The Count's Secret Passage

A gloomy tunnel, flickering candlelight, a chilly draft brushing against their faces, and grotesque shadows shifting across the stone walls. "According to the map I dug up, Count Donald's secret vault should be right here..." Feitian Nüwu held up a lantern and peered cautiously ahead, whispering to Charlotte beside her. Charlotte glanced at her and couldn't resist griping, "What are you carrying that busted lantern for? You can't see a damn thing." He raised his staff and rapped her on the back of the head. "Ouch!" Rubbing her head, Feitian Nüwu whined aggrievedly, "Guild Master, why'd you hit me? I was just trying to set the mood! It feels like tomb raiding—how exciting!" "Exciting my ass. Grab the loot and let's get out of here. If Count Donald wakes up, we're in deep trouble." "Fine, fine..." Rubbing her head, Feitian Nüwu finally raised her staff and softly chanted. Light. Instantly, countless rays of brilliance burst from the tip of her staff, illuminating the dark tunnel in radiant light and bringing everything within into crisp clarity. Gazing at the iron door in the distance, Feitian Nüwu said cheerfully, "That's it! The secret room Count Donald specifically marked!" She straddled her staff and prepared to fly over—after all, she was the Flying Witch, and she had to live up to her gamertag. However, Charlotte grabbed her robe and yanked her right back. "Guild Master, what are you doing..." "Are you an idiot? Did you already forget the lesson Trump taught us?" Recalling the tragic wipeout caused by Trump's traps back in the day, Feitian Nüwu immediately lowered her head and kept her mouth shut. Meanwhile, Charlotte pulled a spherical metal device from his pocket and tossed it out. The device rolled a few times along the ground before sprouting four legs and a wagging tail, letting out bark-like yaps. Charlotte patted its head and instructed in a low voice, "Go on, Robo-Dog!" "Woof! Woof woof!" The robo-dog chased its tail, circled Charlotte, barked twice, and then dashed toward the iron door. Watching all this from the side, Mingyue couldn't help marveling, "The things the Machine Cult makes are getting weirder by the day. They've even got robo-dogs now." "Tell me about it," Charlotte replied. "They're pretty cheap and easy to carry, so they've already become a staple for dungeon delving. It's just that some folks in that guild have a sick sense of humor. I heard an adventuring party in the Underdark attracted a swarm of bulettes because of the robo-dog's barking. Rumor has it they even went to Machine Cult customer service demanding compensation." "Awooo—woof!" Hearing the noisy barking, Mingyue held his forehead in resignation, thoroughly agreeing. The robo-dog sprinted madly down the corridor, weaving left and right, until a sharp click sounded—it had stepped on a floor trap. At once, dense poisonous mist billowed down from the ceiling, instantly engulfing where it stood. Next, countless arrows shot out from fissures in the walls in a torrential storm, but the robo-dog darted and tumbled through the barrage. Charlotte held out a hand, and an invisible magic wall sprang up before him, deflecting every flying arrow and dart. He patted Feitian Nüwu on the shoulder and said earnestly, "What did I tell you? If I hadn't grabbed you, you'd have been turned into a pincushion. Still too green." "Yeah, yeah, got it." Feitian Nüwu shrugged with a careless look, clearly having let it go in one ear and out the other. "Woof woof! Woof!" Through the roiling black mist, the agile little figure kept scampering around. It truly lived up to its rave reviews among the player base. With the Machine Cult's exquisite craftsmanship and magic-imbued intellect, it was even more nimble and versatile than a real hunting hound. Boom! An explosion erupted within the dark mist—evidently another spell trap had been triggered, blowing the robo-dog clean in two. Charlotte couldn't help marveling, "There are so many spells in this secret vault. As expected of the Kingdom of Thrace—their spellcasting standards are far higher than the old Northlands." Recalling what had just happened, he thought to himself that it was fortunate Count Donald was a useless glutton who knew nothing about magic and hated anyone disturbing his pleasures, which had given them an opening. Otherwise, given Thrace's high level of spellcraft, recklessly approaching a noble would have ended in a gruesome death. Meanwhile, out in the corridor, the two halves of the blown-up machine stirred once more, splitting into two independent robo-dogs. "Woof woof!" Barking excitedly, they charged forward, using their internal magical devices to scan for traps ahead. Suddenly, a deep, unfamiliar voice resonated from up ahead: "State the password." "Woof woof! Woof!" The only reply to the voice was the robo-dogs' hyperactive barking. "Intruders! Die!" Boom! Following several dull thuds, the barking abruptly ceased, replaced by the faint sizzle of electric static. Charlotte waved his staff once more, eyes narrowing as he chanted. Gust of Wind. Currents of air surged around him, and a fifty-mile-per-hour gale howled from his staff toward the corridor ahead. The virulent black mist was instantly swept away, exposing the enemy that had been lurking within—a suit of armor brandishing a heavy warhammer. Though there was no wearer inside, the hollow plate armor stood erect, staring intently at the group in the distance, its helmet's eye slits glowing with red light. Beneath its feet lay the two robo-dogs, smashed into scrap metal. Charlotte winced with heartache, wailing, "My robo-dog! In theory, that thing can be reused infinitely, but this one got wrecked on its first run!" Mingyue closely observed the enemy, sensing strong magical fluctuations from the armor. "Is this... Animated Armor?" "I know about these," Mingyue continued. "They're constructs created by powerful magic to carry out their creator's commands. They're usually imbued with scripted speech capabilities, issuing warnings, demanding passwords, or asking questions. More advanced ones can even hold conversations." "This thing looks pretty tough..." Charlotte squinted at the armor in the distance, reading the overhead title, and his expression instantly soured. Thracian Animated Armor Challenge Rating: 12 Well-read and known within the guild as the "Encyclopedia of Elezerg," Mingyue naturally understood these bizarre magical creations. Sure enough, before his voice even faded, the animated armor dragged its iron hammer forward. Under the players' tense gazes, it strode forward, heavy steel plating thudding against the floor and grinding together. Clang... Clang... Upon reaching a distance of thirty meters from the players, it finally came to a halt, staring down at them through its glowing slits. A cold, mechanical voice echoed from within the armor: "Outsiders, state the password." Looking at the blood-stained hammer head, which was larger than a human skull, Charlotte tugged on Mingyue's sleeve and asked under his breath, "Mingyue... do you know it?" Mingyue snapped, "These scripted phrases are set by their creators. How the hell would I know?" Sweat poured down Charlotte's back. Staring at the map they had swiped from the count, he pondered for a long while before biting the bullet and tentatively trying, "Lord Donald is wise and mighty?" "Incorrect password!" Blinding red light flared from the seams of the animated armor. It hoisted the hammer onto its shoulder and let out an intimidating roar as billows of steam vented from within. "Intruders! Die!" Mingyue complained, "Why the hell did you guess without knowing the answer? Did you think you were that lucky?" "By order of Count Donald, all intruders must die!" The animated armor raised its heavy hammer and charged straight at the players, bringing it crashing down toward Charlotte's skull. "So fast!" Charlotte hastily cast Misty Step, dissolving into a cloud of white mist and vanishing. Boom! The animated armor's strike missed, smashing into the stone floor with tremendous force. Shards of rock exploded in all directions, leaving a deep crater in the ground. Thanks to the spell, Charlotte reappeared over ten meters away. Just as he breathed a sigh of relief, the animated armor snapped its head around and charged right at him again. Mingyue quickly warned, "It's locked aggro on you! It probably won't stop until you're dead!" "Damn it, don't just stand there! Think of something!" Charlotte buffed himself with Cat's Grace and Mage Armor, then scrambled backward. But in this confined space, against high-tier animated armor whose strength and speed vastly surpassed normal humans, his options were limited. "Intruder—" Boom! The heavy hammer smashed down again. Charlotte rolled backward violently, barely evading the lethal blow. "Focus all attacks on the animated armor! Keep the Guild Master alive at all costs!" "Right! Try to use evocation lightning spells—that damage type works best against constructs!" Mingyue finally raised his staff, murmuring an incantation. Accompanied by the crackle of lightning, a dazzling orb wrapped in electric arcs materialized at the tip of his staff and shot rapidly toward the animated armor. It was the fifth-circle spell Ball Lightning. Yet the instant the electric sphere made contact with the armor's back, a pale-blue membrane of light expanded, deflecting the sphere entirely. Bzzzt— Lightning burst and arcs danced, yet none of it harmed the armor in the slightest. Instead, it provoked another roar from the construct. "Under attack! Outsiders, you are all enemies!" Mingyue inhaled sharply. "An antimagic shield is installed on the animated armor! The Kingdom of Thrace's magic really is high-tier—a mere count has stuff like this!" "Mingyue, stop your fucking analysis and save me! If all else fails, let's retreat!" By now, Charlotte was exhausted from running for his life. The hammer fell like hail, forcing him to rely on an assortment of spells just to dodge back and forth. Yet the animated armor seemed to understand the players' words. It extended its right hand, and a massive portcullis-like wall came crashing down at the entrance of the secret passage. A heavy voice boomed from the armor: "Intruders... none shall leave!" Mingyue's expression twisted again. "It's not just a simple automaton! Once it identifies you as an enemy, it possesses basic reasoning!" "Holy shit, stop commentating! Can you guys be useful for once?!" Charlotte wailed, dodging another hammer strike thanks to Wind Walk. In the secret passage, players from the Magic Coin guild unleashed their spells one after another. A dense barrage of fireballs, poison darts, and bolts of lightning slammed into the animated armor, only to be stopped cold by the pale-blue membrane. "Guild Master, I've got your back!" With a shout, Feitian Nüwu raised the Wand of Wonder in her hand, aiming it at the towering animated armor. A confident grin spread across her lips. "As long as the spell circle I roll exceeds the shield's threshold, it can blow this armor to pieces!" "My turn—draw!" At once, the players looked toward Feitian Nüwu with high hopes, wishing she would pull off a miracle like before and draw an eighth- or even ninth-circle spell. Poof! With a soft pop, white smoke billowed out. Under everyone's watchful eyes, Feitian Nüwu transformed into a fluffy sheep, letting out a rather sheepish bleat. "Baaah~~" Hearing that all-too-familiar bleat, a dirt-streaked Charlotte—whose head had nearly been smashed to paste—cursed her for being such a liability. Were they really going to wipe here? They had succeeded in the hardest part—tricking the count. Were they going to be wiped out by this hunk of scrap metal? Fail right at the finish line? His spell slots were running on empty. Realizing things looked grim, Charlotte gritted his teeth, gripped his staff with both hands, and shouted, "Hah, iron blockhead, let's see you find me! My title as 'Phantom of the Arena' isn't just for show!" Greater Invisibility. Instantly, Charlotte's body turned completely transparent and vanished entirely into thin air. The animated armor's voice remained resonant and firm: "Master's command: all intruders... must be eliminated." It tapped its helmet with a gauntleted hand, and the red light in its eye slits abruptly shifted to white, sweeping upward across the area before it. Mingyue groaned inwardly. That's probably See Invisibility! "Guild Master, find a way to stop it, or it'll spot you in a second!" "Think! What kind of quirks did its master, Count Donald, have?!" Charlotte was currently sprinting behind the animated armor. Hearing Mingyue's shout, he panicked slightly, his mind racing. What kind of password would Count Donald come up with? What were his quirks? Or rather... his defining traits? Thinking back to the "Fat Pig Count" who had left such a deep impression on him, a string of derogatory words flashed through Charlotte's head. Greedy, lustful, vain, power-abusing, cowardly... Right—cowardly! With that thought, Charlotte seized the opportunity while remaining in the armor's blind spot. He pulled the recently used Doppelganger Cloak from his bag of holding and draped it over himself. Squish, squelch... The transparent fluid gradually closed in, wrapping around Charlotte's calves, hips, and up to his neck, fitting like a second skin. Taking a deep breath, Charlotte visualized Count Donald's hideous appearance as vividly as possible while the gel spread over his face. Had he not been a wizard, he likely couldn't have achieved such precise detail. Still, this was hardly pleasant work—just picturing it was enough to traumatize him. The transparent gel wriggled continuously, gradually swelling to shape a massive beer belly, bloated limbs, and an ugly face stacked with folds of flab. In the end, he looked identical to Count Donald in his memory, as though cast from the exact same mold. Charlotte immediately dropped his invisibility, puffing out his chest and barking with full bravado, "You brute! Take a good look at who this is! Don't you recognize your master?!" The animated armor froze on the spot, noisy mechanical whirs grinding within its frame. "High-priority authority recognized..." Then, with the heavy clatter of iron plating striking the ground, the animated armor dropped to one knee. "Master, welcome back." "Phew, that was close..." Charlotte finally exhaled in relief and wiped the sweat from his brow. He had worried the thing might detect polymorph or shapechanging magic. Sure enough, the cowardly Count Donald had registered his own likeness into the animated armor—he would never allow himself to face the slightest threat.