Heart

Autumn rain fell to the ground; withered leaves rustled in the drizzle. Feeling the warm touch from the woman's soft hand, Xu Yuan suddenly smiled. Yet as he smiled, he fell silent again and withdrew his hand. Li Qingyan was right. Rather than confiding, he preferred to bury everything in his heart—or perhaps, even if he wanted to speak, he had no idea where to begin. Walking in silence along the imperial corridor behind Jinluan Hall while listening to the rain, Li Qingyan did not press him, only walking quietly by his side. Yet within Xu Yuan's heart, irritability began to simmer. Subconsciously, he wanted to blame this chest-bound princess for bringing up the matter, but deep down, he also knew that nameless irritation was anger directed at himself. Because even now, he could not fathom what the woman who had died for him truly meant to him... In every sense. Li Junwu's death had forced him over these past days to dwell on many things he had subconsciously ignored in the past. He was someone who took things as they came and disliked agonizing over philosophical questions, yet these things existed in undeniable reality. Xu Yuan. Xu Changtian. Memories. Personality. When he first cultivated the Blood Yuan Heart Calamity Art, the Heavenly Gate sword intent had cleaved away all the emotions that belonged to Xu Changtian, leaving only empty memories for Xu Yuan. In the beginning, Xu Yuan had always recalled those memories with the mindset of watching a first-person VR movie, treating whatever emotions stirred during the recollections as mere immersion from watching a film. Among them, naturally, were the memories of that fool. Xu Yuan had considered her an entertaining playmate, a "bro" close enough to bare one's soul to, and whenever he had bantered or casually felt her up, there was always a strange sense of illicit guilt. Beyond that, there was nothing more. Neither Xu Yuan, nor Xu Changtian, nor who he was now had ever loved her. And her passing... He believed that an outstanding movie might make a character's death poignant and unforgettable, but it could never keep someone brooding over it at every waking hour. It should have been so. It ought to have been so. And if so! Then why did that heartbreaking agony at dusk in Zhenxi Prefectural City linger like an unshakeable ghost?! In his idle hours, in the lulls between cultivation, in every moment his thoughts drifted back to the Western Desert. They had walked quite a distance. Along the way, the two encountered many hurried eunuchs and palace maids. Startled and uncertain upon seeing these two unfamiliar faces, they nevertheless knelt in salute one after another. It was not until the two stepped out of the imperial corridor and into the veil of rain that he suddenly stopped in his tracks and let out a soft laugh. In the past, he might have agonized over this question for a very, very long time. But now that he had comprehended the Life-Death Dao domain and could perceive soul imprints, he actually knew the answer. From the moment the Blood Yuan Heart Calamity Art took shape, their soul imprints had already fused together. The sacred severance was gone forever; not even the Heavenly Gate sword intent could cut it apart. The rain poured down, shrouding the jade pavilions and palace halls on both sides in a blurred haze. Without using Source Qi to shield himself, moisture soaked through his robes in an instant, rolling down along strands of his hair. Li Qingyan watched him smiling faintly and spoke softly: "If you truly don't want to talk about it, how about listening to my story first?" "..." "Changtian?" "Changtian..." He murmured under his breath, smiling faintly. "Xu Yuan, Xu Changtian, eh..." Worry showed in Li Qingyan's eyes, concerned for his state of mind. "What's wrong?" Hearing her, Xu Yuan snapped back to his senses and turned to look at the woman beside him for a few breaths. Smiling faintly, he shook his head, stepped forward, and chuckled. "Bringing her up out of the blue just made me think of a lot of things, that's all." "..." Li Qingyan hesitated a moment before stepping forward to keep pace. She did not use her qi dynamic to ward off the rain either, walking alongside him through the grand palaces under the downpour. And this time, his voice carried a rambling, discursive tone. "...Let me think where to start..." "...Too much happened in the past. Most of it was idle nonsense like frequenting pleasure houses, bullying men, and harassing women..." "...You know about the Four Young Masters of the Imperial Capital, right? Falling in with her in the beginning was just birds of a feather flocking together..." "...You might not believe it, Qingyan, but I never liked her, and I never considered her a romantic confidante..." "...Going to the Western Desert this time was partly official business, and partly to keep an appointment. Li Junwu wrote me a letter before, saying she'd take me to experience the exotic wonders of the Western Desert..." "...So I always treated her as a friend. I thought she saw me the same way. After all, a woman who frequently went to pleasure houses with me—how could she possibly like men?..." At this point, Xu Yuan fell silent once more. Looking at her rain-drenched profile and the valiant cast of her brow and eyes, his voice turned low and hoarse: "Qingyan... do you know? "That idiot always had your name on her lips. She always wanted to compete with you, insisting that she would be the first Li Junwu, not the second Li Qingyan. Even right before she died, she was asking me... asking me if she had become stronger than you..." Before they realized it, the two had arrived before a magnificent royal bedchamber. The light was dim; rainwater rolled down their hair. Li Qingyan stayed silent for a short while, then let out a soft, distant sigh: "How could a man like you be so dense?" "Yeah..." Xu Yuan raised his eyes to the sky, took a trembling, deep breath, and gave a hollow, self-mocking laugh. "Fuck me, how could I be so damn dense..." "..." Li Qingyan said nothing. "Qingyan, Li Junwu died because of me. "If not for me, she would probably have lived a tranquil and leisurely life, just like her conferred name Qingle implied, instead of saddled with that dilapidated Zhenxi Manor and leading troops on the frontier. "If I hadn't wanted to gamble, if I hadn't wanted to ruin empty-handed the plans the sects spent decades cultivating in the Western Desert and doggedly defend that damned Zhenxi Prefectural City, Li Junwu wouldn't have died. She never would have died." Xu Yuan subconsciously clenched his fists, emotion surging. The ground around him cracked instantly, and the falling rain poured into the fissures: "It was all fucking because of me! If I had taken her with me the moment I arrived at Zhenxi Prefectural City..." "Changtian." "Shut up!" "Changtian!!" Li Qingyan frowned, barking in a low voice. "..." Xu Yuan whipped his head back, his eyes carrying a murderous intent born from endless self-loathing. Meeting that frightening gaze, Li Qingyan's eyes remained placid, showing neither fear nor concession as she said evenly, "This is not your fault." "..." Xu Yuan's eyes flickered for a moment. Apologetically, he said, "Sorry... But that kind of comforting talk—" "I have never liked pointless words." Li Qingyan cut him off, her phoenix eyes looking directly into his crimson pupils, crisp and clear: "If Li Junwu truly had the desire to measure herself against me, then she would without question have chosen to stay in Zhenxi Prefectural City." The words fell, bringing sudden silence. After a long time, Xu Yuan let out a low laugh. The bloody glow in his eyes faded. He raised a hand, roughly tousling his wet hair, and spat out two words: "...Fair enough." Li Qingyan gazed at him for a few breaths, reached out to brush away streaks of water from his cheek, and said softly, "I'll wait for you in the bedchamber..." Although the words buried in his heart had been spoken, his disheveled state required time to compose, and it was not something meant for others to see. Li Qingyan stepped forward, her footsteps splashing through the water. But right at that moment, Xu Yuan's voice came from behind: "Qingyan." "..." Her footsteps paused. Li Qingyan turned back, just about to speak, when she suddenly looked toward the north. A smile curved at the corners of her lips. Ink-dark clouds churned with moisture, thick and turbid, misty rain stretching to the edge of sight. Beneath her gaze, a blast of astral wind came rumbling from the north, like a colossal ruler of heavenly wind, an edge-less greatsword. That was the direction of the Imperial Dragon Forest, and the place where the Emperor, the Prime Minister, and the Imperial Preceptor conducted their Northern Hunt. The heavy, ink-dark clouds churned and split open, slowly pushed aside to both flanks by that force. Golden morning light at daybreak poured south continuously through the rift. A dozen-odd breaths later, the tear in the ink clouds swept to the summit of Mount Jiulong and came to a halt. Across the magnificent jade towers and palace halls, half was shrouded in misty rain, half bathed in brilliant light. Bathing in the autumn rain, Xu Yuan looked at her flawless profile and said, "During the battle of Beifeng, you once asked me what I would do if someone like Lou Ji were framed and killed by the sects. "Now, I have your answer."