When Anbaixiu first joked about having Talos marry the Kuo-toa Goddess, it truly had just been a joke.
Yet now he genuinely could not help himself. Right to Talos's face, he pointed at the lobster-headed monstrosity before him and declared that this creature was being gifted to him as a wife.
This lunatic goddess stirred up trouble time after time. If he didn't put an end to her, Anbaixiu would never find peace.
Didn't Talos want a show? Then here was a grand one handed to him on a silver platter. Did he dare take it?
A lunatic and a chaos-monger—the two of them could shut the door and revel in each other's company!
Hearing Anbaixiu's declaration, Talos, who was never one to complain about things getting out of hand, manifested in the palm of Anbaixiu's hand and roared with laughter. "Good! Marvelous! I love this mad side of yours! But do you know what you just did? You swore a promise directly before me. If you fail to deliver, the storm's vengeance will descend upon you in turn."
Sure enough, for the sake of amusement, Talos wouldn't even turn down an insane lobster-headed goddess.
Blibdoolpoolp, however, let out a grating screech of laughter. "Foolish, arrogant mortal! What could a speck like you possibly do to a deity? In this deep sea, the kuo-toa number in the millions—tens of millions! What does it matter even if you slew tens of thousands? Mortal, did you think playing your cunning little tricks and deceiving a few gods actually puts you on equal footing with divinity?"
Anbaixiu sneered. "Deities? It's not like I haven't dealt with them before. Tell me, Kuo-toa Goddess, mighty as you are, could you force Lolth the Spider Queen to surrender half her divine portfolio? Could you make Archduke of Hell Zariel and Tiamat back down on a contract? Or are you worthy of having Corellon, King of the Elven Gods, ask you for help in saving the drow elves?"
Blibdoolpoolp opened her lobster jaws, but found herself utterly at a loss for words.
Faced with such an unreasonable madwoman, Anbaixiu threw caution to the wind. Offering Blibdoolpoolp not a shred of face, he shouted, "Blibdoolpoolp, do you really think of yourself as some ancient, venerable deity? I showed you courtesy earlier because I intended to negotiate peacefully, but you lunatic, you didn't even give me the chance to speak! From start to finish, you were the one picking fights, launching attack after attack against me! I may believe that harmony breeds wealth, but that doesn't mean I don't have a temper!
"I swear I will bind you, drag you to the Towers of Ruin, and deliver you to the great Lord of Storms! Just you wait—if I fail, may I turn into a kuo-toa myself!"
Blibdoolpoolp let out a furious roar. "Blasphemous lich! I will tear you to pieces! No one can save you!"
Not backing down an inch, Anbaixiu snapped back, "Make a move right now if you have the guts! Let's see how many portfolios Ao strips from you as punishment! Even the Lord of the Dawn didn't dare strike me down with a beam of Holy Light, and you think you can?! You think being insane means you can do whatever you want? Today, this mortal is going to show you what mortal fury looks like!"
Talos, watching the drama unfold from the side, couldn't resist clapping in delight!
"Magnificent, absolutely magnificent! I have never seen a mortal as reckless as you—you're even more entertaining than Arthur Ryan was back in his day! Little fellow, just how do you plan to pull this off?"
Talos didn't seem to care in the slightest about whether he actually got married. All he wanted to know was how Anbaixiu planned to bundle up the Kuo-toa Goddess and deliver her to his divine realm.
Talos certainly wouldn't lift a finger to help; he only wanted to see how Anbaixiu, as a mere mortal, would achieve it.
"Talos, you are a god as well! Are you truly going to stand by and watch this mortal blaspheme against our kind?! Ao will punish you!" Blibdoolpoolp cursed venomously.
Violent torrents coalesced around Blibdoolpoolp, as if poised to crash into Talos's projection.
Between gods, Ao's non-interference rules did not apply. Blibdoolpoolp wished nothing more than to unleash an attack that would catch the lich in the crossfire and finish him off in the process.
Talos turned toward the lobster-headed goddess and spat disdainfully, "You think you're worthy of standing on equal footing with me? In my eyes, you aren't even worth as much as this lich."
Having mocked the Kuo-toa Goddess, Talos turned back to Anbaixiu. "I quite like this script of a mortal defying the divine—assuming you can actually deliver. If you succeed, I shall bestow upon you blessings beyond your wildest imagination. Do your best, arrogant mortal. I would hate to see you groveling pitifully at my feet for mercy."
The glow on the bracelet slowly brightened, and Talos withdrew his gaze.
Anbaixiu paid no mind to the lobster-headed goddess's reaction. From the moment he made his decision, this matter had nothing to do with Blibdoolpoolp's consent. He had never expected to use words to convince her to package herself up and ship herself over to Talos.
Now that Talos had agreed to the bet, Anbaixiu could proceed to the next step.
Still seething with lingering rage, the lobster-headed goddess jeered at him, "Mortal, that coward Talos wouldn't dare assist you! What possible threat could you pose to me on your own?"
Anbaixiu answered with a cold sneer, then took to the sky.
Watching Anbaixiu fly away, Blibdoolpoolp initially wanted to intercept him, but ultimately refrained from striking him directly. Most of the kuo-toa in this stretch of water were already dead, and the survivors posed no threat to him.
Blibdoolpoolp might be insane, but she wasn't completely brainless. In her eyes, Anbaixiu was still just a mortal.
A mere mortal—what could he possibly do?
Her divine realm wasn't even on the Prime Material Plane. How could a lich touch her there?
Blibdoolpoolp assumed the most Anbaixiu could do was hunt more kuo-toa. But wiping out an entire race was hardly a simple matter. The ocean was vast beyond measure; did this lich truly think himself the ruler of the seas?
The sea deities would never permit the extinction of the kuo-toa.
Blibdoolpoolp burst into hysterical laughter. "He can't do a thing! Hahaha! He will only end up suffering Talos's wrath! All I need to do is sit back and watch! Yes! Just watch the show!"
***
Leaving behind the ruined husk of the Black Tide, Anbaixiu flew toward Gold Coin Island at supersonic speed.
Contrary to Blibdoolpoolp's assumptions, Anbaixiu had no intention of targeting the kuo-toa species, nor had he ever planned to drive them to extinction.
Doing so would completely violate the rules. If a race stood on the brink of total annihilation, Blibdoolpoolp would no longer be bound by Ao's restrictions when attacking Anbaixiu. That was a fundamental principle he had gathered from his lore on the gods.
Ao would never force a deity to sit by and await death. When a racial deity faced the extinction of their people, they were granted the authority to intervene and save them. Even if such an intervention left them barely clinging to life to preserve the race's existence, it was still permitted.
Anbaixiu had no desire to take such a tedious, roundabout approach against the Kuo-toa Goddess.
At the end of the day, his objective was to package the lobster-headed goddess and deliver her to Talos, not wipe out a race. One shouldn't put the cart before the horse.
Therefore, he planned to strike directly at the Kuo-toa Goddess herself.
Supersonic flight brought Anbaixiu back to Gold Coin Island in short order. Only then did he pull out his magic mirror to contact Catherine.
"I teleported away before the airship crashed," Catherine said worriedly. "Are you all right?"
Anbaixiu nodded. "I'm fine. What's one wrecked airship?"
Those last few words sounded as if they had been squeezed through clenched teeth. Having his physical body blown to bits might not have hurt as much. After so many retrofits, the cost of the Black Tide could no longer be measured merely in gold coins; its technical value was astronomical.
Furthermore, casting Power Word Kill at the end had consumed a staggering fortune. While it wiped out a vast swarm of kuo-toa in an instant, the sheer expense made his very soul tremble.
Still, it didn't matter. Every expenditure would bring a return—provided he could deal with the Kuo-toa Goddess.
"Catherine, I need your help with something. I need to get in touch with the Elven Gods," Anbaixiu said.
Seeing his grave expression, Catherine replied, "I will pray to the gods for you. What would you like me to convey?"
Anbaixiu shook his head. "I need to speak with your deities face-to-face. This isn't something that can be relayed. Whichever one it is, as long as they can represent the stance of the Elven Gods, I want to speak with them directly."
Catherine frowned. "That won't be easy."
The Elven Gods were immensely proud. They rarely responded to ordinary worshipers' prayers, let alone descended in an avatar to meet with Anbaixiu in person. Even regarding a matter as monumental as the drow elves, the Elven Gods had merely used Catherine as a conduit for their messages.
Anbaixiu wasn't surprised. He simply said to Catherine, "That is a baseline requirement. If your gods aren't willing to speak with me face-to-face, there's no reason to involve them in this."
Anbaixiu wasted no time. After concluding his talk with Catherine, he switched the view on the magic mirror. This time, the reflection revealed the God of Alchemy.
The God of Alchemy was still holding his crystalline hammer, occupied with some unknown experiment. Upon seeing Anbaixiu, he carefully set the hammer down and asked guardedly, "My dear student, please don't tell me you've provoked another greater deity."
Anbaixiu shook his head. "How could it be that easy? There are only so many greater deities around."
"True enough. No matter how much trouble you stir up, you couldn't possibly offend two greater deities in such a short span." The God of Alchemy breathed a sigh of relief, picked up his hammer, and resumed tapping away. "So what is it this time?"
Anbaixiu said placidly, "I intend to kidnap Blibdoolpoolp, the Kuo-toa Goddess, and give her to Talos as a bride."
*Clang!*
The God of Alchemy's hammer clattered to the floor once more, blowing the workbench into a cloud of ashes yet again.
Soot-streaked and disheveled, the God of Alchemy waved away the smoke, not even bothering to restore his experiment, and yelled in fury, "Have you lost your mind?! The Kuo-toa Goddess's divine realm is in the Murky Depths of the Elemental Plane of Water! Are you expecting me to infiltrate it and kidnap her?!"
"Is that not an option?" Anbaixiu countered.
The God of Alchemy snapped, "Of course not! I'm the God of Alchemy, not the God of Kidnapping! Putting aside whether I could even find her in the Elemental Plane of Water, even if I did, it would be suicide! Why do you think Talos dares to reveal the entrance to his divine realm to all the gods? Because a deity is at their most formidable within their own realm! If I barged into Blibdoolpoolp's divine realm, I'd die there on the spot!"
"As I thought, relying on you alone won't cut it," Anbaixiu sighed. "But what if we brought in other deities?"
"Other deities? Who are you talking about?" the God of Alchemy asked.
Anbaixiu replied, "I'm currently looking. My primary target is the Elven Gods. If Corellon is willing to lend a hand, Blibdoolpoolp will have no choice but to surrender!"
The King of the Elven Gods was a mighty deity capable of contesting the Goddess of Magic for the title of 'First Beneath Ao.' In a fair duel, no one could withstand an arrow from Corellon.
The God of Alchemy shook his head. "You're dreaming. The Elven Gods just went to war with Lolth. Weakened as Lolth may be, her domain is hardly an easy mark. Corellon has no time to help you right now, nor would he move against another deity on your behalf."
"There's no harm in trying; what if it works? Besides, the Elven Gods are only my first potential allies. The second is Leira, the Lady of Mists. She certainly won't refuse my invitation."
The God of Alchemy continued to shake his head. "Given that lady's current state, she relies entirely on Silvanus's protection. What she wants doesn't matter; it depends on whether Silvanus permits it."
Anbaixiu said with confidence, "I have my ways. And aside from those two, I plan to seek out Zariel and Tiamat."
The God of Alchemy stared in shock. "Are you mad?! You're willingly making deals with Archdukes of Hell? Have you forgotten what you did to them before?"
Anbaixiu's swindling of two Archdukes of Hell was now common knowledge among the pantheons. Zariel and Tiamat had lost immense face; by all rights, they ought to despise Anbaixiu to the bone. How could they possibly be willing to help?
"Face is useless to mortals, let alone devils. I will find a way to secure their aid—perhaps I can even pull a few other archdukes into the fray. Teacher, have you forgotten? I can mint soul coins. Money makes the devils dance, and with enough of it, they'll happily raid a bridal carriage for me!"
The God of Alchemy was utterly stunned by these words. Without him noticing, had this student of his really established such formidable connections among the divine?
The God of Alchemy remarked with a heavy sigh, "Do you have any idea what you're doing? My dear student, you are organizing a war between the gods!"
Anbaixiu replied serenely, "Last time, I declared to everyone on this plane that no one could push me around anymore. The results were quite satisfactory; at the very least, mortals now understand that this lich is someone they cannot afford to provoke. It's just that certain deities still don't know me well enough. So this time, I will make my declaration to the gods themselves, ensuring they comprehend the weight of this mortal. Unless Ao personally steps in to stop me, Blibdoolpoolp is getting bound!"
The God of Alchemy sighed. "Fine, I see your point. In any case, my divine portfolio was a gift from you, so I might as well indulge your madness. However, give me a bit of time. I might be able to recruit some far more valuable allies for you."
Anbaixiu paused, stunned. "A more valuable ally? Don't tell me you mean Oghma, the Lord of Knowledge?!"
*No way, right?*
That was a mighty deity on par with the Goddess of Magic!
Unfortunately, the God of Alchemy shattered his fantasy at once, shaking his head. "Oghma merely appreciates my abilities; he is no friend of mine. I couldn't possibly ask him to intervene, so don't even dream of it. However... the Goddess of Wealth might be a rather fine choice."
Chapter 450