Liu Xiu: Demons, Ghosts, and Monsters Have No Sense of Pain

“No way, I don’t agree…” Vice Minister Wu heard the demand to kneel, apologize, and admit his wrongs. He scrambled to his feet and protested in a shrill voice. The Seventy-First Prince in the sedan chair glared at Vice Minister Wu. Seeing Vice Minister Wu grit his teeth and lower his head, the prince turned to Liu Xiu and said, “I accept on their behalf,” after all, he wasn’t the one kneeling to apologize. After all, it was only a bunch of servants kneeling! The Seventy-First Prince thought to himself, looking at the three unconscious imperial palace experts on the ground, and continued speaking to Liu Xiu. “I beg the Daoist to treat them first!” “Treat them first, then kneel and apologize? Are you joking? What if you go back on your word afterward? Don’t talk about reputation—in my presence, scum like you have no reputation!” Liu Xiu continued to strike at the heart while defeating them, not caring about the Seventy-First Prince’s ugly expression. He pointed to the three unconscious imperial palace experts on the ground. “Wake those three up. Then all of you—yes, including you… oh, forget about you, since you’re just a child. After they kneel and apologize, I’ll treat them.” Liu Xiu smiled at the Seventy-First Prince, whose prematurely aged face looked almost stillborn. Strangely, the Seventy-First Prince felt a chill, but still nodded in agreement. “Did you hear? Why aren’t you apologizing yet?” Same thing as before. After all, it was only a bunch of servants kneeling and apologizing, even if it made him lose face. If I kill them all afterward, no one would know I lost face, right? Unconsciously, the Seventy-First Prince recalled the teachings from his uncle lying in the coffin. Vice Minister Wu and the soldiers who had woken the three imperial palace experts exchanged grim looks, all seeing the hatred and obvious killing intent in each other’s eyes. Liu Xiu didn’t care. After all, this lot had already wanted to kill him. He only frowned slightly, looking at Daoist Qianhe, who wanted to speak up as a do-gooder. “I’m helping you out!” One sentence, and Daoist Qianhe fell silent. Dong, Nan, Xi, and Bei also fell silent—though they hadn’t planned to speak anyway. Soon, the kneeling and apologizing began under the hateful, murderous gazes of Vice Minister Wu and the others. Four-Eyed Daoist and Master Yixiu frowned slightly, but they said nothing. Liu Xiu ignored their gazes, only frowning slightly at Daoist Qianhe’s awkward smile. Forget it. I won’t argue with my martial uncle. Soon the apology ended. Liu Xiu tossed out, “Set up the tents and boil some hot water before calling him,” then looked at Four-Eyed Daoist and the others. Four-Eyed Daoist saw Liu Xiu looking at him and quickly gave Daoist Qianhe a look. Daoist Qianhe smiled and said: “This is Liu Xiu, our martial nephew!” “…Oh?” Huh? Martial nephew? Not martial uncle or martial junior brother? Four-Eyed Daoist raised an eyebrow. His stiff posture, caused by Liu Xiu’s arrogant attitude, immediately relaxed and took on a lofty air. “He’s a new disciple of our senior martial brother!” Daoist Qianhe added with an even brighter smile. Hearing the words “senior martial brother,” Four-Eyed Daoist’s eyes instantly widened and became clear as he looked at Liu Xiu. In an instant, his relaxed posture became even more stiff, and he fumbled in a hurry to salute: “Greetings, martial nephew—cough, cough—hello, martial nephew, hello, martial nephew, you’re my martial uncle—pfft—I’m your martial uncle, hello, martial uncle, pfft, hello, martial nephew…” “…” ×2+1 Good grief, is his master afraid? Not mentioning Master Yixiu and the others’ thoughts, Jiale looked strangely at his master, who was so nervous and afraid he misspoke. “Hello, martial uncle!” Liu Xiu smiled and returned the salute. Of course, it wasn’t the comedic sword-finger-high-above-the-head gesture from movies. It was a proper Daoist courtesy: left hand covering right, forming the Ziwu formula in a taiji clasped-hand salute, plus a bow and kowtow. Four-Eyed Daoist returned the same gesture—left hand covering right, forming the Ziwu formula in a taiji clasped-hand salute—the difference being he performed the earthly bowing rite of an elder, bending slightly (about a 15-degree bow). Liu Xiu performed the heavenly bowing rite (60 percent). It seemed Four-Eyed Daoist was so nervous that he bowed even more deeply than Liu Xiu, making Daoist Qianhe’s smile beside them even brighter. “Greetings, senior martial brother. Who are these two?” Liu Xiu also saluted Jiale, and while confirming that he was indeed the boy swimming in the pond that night, he looked at Master Yixiu and Qingqing, asking rhetorically. Jiale returned the salute quickly. Qingqing, who had been staring at Liu Xiu’s face, introduced: “I’m Qingqing, and this is my master, Master Yixiu!” Qingqing’s attitude was enthusiastic—so enthusiastic that Master Yixiu silently thought, “Uh-oh,” and Jiale inexplicably felt like he was losing something. “Oh…” Liu Xiu nodded. After everyone introduced themselves, Four-Eyed Daoist spoke very enthusiastically and made a welcoming gesture: “Junior brother, martial nephew, please come inside!” “Martial uncle, you’re too kind…” “Of course, of course…” Four-Eyed Daoist shook his head quickly, his expression so serious it was deadpan to the extreme, making Daoist Qianhe lower his head, shoulders shaking as he suppressed laughter. Jiale didn’t think so much. He just felt his master must have a fever today, otherwise why was he acting so strange. Seeing Four-Eyed Daoist’s attitude, Master Yixiu finally caught on and said with a look of understanding to Liu Xiu: “Might your master be the famous Shi Jian, Daoist Shi, known as number one in thunder arts of the Maoshan Sect?” “That’s right, he’s my master!” Liu Xiu smiled and nodded slightly. Jiale, even slower on the uptake, suddenly remembered the great-uncle who had scared him crying as a child, and his expression immediately turned serious. He’s afraid! Dong, Nan, Xi, and Bei were equally serious, as always—except Daoist Qianhe, who kept his head down suppressing laughter. Liu Xiu frowned slightly, glancing at Daoist Qianhe laughing with his head down. He didn’t say anything, but followed Four-Eyed Daoist toward the wooden hut. Perhaps because Liu Xiu said nothing, when Daoist Qianhe looked up, he saw Four-Eyed Daoist and his own four disciples all frowning at him. Even Master Yixiu frowned slightly! “? ? ?” What? What did I do? And what do your expressions mean? Daoist Qianhe glared at his four disciples, who seemed to think he was an embarrassment, and followed Four-Eyed Daoist toward the wooden hut with a dark old face. To be honest, He didn’t understand what was wrong with him! Why did everyone look at him like he was annoying now? Daoist Qianhe now doubted not only his cultivation, eyes, and ears, but also whether he had awakened some special Dao body. “Are there annoying Dao bodies in this world?” Daoist Qianhe wondered to himself, following everyone toward the wooden hut. It wasn’t far—only about 200 meters. They chatted as they walked and soon reached the living room of the wooden hut. Four-Eyed Daoist had been chatting with Liu Xiu from the road all the way inside. Asking how their senior martial brother was lately, whether he’d lost or gained weight—his attitude was extremely enthusiastic. From Four-Eyed Daoist’s extremely nervous attitude, Liu Xiu figured Four-Eyed Daoist must have often been beaten by his master in the past. “Jiale, serve tea, serve good tea!” As soon as Four-Eyed Daoist entered the room, he told Jiale, then quickly moved tables, chairs, and stools, making Liu Xiu want to say there was no need to be so enthusiastic. “Huh? Not serving plain boiled water?” Jiale exclaimed in surprise, feeling like he’d misheard. In the past, whenever fellow Daoists came, it was always plain boiled water. “Jiale!” Four-Eyed Daoist glared. Seeing Jiale go to pour tea with an embarrassed laugh, he smiled at Liu Xiu and the others: “This kid’s ears haven’t been good since he was young…” Master Yixiu lowered his head to suppress his laughter, too lazy to spoil Four-Eyed Daoist’s fun. Then came sitting down and drinking tea and chatting. Apparently Jiale naturally liked standing. Everyone sat, but he remained standing by their side. After learning from Daoist Qianhe that Liu Xiu hadn’t come specifically for him, but because Shi Jian and Daoist Qianhe had partnered in corpse driving, Four-Eyed Daoist heaved a huge sigh of relief. Don’t misunderstand, He was never afraid of his senior martial brother! That was respect, esteem, and awe! The thought passed in a flash, and Four-Eyed Daoist, feeling much more relaxed, picked up his teacup and drained it in one gulp. He was thinking of the bronze-cornered golden coffin he’d just seen, and frowned slightly as he looked at Daoist Qianhe and said, “The one in the coffin is a jiangshi, right?” Though his words had a question mark, they were full of certainty. It wasn’t that he sensed corpse qi. Rather, he’d seen the cinnabar net! “That’s right, there’s indeed a jiangshi inside!” Daoist Qianhe nodded. Master Yixiu said strangely beside them: “Then why not burn it, and instead have you Daoists escort it to the capital?” “I don’t know!” Daoist Qianhe shook his head. Liu Xiu curiously asked the doubt in his heart: “Then how did this prince become a jiangshi?” “This… I also heard it from those soldiers talking while drinking. I’m not sure what’s true or false…” Daoist Qianhe began to recount. The reason this prince underwent corpse transformation wasn’t because he had one breath left, but because when robbing a tomb, they unearthed a jiangshi, and he was unfortunately bitten by it. “Didn’t he try to remove the corpse poison?” Master Yixiu asked, puzzled. The other party was, after all, a prince—he couldn’t not know about corpse poison, right? Daoist Qianhe shook his head: “He certainly tried. He even invited one of our fellow Daoists, and I met that fellow Daoist myself. But that fellow Daoist said the prince becoming a jiangshi was entirely his own doing, and then he ran off…” “Why run away?” Jiale, who was in charge of pouring tea, asked in confusion. Four-Eyed Daoist rolled his eyes: “Didn’t you hear they’ve already been turned into jiangshi? Why not run? Should he stay and get beaten by his family?” Saying this, Four-Eyed Daoist added disdainfully: “But it’s evil begets evil. Let him rob tombs—he deserved to be bitten by a jiangshi…” “Amitabha…” Master Yixiu intoned a Buddha’s name, though it was unclear whether it was for the prince or for the tomb’s owner who had been robbed. Everyone chatted a few words about grave robbing being immoral. Daoist Qianhe looked at the “clients” Four-Eyed Daoist had temporarily placed in the corridor outside the door and asked doubtfully: “Senior martial brother, why are you driving corpses in broad daylight?” Don’t look at these clients as if they were jiangshi. Actually, they were just walking corpses that had produced faint corpse qi from being refined by the corpse-driving technique. At most they were a bit stiffer and tougher than ordinary corpses. They couldn’t withstand wind and sun at all. That was why many corpse drivers only drove corpses at night. But here was the problem: it was afternoon now, and Four-Eyed Daoist had said he’d only arrived not long ago. In other words, Four-Eyed Daoist had made the most basic mistake. This wasn’t Four-Eyed Daoist! “Uh…” Four-Eyed Daoist looked embarrassed but didn’t explain. He couldn’t very well say it was because he’d heard from Disciple Zhaixing that the senior martial brother was near his home, so he’d rushed here at full speed, only to get lost and arrive a few hours late. If that got out, how embarrassing would it be? Still, it wasn’t purely driving corpses in broad daylight, because there had been no sun all the way, so he didn’t have to worry about damaging the corpses. “Huh? Oh, fine, I misremembered. Four-Eyed Daoist returned home during the day…” Liu Xiu thought for a moment. He didn’t care about the change in time. After all, he didn’t exist in the original story. With him around, changes to the plot were perfectly normal. Four-Eyed Daoist didn’t want to answer Daoist Qianhe’s question, so he changed the topic. He looked curiously at Liu Xiu’s pale and slightly bluish eyes and said: “Martial nephew, what’s wrong with your appearance?” Actually, he wanted to say Liu Xiu didn’t look human, but after thinking of his senior martial brother, he decided to forget it. “Yeah, Daoist Liu, your complexion is so white and awful, paler than that vice minister. Are you sick?” Qingqing, finally finding a chance to speak, immediately asked. Only Jiale felt a bit uncomfortable—Qingqing had never called him “Daoist Jiale” before. “Took elixir pills!” Liu Xiu said briefly. He didn’t elaborate, after all there was a monk beside him. He just stood up and took out two prepared long, thin wooden boxes from his storage thumb ring, handing them to Four-Eyed Daoist and Jiale. “Martial uncle, martial brother, here!” “This is what our senior martial brother asked you to give me?” Four-Eyed Daoist asked curiously. He opened the box and was immediately stunned. Liu Xiu was about to answer no, but was interrupted by a soldier outside. “Daoist, the hot water you mentioned is ready. When will you step out to treat the three lords?” “Oh, I’m coming!” Liu Xiu nodded. He didn’t delay. He had promised, and since he promised, he would do it. Saying this, he nodded to Four-Eyed Daoist and the others, then left the living room, leaving Four-Eyed Daoist utterly baffled as he looked at the steel insole in the wooden box in his hand. “Huh, iron? Oh, steel. The senior martial uncle is quite a nice guy, actually giving me a steel insole. But why give a steel one?” Jiale asked, looking at the steel insole in his hand. “Yours is also a copper insole?” Four-Eyed Daoist frowned, snatched the steel insole from Jiale’s hand, then looked at the insole in his own wooden box. He was puzzled—why would the senior martial brother give him a copper insole? “I think Daoist Shi must have a deep meaning behind this!” Master Yixiu thought for a moment and said. After all, that was Daoist Shi, recognized as number one in thunder arts in the Maoshan Sect. Qingqing nodded in agreement, her eyes fixed on Liu Xiu as he walked out the door of the wooden hut, thinking of going to see him. Daoist Qianhe and his five disciples didn’t think so much. They were just wondering why they hadn’t received a steel insole from the senior martial brother (great-uncle). Especially Daoist Qianhe, who looked at the steel insole in Four-Eyed Daoist’s hand and unconsciously thought: “Why do senior martial brother and martial nephew both have one, but I and my four disciples don’t? Have I unknowingly offended the senior martial brother?” Do I really have some special Dao body? Daoist Qianhe frowned and fell into deep thought. Four-Eyed Daoist was also deep in thought, because of Master Yixiu’s words. “Deep meaning? What deep meaning? Is senior martial brother hinting that when I practice spirit-summoning art, I should keep my feet on the ground? No, no, senior martial brother hasn’t seen me practice spirit-summoning art, and he doesn’t know I flatter the patriarch every day…” Four-Eyed Daoist knit his brow, his mind racing. After tossing Jiale’s copper insole back to him, he took the insole, heavy-hearted, and went into the bedroom. “Why did senior martial brother only give insoles to senior martial brother and martial nephew, but not to me…” Daoist Qianhe wondered, getting up and leaving the living room with the same heavy-hearted look. Dong, Nan, Xi, and Bei followed closely behind, unconsciously wondering why they didn’t have insoles either. “? ? ?” ×1+1 What on earth is going on? Jiale and Qingqing looked at each other, watching the two groups suddenly become heavy-hearted. Master Yixiu frowned slightly: “Insole? Foot? Head and tail? Oh, I understand now. I see. Amitabha, well said, well said. No wonder Daoist Shi is so famous…” Master Yixiu smiled with a look of understanding and left the living room. “? ? ?” ×2 What? What on earth happened? What feet and head and tail? What’s wrong with you all? Qingqing looked completely bewildered. Jiale scratched his head, looking at these three groups with different expressions, full of doubt. He thought for a moment and decided to go settle the “clients” first, otherwise he feared he might get beaten later. On the other side, outside the wooden hut, 200 meters in front of three tents. “Tsk. I bet the moment I lift the tent flap, eight hundred swordsmen and axemen will come hacking at me,” Liu Xiu said, looking at the tightly closed tent flaps, making a historical joke. But the culturally limited soldier didn’t understand the joke at all and quickly laughed awkwardly, shaking his head: “No, no, of course not…” “Go lift the curtain, or I’ll shoot!” Liu Xiu said, drawing his Colt. It wasn’t cowardice, just caution. Then he changed his mind: “Forget it. Just have those three come out. I’ll treat their wounds outside.” “Yes, yes…” The soldier, swallowing saliva, looked at Liu Xiu pointing the gun at him and replied, then quickly ran into the tent and helped the three imperial palace experts out. “Get a table over here. And hot water?” Liu Xiu said, then, under the wide-eyed stares of the soldiers and the three imperial palace experts, took out a scalpel and iodine tincture, among other items. Where are your elixir pills? You’re a Daoist, after all! At the very least, you could use some Chinese herbs! The three imperial palace experts and Seventy-First Prince and the others watching the spectacle thought to themselves. Liu Xiu explained: “This stuff works fast. It just hurts a bit!” Liu Xiu, who had elixir pills but didn’t use them, held the scalpel, a smile on his face that, to the three imperial palace experts, looked very demonic. Next, he used the iodine tincture and other items he’d prepared in case he himself got injured to debride the wounds of the three imperial palace experts. Liu Xiu wasn’t sure whether the three would survive after debridement, after all he didn’t know if the barely visible radiating metal particles from where his Crimson Firmament Sword had fallen had entered deep into their bodies. But he could be certain of one thing: if they weren’t debrided, they would die even faster. After all, the wounds on their hands were already festering and infected. “Anyway, as long as they make it through tomorrow!” Liu Xiu muttered to himself. After all, according to the narration, he would “die” tomorrow. Logically, the plot should still follow the story of the imperial-clan jiangshi bursting out of the coffin. So the three imperial palace experts still had to die! Besides, treating them didn’t necessarily mean curing them. What he had promised was only to treat them. After thinking it over, Liu Xiu picked up the scalpel and performed debridement surgery on the three imperial palace experts. The three imperial palace experts were tough—without making a sound, they closed their eyes and fainted. After debridement, Liu Xiu took out an antibiotic of uncertain effectiveness and gave them an injection. “Hope they won’t be allergic?” Forgetting to do a skin test due to carelessness, Liu Xiu muttered, hoping they’d be fine. Then he raised an eyebrow, looking at Vice Minister Wu eating a red elixir pill, and said in surprise: “Oh, so you also take metal-mineral elixirs? No wonder your face is so white. I originally thought you had kidney deficiency!” “Hmph!” Vice Minister Wu’s pale face turned ugly as he snorted coldly and turned toward the tent, his steps unsteady from the gunshot wound on his body. “Alright, problem solved!” Liu Xiu couldn’t be bothered to argue with someone on the brink of death. He just smiled at Seventy-First Prince, then cleaned his scalpel and other items, put them away, and walked toward the wooden hut. After a few steps, he turned back and, using clean hot water, also washed his White Jade Cicada. After doing all this, Liu Xiu continued toward the wooden hut. The 200-meter distance passed in an instant. Just as he was thinking about returning to the living room to keep chatting, he saw Daoist Qianhe shelling corn to feed a little flower-patterned pig, looking heavy-hearted. And Dong, Nan, Xi, and Bei with the same expression! Then he looked through the window of the wooden hut at Four-Eyed Daoist, frowning tightly as he sat at the desk. Liu Xiu wondered in surprise: “Why does everyone look like this? Did some fellow Daoist die?” Liu Xiu unconsciously wondered how much condolence money would be appropriate. But soon, after pumping Jiale for a little information, he realized he was overthinking, and that Four-Eyed Daoist and the others were overthinking too. “My martial uncles’ ancestors had the surname Xun, right?” Liu Xiu muttered in the morgue, at the same time glad he hadn’t sent an empty box. Jiale beside him asked curiously: “Junior martial brother, what’s wrong with my master and the others?” “Maybe… they’re hungry?” Liu Xiu was about to state the truth, but after thinking he might get beaten, he decided not to say anything. Besides, he had never said the copper insoles were from his master. “Hungry? No way. Looking at how heavy-hearted they are, there must be something wrong…” Jiale frowned and said. “Hunger affects mood. It’s perfectly normal for them to be like this!” Liu Xiu glanced at the Black Jiangshi also placed in the morgue and said to Jiale with a completely serious expression. “…” Am I really that much like an idiot? Jiale rolled his eyes, feeling that this junior martial brother Liu Xiu was treating him like a fool. He was smart, okay? “Don’t believe me? Want to bet that if you tell them to go cook now, they’ll all say yes?” Liu Xiu said. “Really or not?” Jiale looked unbelieving. Liu Xiu didn’t say anything more, just turned to look at his Black Jiangshi. After Jiale scratched his head and left the morgue saying he’d go cook, Liu Xiu turned to look out the window at the sky, gradually darkening as evening came. Well, dinnertime was coming soon! Well, he wasn’t as smart as my senior martial brother Shaojian! Liu Xiu muttered, withdrew his gaze, narrowed his eyes at the morgue before him, and fully activated his jade-green eyes and square pupils. He carefully scanned the morgue before him! “Huh? My Four-Eyed martial uncle really only drives corpses and doesn’t cultivate corpses. So, everything the narration cheat said is true?” Thinking of his first plan, Liu Xiu looked at the Black Jiangshi whose black robe he had pulled off: “Good thing I have you as a replacement…” Liu Xiu called out that he wouldn’t eat dinner and would cultivate corpse-driving, then found a bucket of water and a basin from the kitchen and came into the morgue, closing the doors and windows. He found a table, and from his storage thumb ring took out prepared bottles and jars labeled with names like silver nitrate, potassium cyanide, potassium alkali, potassium ferric alum, caustic soda, dilute alum water, and so on. He also took out the silver bars from Lady Su and the copper plates he had prepared. Liu Xiu smiled contentedly at the Black Jiangshi before him, whose eyes showed fear, and said with a slight smile: “As the saying goes: Thunder arts urge the silver liquid to boil; the corpse body bathes in silver radiance. Silver nitrate, cyanide, and alkali all take the field; lightning flashes, and silver armor returns. Don’t be afraid, Old Black. I’ll help you become a Silver-Armored Corpse…” His first plan was to electroplate Four-Eyed Daoist’s jiangshi to deal with the imperial-clan jiangshi that was about to burst out of the coffin. This was also the main reason he had asked Daoist Qianhe on the road about gold-armored corpses and related matters. But what made him think of the electroplating plan was the books in the study of the Yizhuang. The content in the books was not much different from what Daoist Qianhe said about gold, silver, and copper armored corpses being formed by underground metal qi. But more comprehensive! So comprehensive that the word “immersion” appeared. Immersion has a synonym: penetration. That was why Liu Xiu thought of the plan to electroplate a Silver-Armored Corpse. He had no choice—he couldn’t create a high-pressure penetration environment. Although he thought making a Silver-Armored Corpse through high-pressure penetration should be easier, cough cough, he was getting off track. Anyway, although the electroplating plan had directly failed because Four-Eyed Daoist only drove corpses and didn’t cultivate them, it wasn’t a big problem. Liu Xiu now had a jiangshi himself—and a Level Two Black Jiangshi at that. “It should be fine, right? After all, metal is the personification of metal qi… Theoretically, high-pressure penetration can create Silver-Armored Corpses?! So I think electroplating should be fine too… Turning silver into an ionic state through electroplating should also count as metal qi…” Liu Xiu muttered and thought to himself, feeling there shouldn’t be a big problem. He started brushing dilute alum water onto the Black Jiangshi’s hands to remove surface grease. Very soon, after a few seconds, white smoke rose. Liu Xiu looked at the Black Jiangshi, who showed pain even under the corpse-suppressing talisman, and said in surprise: “Huh? You still feel pain?” Liu Xiu frowned at the Black Jiangshi’s pained expression, shook his head, and continued brushing on the dilute alum water: “Demons, ghosts, and monsters have no sense of pain…” Thump— Qingqing, peeking through the window crack, swallowed saliva with a face full of fear. She covered her mouth, watching Liu Xiu brushing dilute alum water onto the jiangshi’s hands. You know, dilute alum water has another name: That is low-concentration sulfuric acid! “Who?” Liu Xiu’s ears twitched as he turned around, looking at Qingqing peeking through the window crack. He frowned: “Don’t you know peeking is wrong?” “I… I… I…” Qingqing scrambled back several steps. She stared wide-eyed at Liu Xiu’s pale handsome face and his bared white teeth. Then she looked at his greenish eyes, the dim candlelight behind him, and the jiangshi’s hands that were smoking. Her face turned pale as she turned and ran: “I… I didn’t see anything…” “? ? ?” What are you running from? Do I look like a bad person? Have you ever seen such a handsome bad person? Liu Xiu complained in his heart and continued treating the Black Jiangshi!