscript in hand, and Philias was providing accompaniment for them all. *Bang!* Clad in Order clerical robes, Neo kicked the door open and roared inside: "All of you shut the fuck up!" The forefather stopped laughing, the Mad Pope stopped shouting, Mr. Luther stopped his speech, and Philias stopped blowing. The reading room went dead silent. Yet smiles played at the corners of everyone's lips. Neo walked up to the coffee table, slammed his palm down, and cursed, "Since you live here, follow some fucking rules and keep some damn order!" Having vented, Neo found an empty chair and sat down. "Heh, from now on, I'll be sitting right here watching you. If any of you dare act up, I'll..." Neo picked up a book titled *Code of Order*, but it was paper-thin. Because he had once told Karen that one didn't need to memorize the *Code of Order*, just make something up on the spot when needed, the *Code of Order* in his mind was literally just a cover. Neo tossed the book aside, sneered, put his feet up on the coffee table, and pointed down at them: "Whoever acts up, I'll tear to pieces!" Silence remained. Then the bloodthirsty aberrant demon forefather reminded him softly, "Are you going to watch us forever?" The Mad Pope scoffed, "How long can you stay with us?" Mr. Luther cleared his throat. "I'll resume once you leave." Philias smiled gently. "Have you decided to exile yourself forever, ignoring reality, Neo?" Right then, another Neo appeared in the doorway, dressed in plainclothes. The others inside froze, looks of astonishment washing over their faces. The plainclothes Neo shrugged and asked, "Well? Surprised? Delighted?" The forefather looked at the Neo in Order robes, then back at the Neo in the doorway, and nodded. "You're ruthless." The Mad Pope: "Heh, what an ingenious trick." Mr. Luther said helplessly, "Once again, I bear witness to Order controlling public discourse." Philias clapped his hands. "Congratulations, Neo." Indeed. Today, Neo had lost his Order identity entirely; he was no longer an Order priest. Yet he had deliberately created an 'Order Neo' persona, solely to keep watch over all the other personalities. Order was meant to be used like this anyway. "Play nice together, and don't make a racket." Neo turned, intending to leave and wake up. To his surprise, as soon as he turned around, he saw a familiar figure standing outside the door—Eliza. Eliza wore that purple dress, looking at him with the same sweet, gentle gaze as always. When Karen first saw Miss Eliza, she was already dead. He had never witnessed Neo and Miss Eliza's past, but he had never doubted the love between them. "Eliza..." "Neo..." Instinctively, Neo reached out to grasp Eliza's wrist, then leaned down to kiss her lips. In that instant, it felt like traveling back to the past. None of the personalities in the reading room interrupted. They assumed that today, another 'companion' would join them. Neo was already pulling Eliza toward the reading room. But just as his lips were about to touch hers, Eliza drew her neck back, dodging the kiss. Not out of resentment, nor disgust. Her gaze remained gentle, her smile still sweet. She was always so understanding; during their time together, she had always been the one considering his needs. She didn't want to go in. She didn't want to remain in the reading room. She didn't want to become one of Neo's personalities. She wanted her husband to live well, not choose self-imprisonment because of her. If she stayed here as one of Neo's personalities, everything inside that doorway would become shackles binding her husband. In truth, all the personalities here were 'Neo' himself. The Mad Pope, the bloodthirsty aberrant demon forefather, Philias, Mr. Luther, and the Eliza before him. Eliza stepping back was, in fact, Neo stepping back. He had told Karen that he would never lose himself in illusions. His pride wouldn't allow him to do something so childishly pathetic, and his wife would never want to see him like this either. Neo blinked, his eyes welling with tears. In reality, with his forehead pressed against the headstone, tears were already trickling down the corners of Neo's eyes. Neo stood by the door. Having dodged his kiss, Eliza began stepping backward of her own accord, putting more distance between them. She needed to ensure her husband's safety, ensure he wouldn't do something foolish and pull her inside in a moment of impulse. In the world of emotions, what came easiest was uninhibited, unconditional love without restraint. What was hardest was stopping when necessary, giving the other person comfortable space. Neo smiled. He reached out with both arms and held his wife in a warm embrace—openly, directly. The dividing line between them was the threshold of the doorway, each showing restraint, the boundary clear, without crossing it in the slightest. After embracing for a long while, Neo spoke: "My love, you don't need to back away anymore. I won't step forward."