Lecher, Don't Touch Me, Lecher, Don't Touch Me...

Half asleep, Wang Chong reached out toward the nightstand for his phone, but his fingers closed on nothing—then pain stabbed through them. He snatched his hand back, and in that instant came fully awake. There was no familiar computer desk. No Gun God 10 Plus Ultra Esports Edition laptop, the one he had scrimped and saved half a year to buy. That absence jolted him harder than the pain in his hand. "Where's my computer? It was huge! Where is it?" "My Ultra 9 290HX Plus, NVIDIA GeForce RTX 5090, 64GB DDR5 6400MHz, 8TB PCIe 5.0 SSD, 18-inch 4K 240Hz Mini LED Nebula Original-Color Screen 3.0 baby—where did it go?" "And this isn't my home either." He put the finger the longsword had sliced into his mouth. Fortunately the cut was not deep. Privately, he began to suspect he had transmigrated—yet he could not bring himself to be certain. After all, no one had any experience with this sort of thing, and those who did have experience very seldom came back to Earth. Though lately there was a man online named Zhang Xing who claimed he had transmigrated to an ancient world where everyone could cultivate, where a person could become a supreme being through his own efforts and then return—but the man had been exposed for scandal, a scumbag who had abandoned his wife, so his words were not to be trusted either... Where his eyes fell, several headless statues of divine generals stood stubbornly upright, which suggested this place ought to be a ruined temple. A longsword glowing with a faint green light lay beside him—this was the thing that had just sliced his fingers bloody. What shocked him even more was that in front of an incense altar not far away, a young girl in blue robes, trussed up like a zongzi, was wriggling without pause. A rag was stuffed in her little mouth; she made muffled whimpers, and tears dropped from her eyes one by one, like little pearls. Wang Chong hurried over and carefully pulled the rag from her mouth with his uninjured hand. He was just about to ask her what had happened when the girl shrieked, "Lecher! Don't touch me, lecher, don't touch me..." He was rather baffled, thinking to himself: "All right, I do have a bit of a smirking, cheeky look about me, and I was sucking my finger—that's slightly perverted, maybe—but surely that doesn't put me on the level of a lecher? A creep, at worst." He tried a few words to explain that he was certainly no lecher, but the girl in blue had no wish to communicate at all and would not stop screaming, so he had no choice but to stuff the rag back in and give his ears some peace. The girl wailed muffled protests, tears brimming, her sense of grievance beyond all measure. Wang Chong's sense of injustice was beyond all measure too! He fixed his eyes on her lovely face, flawless as fine jade, and said, word by word, "I am not a lecher." "If you can stop shouting and answer a few questions, I'll let you go." Wang Chong looked at the girl's adorable attempt at a ferocious glare and sighed. He truly wanted to know what on earth had happened to him, but he had no confidence at all in her willingness to cooperate. Still, there were only the two of them in this ruined temple, so he had to try. Once more he pulled the rag from the blue-robed girl's mouth and ventured, "Who am I?" This time the girl in blue did not scream, though she remained very much on guard. At the question, her little mouth fell open in utter astonishment; then a flicker of slyness darted through her eyes, and she said, "You are Mo Yuncong of the Wudang Sect." Wang Chong was struck dumb for a moment. He thought, "This world has a Wudang too? And I'm a Wudang disciple? Doesn't that mean I have martial arts?" He tried to sense within himself, and sure enough there was a surge of qi settled in his dantian. Normally it lay perfectly quiet, but at its master's summons it stirred at once and traveled a circuit along a strange, profound path, and his whole body turned warm and wonderfully comfortable. Filled with curiosity, Wang Chong immersed himself in the experience again. The surge of qi was wonderfully obedient: it came when called and left when dismissed, went east when he wished east, and when he wished south it did not go north. It spun faster and faster, and his interest blazed higher and higher. He played with it endlessly, unable to tear himself away, and forgot the girl in blue at his side completely. Seeing him suddenly begin to cultivate, the girl in blue was astonished, and the thought in her heart grew all the firmer: "Truly a stroke of luck from heaven. Somehow this lecher has lost his memory—he has forgotten even who he is. At last I can keep my innocence." "If he truly believes he is a Wudang disciple and blunders into the hands of real Wudang members, he will surely die. Heaven's justice is clear, and his evil is full to overflowing." She stole a glance at the Qingfeng Sword lying on the ground and was overjoyed. Peeking sideways, she saw that Wang Chong was still lost in his cultivation, and she hastily wriggled over, intending to use the blade to cut the ropes binding her. The girl in blue spent every ounce of strength she had, and at last worked her way close to the Qingfeng Sword—when she heard a long, clear whistle, like a phoenix's call piercing the clouds. Wang Chong cried out in delight, "Was that a breakthrough?" The joy froze on the girl's face, and a hint of alarm came into her eyes. Never in her wildest imaginings had she thought the great lecher would break through in martial arts at such a critical moment! The girl was ordinarily refined, gentle by nature, cautious and mindful of propriety, but now she nearly lost her temper and wanted to swear. And yet her mind held no truly coarse words; if she were really to curse someone, all she could produce, over and over, was "big jerk," "big lecher," and other such tame fare. Wang Chong was wildly excited. By now he was fairly sure he had transmigrated; the setting might be some kind of Truman Show, but this internal force could not possibly have arisen out of nothing—after all, that sort of thing was hardly scientific. As for the girl in blue's claim that he was Mo Yuncong of the Wudang Sect, Wang Chong gave it only three parts in ten. The identity he had transmigrated into was suspected to be a lecher, so the odds that it came from a proper, orthodox sect were not high. Even if he really was a Wudang heir, he had probably long since betrayed the sect—and might well be hunted by his righteous former fellows even now. Wang Chong looked down and saw the culprit that had cut his finger: that longsword glowing faintly green. He went over and picked it up. The moment the sword was in his hand, a feeling of intense familiarity welled up in his heart. He casually struck a pose, and dozens of exquisite sword moves beyond describing rose endlessly from the depths of his heart. Unable to restrain himself, he moved the blade and unleashed a set of swordplay renowned across the land, smooth as mercury spilling over the ground, sword shadows covering his whole body. Seeing her hopes of escape quietly slipping away again, and seeing that although this great lecher's memory had not returned, all his martial arts had—and he had even advanced another step beyond that—the girl in blue felt that heaven itself was unjust. Her nose prickled, and she burst into loud sobs. Wang Chong had no attention to spare for her now. He had transmigrated remembering nothing, and having finally recalled a whole body of martial arts, he dared not be careless. While secretly memorizing the route by which he had just circulated his internal force, he relied purely on his body's memory to unleash the swordplay to the full, committing every move firmly to mind. Some four to six hours later, he was confident that he had "memorized" both the inner-power art and the swordplay, and would never forget them again. One flick of the blade cut the ropes from the girl in blue. Wang Chong had been worried that if he freed the girl, she might turn on him and try to kill him; now he was not worried at all. Why should he be? His martial arts were strong. If the girl resisted, he would simply capture her once more. He said, "Answer a few more questions, and then you may leave." ...Wang Chong: In the last version I came from a prestigious sect and had a beautiful senior sister. Now I'm a lecher... ...Girl in blue: My name is Tie Mingzhu. Everyone must be sure to remember it... ...This opening was written on the day I finished The Deposed Dragon...