Anxiety

"Who is first to awaken from the great dream? Throughout my life, I know my own destiny. In my thatched cottage, my spring slumber is full, Outside the window, the sun lingers late into the day!" In the morning, having slept a full ten hours, Chen Qi finally deigned to open his eyes. He stretched his arms and legs, feeling every muscle and bone limber and loose, his body and mind utterly refreshed. This sort of sleep quality would have made his past self die of envy; back then, sleeping without medication was completely out of the question. After more than a month away, he was back in his faithful Room 302. The room had become entirely his personal domain. Piles of books sat here and there, alongside a huanghuali chair and a round rosewood stool—Yu Xiuli's place simply could not hold them anymore. Liang Xiaosheng, Ge You, and the others often came over as guests, blissfully unaware that the seats beneath their behinds were antiques several centuries old. Ge You had even made the chair creak aggressively once, nearly earning himself a thrashing from Chen Qi. Checking the time, Chen Qi saw it was already nine o'clock. He hastily washed up, dressed, and bounded down the stairs. Gong Xue was already waiting downstairs holding a lunchbox. Not looking the least bit upset, she smiled and said, "I guessed you must have overslept, so I picked up a few steamed buns for you—cabbage and pork crackling filling." "You didn't sleep in a bit longer? I was exhausted to death." "I went to bed early last night, so I got seven or eight hours too. Slow down, don't choke." Chen Qi wolfed down the buns in a few bites, counting it as breakfast, and hopped onto his battered bicycle. Gong Xue lightly took her seat on the back rack, and they rode straight out of the compound. As they reached the entrance, the old man in the reception booth yelled out: "Gong Xue, there's another package of letters for you! A huge one!" "Thank you, Uncle! I'll pick it up when I get back!" After answering him, she turned back and said, "There's a whole package of letters every day now. I can't even read through them all. What should I do?" "Report it to the leaders and have the studio assign someone specifically to read your fan mail." "Huh? How could that be right?" "As long as you receive their kind thoughts, that's enough. Whenever you're free, write a few open letters in *Popular Cinema* and mention a couple of random names—it'll thrill them to death. If you pick out a few representative questions to answer on top of that, oh boy, they'll be your die-hard fans for life." "You... I feel like you have no respect for the audience!" "Whether I respect the audience doesn't matter. But if you don't hold onto me right now, that's disrespecting my cycling." "……" Gong Xue hesitated for a moment, then reached out and carefully rested her hands on his waist. It was the first time she had ever touched a man's waist, and even through the thin fabric of his clothes, she seemed to feel the firm strength beneath. Without rhyme or reason, she suddenly remembered a male dog she had seen mating in the countryside. Chen Qi pedaled quite a distance until they arrived at No. 6 Lechunfang, on the southern shore of Shichahai. The little alley was exceptionally quiet. He unlocked the gate, pushed open the weathered, vermilion-lacquered wooden door, and the two walked into the courtyard. "This courtyard is huge!" Gong Xue looked around curiously. "It must have been beautiful originally. What a pity it burned down." "If it hadn't burned down, it never would have fallen into my hands!" Chen Qi stood with his hands on his hips amid the wreckage. "I drew up the blueprint myself. First, I'll hire people to clear out this pile of ruins, tear down the north wing, and then start building from scratch." "Where will you find a construction crew?" "My dad can pull some strings to find one. If that doesn't work, I'll beg Old Director Wang for help. Once it's built, it'll still be a two-courtyard layout, but definitely much better-looking than before. When my magazine launches in the future, it'll serve as a private office too. By the way, has the studio said anything about housing for you?" "They're letting me stay in the guesthouse for now, and then they'll see if there's an opening in the singles' dorms. If not, I'll share a room with someone." Gong Xue was actually quite content. In the military troupe, she had lived in an eight-person room; even if she had to share at Beijing Film Studio, it would be a double room. Chen Qi, however, shook his head. "Have a little more confidence in yourself. Once *Romance on Mount Lu* is out, you'll be among the biggest stars in the country. If you win a Hundred Flowers Award on top of that, you'll be second to none nationwide. "And Beijing Film Studio would still make you share a room? Aren't they embarrassed?" "You're teasing me again. How could I possibly win a Hundred Flowers Award?" "Why not? It's voted on by the audience. If you win, it'll reflect well on me too..." Chen Qi chuckled, casually reaching out to take her small hand as he spoke. "Someone might see!" "There's not even a ghost around. Who's going to look?" Gong Xue put up a token resistance before letting him hold it. Ever since they had crossed that boundary the other night, the rascal took every chance he could when no one was around to fondle her hand. She was around 163 centimeters tall and petite in every way; her hands were soft, smooth, and immensely pleasing to hold. Chen Qi stroked her hand while sighing inward. What kind of world was this, where a man had to find a pile of ruins just to hold hands? "……" Gong Xue kept her head lowered, blushing without a word. Only when she felt that mischievous hand pushing its luck—creeping up her arm and preparing to advance toward her shoulder and waist—did she snatch it back with a swish. She hurriedly said, "We've seen the house now. Let's go!" Chen Qi did not press her. He led her out and locked the gate. They were only two or three hundred meters from Shichahai, very close by, so they decided to take a stroll. The stereotypical impression of the capital was always that of a monolithic metropolis, but in reality, it was dotted with numerous lakes and hills. Shichahai connected southward to Beihai, and Beihai connected southward to Zhongnanhai—places Chen Qi intended to visit sooner or later. August remained scorching hot, and this area was a popular leisure spot for ordinary citizens, teeming with people. Chen Qi pushed his bicycle as the two strolled along the water's edge. They spotted several pairs of young men and women, either walking like them or sitting stiffly on benches, chatting awkwardly. In this era, dating almost entirely relied on introductions followed by formal matchmaking; it appeared free on the surface, but was far from it in practice. As they passed a young couple, the woman took a glance at them, then suddenly whirled around and cried out, "Gong Xue? Are you Gong Xue?" "I... I..." "Heavens, it really is Gong Xue! Come over, quick!" The man turned around as well, his eyes lighting up. "Comrade Gong Xue, what brings you here? Are you out for a stroll too? We love your *Romance on Mount Lu* so much!" Hearing the commotion, passersby gathered around, surrounding her in an instant. "Wow, she looks even prettier in person than in the movie! I've watched *Romance on Mount Lu* three times!" "What's your next film going to be?" "Hey, who's this comrade? Is he your younger brother?" While people were not as rabid as fans of later generations, gathering around to join the excitement was second nature. Caught in such a scene for the very first time, Gong Xue panicked, unable to do anything but stammer out repeated thanks. She cast a pleading look toward Chen Qi, but he had already slipped out to the edge of the crowd, grinning without lifting a finger to help. Biting her lip, she summoned all the courage and polite grace an introvert could muster. "All right, please listen to me! First of all, thank you so much for your support; I feel deeply honored. *Romance on Mount Lu* is the result of the entire cast and crew's hard work; I only made a modest contribution. "There are no updates regarding new projects for now. If there's any news, it will likely be published in *Popular Cinema*. I'm very happy to have met you all today, but I need to return to Beijing Film Studio now. Could everyone please help me out by making way?" The crowd parted to open a path. She nodded in appreciation and made a hasty escape. …… "Felt pretty different, didn't it?" "Mm. A little flustered, a little surprised, and a little flattered." "Ha! That just means you're already a big star!" On the way back, the two shared their thoughts. Chen Qi said, "You'll need to be mindful of yourself from now on. Every single move you make represents your public image, and the media and audience will magnify it without end. Going out won't be as easy anymore; you'll be gawked at wherever you go." "Does that mean I can't just casually go out in the future?" "No, it means you should hire a bodyguard. I think Ge Chunyan would be quite fitting. With her Baguazhang, she could dismantle an ancestral shrine." "Dismantle an ancestral shrine?" "Monkey Steals the Peaches!" "Ah! Don't say such things to me!" Gong Xue did not want to hear it, but Chen Qi was being quite serious. Part of their cast had wrapped filming, while others had moved over to *The Shaolin Temple* crew. Most of them had work units, but Ji Chunhua was just a mangliu. Once he finished filming, Chen Qi could bring him over as both a lackey and a bodyguard; his looks alone were terrifying enough. Back at the guesthouse. Chen Qi sat at his desk and began tallying the numbers. Hiring people to clear the ruins would cost money. Buying building materials and hiring a construction team would cost even more. Then decorating and having furniture made would require still more funds. He had only ten thousand yuan left, and a familiar sense of anxiety welled up within him. It was the exact same anxiety he had felt in his past life after taking out a mortgage for his first apartment, when he had to pay eight thousand yuan every month—an involuntary knot in the stomach that felt almost physiological.