Old Fen

"Goodbye." Having heard enough, Yue Wen turned and walked away. He had nearly forgotten where he was. Entertaining a conversation this long with a fellow who was legally immune to murder charges had been utterly pointless. It wasn't as if normal people capable of concocting medicine didn't exist in this world. "Halt!" Old Bai suddenly barked from behind. "Coming and going as you please—just what kind of place do you take this for!" Startled by the abrupt surge of authority in his voice, Yue Wen paused for a second before replying, "Isn't this a psychiatric hospital? I'm not a patient, so why can't I leave?" His pace quickened. Lingering even one second longer felt like risking contagion. "You aren't? Heh, neither am I!" Old Bai shook his head, laden with emotion. "Back in the day, I was the most dazzlingly brilliant disciple of my generation at Medicine King Hall. My master, Li Danyang, personally commended me with his own lips, declaring that the elixir Little Bai brewed must absolutely never be consumed!" "You call that a commendation?" Speechless, Yue Wen gave him a flat look. "And why are you even telling me this?" Of course he knew of Medicine King Hall. It was one of the world's premier immortal sects, possessing the human realm's greatest lineage of alchemists. Any alchemist who stepped out of Medicine King Hall—even an outer disciple who had merely audited classes for two or three years—was capable of holding their own in the world. Li Danyang was an especially renowned grandmaster of alchemy in the current era, celebrated for over a century. Could he truly be Old Bai's master? "I refused to accept it," Old Bai continued. "From childhood, I buried myself in medical texts and risked life and limb venturing into wasteland zones in search of spirit herbs. I knew without a doubt that not a single flaw existed in my Daoist arts or medical theory! The elixir I brewed was unequivocally superior to anything produced by those mediocre hacks. Why shouldn't anyone consume it? Spurred by spite, that very night I personally... slipped the elixir I had concocted into my roommate's takeout." "If you were a normal person, you would have eaten it yourself!" Black lines practically covered Yue Wen's face. "After my roommate ate it, his body grew robust and light, his vitality circulated effortlessly, and his aptitude soared several tiers! From then on, he achieved twice the results with half the effort in his cultivation!" Old Bai went on. "I presented my results to the masters and elders of the hall, only to be met with their envy and malice! I was repatriated to my registered residence and locked up in this psychiatric hospital!" "Met with envy and malice?" Yue Wen looked skeptical, unable to tell whether the tale was truth or fiction. "Medicine King Hall has always enjoyed an impeccable reputation, and Master Li Danyang has nurtured newcomers for years. No one has ever heard of shady industry scandals. Do you have any proof for what you're saying?" "Of course I do!" Old Bai pointed diagonally ahead—the exact direction his cockeyed gaze was fixed upon. "My roommate is right here. You can ask him yourself." Yue Wen looked over in that direction. There was nothing there. Honestly, even looking had been a waste of effort. The room was only so large; had there been a third person, he would have noticed long ago. It was just that Old Bai's deadpan earnestness had been absurdly convincing. "See?" After a moment of silence, Old Bai nodded as though he had just heard a response. "Those mediocre alchemists might stoop to swimming in the muck with the rest, but a genius like me could only arouse their jealousy and dread. Over the years, I've had my roommate test every new medicine I developed. Just look at what fantastic shape he's in today." Yue Wen looked over again. Still empty air. After a long pause, he turned back. "Brother, you are one hundred percent purely and genuinely insane." "Though I was framed and committed, I have never given up, even here," Old Bai continued. Yue Wen shook his head. "You weren't framed." "When the director and doctors here discovered my miraculous alchemy, they granted me extensive privileges, allowing me to brew and sell medicine inside the facility. I share generous profits with them, and in return, they provide me with conveniences." Old Bai flashed a wicked grin. "Taking advantage of this arrangement, I continue to research my proprietary elixirs. And this Supreme Blazing Flame Powder is one of the secret formulas I perfected. "As long as someone succeeds in tempering their gang using my Supreme Blazing Flame Powder, my accomplishment will be proven beyond doubt. Those mediocre hacks in Medicine King Hall will finally realize just how incompetent they truly are!" As he spoke, his speech grew impassioned. He reached out and grasped the empty air diagonally ahead. "Our names will resound across the entire realm of alchemy!" "..." Watching him gaze affectionately into thin air, Yue Wen let out an awkward laugh. "Then I won't interrupt you two." "If you're willing to use my Blazing Flame Powder for your breakthrough, I can offer you a discount!" Old Bai quickly added. "For 0.3 jin of Blazing Flame Powder, I'll charge you only five hundred and twenty thousand." "It was five hundred thousand before the discount!" Clutching his forehead, Yue Wen shook his head. "I really don't have time to mess around with you." He felt he had to leave immediately. Listening to this man talk any longer was threatening to exhaust his brain. "Five hundred and twenty thousand includes this!" Old Bai abruptly whipped out a plastic container containing five sandwich cookies, each with a black filling pressed between two white wafers. "What is this now?" Yue Wen asked, perplexed. "A Leoreo?" "Traditional Qi Recovery Pills and Blood Recovery Pills are kept separate—one restores true qi while the other heals wounds, and taking both simultaneously causes their effects to clash," Old Bai explained. "However, this proprietary Qi-Blood Unification Pill of mine integrates recovery and healing into one. Qi resides within blood, and blood within qi! Consuming one in the heat of a fierce battle instantly restores you to full health and mana! It revives your manly vigor in a single second, surging with boundless yang energy to make your enemies cry for daddy right on the spot!" "That's not even a pill." Yue Wen examined it. "People usually call that a cookie." "You may dislike it, but please do not insult it!" Old Bai declared sternly. "A box of these Qi-Blood Pills retails for twenty thousand yuan, but right now, I intend to give it to you for free." "For free?" Yue Wen caught the key word. "Indeed." Old Bai offered a confident smile. "Take it home and eat it; experience the effects for yourself. Once you realize just how formidable my medicine truly is, you will naturally change your mind. When you return to purchase the Blazing Flame Powder, you can simply pay me the five hundred and twenty thousand then." "Be that as it may..." Yue Wen accepted the box of Qi-Blood Unification Pills and looked up. "That's still not a discount at all. There isn't a single cent off, hey!" "Heh, old friend." Old Bai looked toward the empty air ahead. "I have a premonition that our hope of leaving this place might very well rest upon this gifted young man." "You'd better stay here a while longer," Yue Wen said, waving his hand. "And remember to take your medication on time." ... "Phew—" Only after settling into the vehicle for his return trip did Yue Wen exhale a long breath. Talking to that Old Bai was exhausting; he felt as though someone had pinned his cerebral cortex underfoot and stretched it taut. Still, when he thought about it carefully, although he hadn't secured a satisfactory batch of Blazing Flame Powder, walking away with a complimentary box of Qi-Blood cookies meant the trip wasn't a total loss. He would just need to inspect the thing thoroughly to make sure it was actually edible. He hadn't been in a rush for the Blazing Flame Powder anyway. Today had merely been an inspection; even if the goods were up to standard, he would have had to wait until he had scraped together enough money to pay for them. So there was no reason to feel overly disappointed. Besides, strictly speaking, this excursion couldn't be deemed an outright failure. Old Bai's Blazing Flame Powder was undeniably potent—it was just so potent in such a sinister way that it had given him pause. Yet if the man had this much confidence in winning him over through his alchemy skills, he had to have his reasons. He would test out the Qi-Blood cookies later before deciding whether to use his Blazing Flame Powder. Qi Recovery Pills and Blood Recovery Pills were both very common elixirs, though Yue Wen had never purchased them before. Such costly recovery items were generally needed only by cultivators traversing the wasteland zones. For activities within urban districts, one could simply head straight to a hospital for any injuries. Before the vehicle had traveled very far, a message from "Old Bai" popped up on Cult Chat. [Old Bai: When eating the Qi-Blood Unification Pill, you can pair it with milk. Twist it, lick it, and dunk it for the best flavor.] And you still claim it isn't a cookie?! Yue Wen couldn't help wondering whether that bastard had literally handed him a box of sandwich cookies to hoodwink him. While no normal person would pull such a stunt, that man couldn't be classified as normal by any metric. Despite his inner thoughts, Yue Wen maintained his politeness in his reply. [HelpfulNetizen00772: Thank you, Pharmacist Bai.] "Helpful Netizen" was Yue Wen's display name on Cult Chat. It concealed his real identity, with a string of numbers tacked onto the end to prevent duplicates. [Old Bai: I am not Pharmacist Bai; he is brewing medicine. I am his roommate. I didn't introduce myself earlier—you may call me Old Fen.]