Spread Rumors and You'll Be Cooked into a Dish

"Yu Xian is a fool, fool, fool." "Nora farts in her sleep, farts in her sleep, farts in her sleep." "Ximen Wangcai loves eating boogers, loves eating boogers, loves eating boogers." "Situ Xingye is gay, is gay, is gay." Amidst the glow of the magic circle, a big-beaked bird bearing a prominent gossip mole slowly materialized. Turning toward Yu Xian, it screeched at the top of its lungs. Just as Yu Xian moved to crush it with a single punch, the bird swung its gaze toward Little Nora and loudly squawked its gossip. Before Little Nora could fire back, it swiveled toward Ximen Wangcai. Hearing its words, the veins on Ximen Wangcai's forehead bulged slightly; no sooner had he gripped his sword hilt than the bird turned its eyes onto Situ Xingye. Yu Xian stared at the bird in silence. [Busybody Bird] [Level: 1] [Skills:] [Rumormonger Attack: The Busybody Bird possesses the ability to gather gossip regarding its targets, then fabricates rumors based on that gossip to inflict mental damage on enemies.] [Note: Busybody Bird: This guy is a simp!!!] He had seen members of this bird's species before, but ordinary Busybody Birds were Level 5 creatures. This one was only Level 1. Yet he had to admit that its barrage of rumor attacks had instantly struck everyone present dumb. The skill did not even distinguish friend from foe. "Big Brother, let me handle it!" "I can prove I don't fart in my sleep!" Little Nora glared furiously at the Busybody Bird, gnashing her teeth. It so happened that she had unlocked a new skill upon reaching Level 20, and this was the perfect chance to test it on the Busybody Bird. [Name: Nora Hild Garuda] [Level: 20] [Class: Lucky Gourmet] [Skills:] [Gourmet: When eating, grants a chance to gain 1–10 EXP as well as temporary stat boosts.] [Lucky Star: When eating, grants a chance to gain a buff; can maintain up to eight buffs simultaneously.] [Star of Sustenance: Teleports ingredients to the Star of Sustenance, where the God of Cookery prepares them into food before teleporting them back.] [Current Buffs: Friendly Aura, Fully Automatic Counterattack, Defense Boost, Steel Skin.] Her third skill appeared completely harmless on the surface, but in reality, it was a game-breaking ability that connected to another dimension. A God of Cookery resided in that dimension. This God of Cookery was essentially a summoned beast generated by Little Nora's skill. Its level matched her own, but it possessed a World Boss template. Once Little Nora banished a creature to that other space, the teleported creature was forced to confront the God of Cookery. Naturally, it was not an inescapable death sentence. As long as the target held out for ten minutes, it would be teleported back. If it was slain by the God of Cookery within those ten minutes, however, its corpse would be cooked into a meal and sent straight back in front of Little Nora. Enraged, Little Nora unleashed the skill directly at the Busybody Bird. Opening her beak, she spat out a sphere of light. The instant the light struck the Busybody Bird, it was teleported away to the dimension known as the Star of Sustenance. To the Busybody Bird, it felt as though it had merely blinked, only to find itself standing upon a celestial body. Anyone who had watched the animated version of *The Little Prince* could easily picture what this planet looked like. It was an exceedingly tiny planet, furnished with nothing more than a cooking stove, kitchen utensils, and jars of seasonings. Just then, a man as round as a balloon descended from the sky. Wearing a chef's hat and a chef's uniform emblazoned with the characters for 'Sustenance,' he peered down at the Busybody Bird with squinted eyes. "Clothing and sustenance, each share is fated by heaven!" "The God of Cookery likes spitting in the food when he cooks!" The moment the Busybody Bird met the God of Cookery's gaze, it stretched its large beak wide and hollered at full volume. Yet just as it prepared to repeat 'spitting in the food,' the God of Cookery reached out and seized its neck. What followed was a thoroughly gory spectacle, leaving behind only the Busybody Bird's agonized screeches. *** Five minutes flew by. With a soft *pop*, a platter materialized out of thin air before Little Nora, bearing a headless roast fowl that resembled a roasted chicken. "Little Nora's skills all seem completely overpowered. Troupe Leader, what on earth is her background?" Ximen Wangcai asked curiously. Taking a leg that Little Nora tore off and handed to him, Yu Xian laughed. "Why overthink it? Little Nora is Little Nora, right?" "Mhm, mhm! I'll always be Big Brother's Little Nora," Little Nora chimed in, nodding vigorously. The two of them each took a bite of the Busybody Bird's meat, and their eyes lit up at the same time. The flavor was a bit like roast duck, a bit like roast chicken, and a bit like roast goose, yet upon careful chewing, it even carried a subtle hint of bamboo rat. In short, the flavor profile was complex, but seamlessly harmonious. Elevated by the God of Cookery's exquisite culinary mastery, the resulting taste was astonishingly delicious. "So good!" Little Nora cheered happily. "It really is!" Yu Xian agreed. Downing the 'chicken leg' in a few bites, he crouched down intending to snatch another piece from Little Nora, only to find that she had already devoured the entire Busybody Bird. "Now it definitely knows whether I fart in my sleep or not," Little Nora said, patting her belly with deep satisfaction. *Fair enough.* Out of all the people it could have offended, the Busybody Bird had chosen Little Nora. Now it was going to be digested down to the last scrap. Then again, Yu Xian naturally knew best whether Little Nora farted in her sleep. After all, whenever he slept alongside her, he invariably woke up facing her rear end. If Little Nora actually farted in her sleep, he would have been knocked out by the fumes long ago. "All right, that was just a minor interlude." "Looks like I need to get serious this time." Yu Xian wiped his mouth, then bent down and plucked another clump of grass. Deciding that the failure to summon anything exceptional earlier was due to Ximen Wangcai's luck lacking sufficient weight, he prayed inwardly, *Great Zhen, lovely Zhen, I hereby offer up the lifelong romantic luck of Ximen Wangcai, Situ Xingye, and oh, Feng Mingge as well! In exchange for them remaining single forever, grant me a God-rank summoned beast!* Finishing his silent prayer, he offered up the grass in his hand and activated Chaos Summoning. Sure enough, one truly had to make more friends in life. Otherwise, when the time came to use them, one would bitterly regret having so few—scarcely enough to scrape together a single God-rank summon. Still, a flicker of doubt crossed his mind: could Ximen Wangcai actually be gay? How else had the sacrifice failed to produce any effect earlier? While he was badmouthing Ximen Wangcai in his head, a skeleton soldier slowly emerged from the magic circle before him, wearing a crown upon its skull and holding a golden longbow in its hands. "A Skeleton Archer?" Seeing the creature, Ximen Wangcai frowned slightly. Under normal circumstances, skeleton soldiers were exceptionally weak, serving as pure cannon fodder among the undead. A Skeleton Archer's standing was only marginally higher than that of a Skeleton Warrior. "Troupe Leader, maybe you should switch to a different offering," Situ Xingye suggested. If this went on, night would fall while Yu Xian was still busy summoning, leaving no time to level up. Yet as Yu Xian inspected the stats of the Skeleton Archer before him, his eyes gleamed. The thing looked like low-tier cannon fodder, but it was not even in the same league.