"Big Hammer, I heard that among your dwarf clan, men and women look completely identical. So are you male or female?"
"I am a woman! And another thing... my name is Heavyhammer, not Big Hammer!"
"A woman!"
"Then what about you, Luo Wei?"
"I'm a man, of course! A proper, red-blooded man!"
"And Sif... what about you?"
"Lord Newton, are you blind?"
"Well, even though your chest is quite large, perky, and nicely shaped, what if male elves also have big chests? I'm just making sure!"
"Then what about you, Lord Newton? Are you male or female?"
"As a member of the mixed-blood mermaids, my gender changes once every thousand years. Currently, I'm male, but a thousand years from now, I will become an attack helicopter. And another thousand years after that, my gender will turn into a plastic bag."
"What kind of gender is an attack helicopter?"
"No idea."
The campfire crackled and popped.
Everyone sat cross-legged around the fire, chatting idly without much structure.
In the end, Yu Xian gave a boxed meal to Sif as well. After tasting the food, both Sif and Heavyhammer wore ecstatic expressions. This was Huangquan's culinary work, after all, and there were virtually no chefs across the Myriad Realms superior to her at present. She was fully qualified to call herself the God of Cookery.
For the members of the Hero party to taste a boxed meal prepared by Huangquan was the blessing of three lifetimes—an experience worthy of dying with no regrets.
Outside, the blizzard raged relentlessly, showing no sign of letting up.
Having eaten and drunk their fill, the party finally succumbed to exhaustion and drifted off to sleep on the ground one by one. Only Yu Xian remained watching over the campfire, occasionally rubbing his chin to suppress a few bizarre thoughts.
Aside from the Hero himself, every single member of the party was female.
No matter how one looked at it, this lineup seemed ripped straight from an anime adaptation of a third-rate western fantasy harem light novel.
However, upon glancing at Heavyhammer, Yu Xian discarded that idea. Heavyhammer sounded like a man, acted like a man, and had a thick beard like a man. It was entirely the 'draw a boy and call it a girl' trope, far too unsightly to fit anime conventions.
If this were an anime, a female dwarf ought to be drawn as a petite girl.
Should he... give her a hand?
Yu Xian's eyes lit up as a bold thought surfaced.
In the end, he left it at just a thought. Dwarven aesthetics were completely different from human ones; Heavyhammer was almost certainly quite satisfied with her current appearance. If he were to rashly transform her into a cute little girl, she would not be happy—she would be furious.
Though he frequently engaged in absurd antics, he still possessed basic moral decency.
The next day.
The wind and snow had not ceased.
Luo Wei and the others stood at the mouth of the cave, worry written all over their faces.
If the blizzard never stopped, would they be trapped on this Great Snow Mountain forever? How would they crusade against the Demonic Dragon then?
"Don't worry! I have enough stored food to last more than ten years. Even if we live here in seclusion for the rest of our lives, there won't be any problem!" Yu Xian walked up beside Luo Wei, gazing out at the blizzard and offering his utterly careless comfort.
What kind of comfort was that supposed to be?!
Carmen rolled her eyes at Yu Xian and retorted, "Lord Newton, you really take things as they come!"
"Thank you for the compliment! I was born with a big heart," Yu Xian said cheerfully.
Carmen replied helplessly, "I wasn't complimenting you at all!"
"You don't believe I have a big heart?" Yu Xian blinked, asking in return.
Carmen snapped in exasperation, "This isn't about your heart!"
"I knew you didn't believe me! Fine, I'll carve out my heart and show it to you so you can see whether my heart is big or not!" Yu Xian said excitedly.
With that, he whipped out a dagger and aimed it at his chest, as if he genuinely intended to gouge out his own heart.
"Don't do anything rash, Mr. Newton! Please, don't be rash! We believe you! We believe you!" Luo Wei hurried forward, grabbing Yu Xian's arms and shouting desperately.
Carmen, Sif, and Heavyhammer watched the scene in utter speechlessness.
They had already sensed something off the previous night, but now they were finally certain of one thing: Yu Xian was full of nonsense from top to bottom, simply messing with everyone for his own amusement.
With great effort, Luo Wei finally managed to talk Yu Xian down.
They all returned into the cave to warm themselves by the fire. Luo Wei hesitated for a moment before speaking up. "Lord Newton, I have an unreasonable request."
"Unreasonable requests are my favorite! Go ahead!" Yu Xian replied immediately.
Blushing, Luo Wei said, "Actually, before becoming the Hero, my greatest dream was to be a farmer. Later, I wanted to become a painter, and I even dreamed of being a musician. Could you help me forge a sword that can turn into a hoe, a paintbrush, and a musical instrument?"
"That's too easy! As it happens, the sword on your back will do nicely. Watch this!" Yu Xian laughed immediately.
Before Luo Wei or the Holy Dragon Gabriel could stop him, Yu Xian drew the sword from Luo Wei's back in a flash. Everyone present froze in shock.
The Holy Sword Durandal could only be drawn from its scabbard by the Hero.
Since ancient times, every single person who had drawn the Holy Sword Durandal had become a legendary Hero sung of in lore, each and every one a mythical figure.
Furthermore, in any given era, only one person could ever draw the Holy Sword Durandal. This was practically an ironclad law.
Yet that ironclad law had just been shattered. Following Luo Wei, Yu Xian had become the second person to draw the Holy Sword Durandal from its scabbard. Could it be that there were two Heroes in this era?
Because the members of the Hero party were so stunned, they completely forgot to stop Yu Xian from tampering with the Holy Sword Durandal.
In just a single minute, Yu Xian announced gleefully, "All done! Luo Wei, give it a try!"
Saying so, he handed the Holy Sword Durandal back to Luo Wei. Luo Wei took the weapon in a daze, and only when he realized what Yu Xian had done did he snap back to his senses in horror.
"Lord Newton, wh-what did you do to the Holy Sword?" Luo Wei asked in panic, his hands trembling.
Yu Xian declared proudly, "Heh heh! I am the finest alchemical chef in the world today. Naturally, I granted your request! Take a look at the button beside the crossguard and press it to see!"
"..."
Hearing this, Luo Wei looked in silence toward the crossguard of the Holy Sword Durandal. Sure enough, an inconspicuous little button had been added, resembling a gem embedded into the guard.
The problem was that he spent day and night with the Holy Sword Durandal, so he knew full well that no such thing had existed on it before.
Apprehensively, he pressed the button. In the next instant, the hilt rapidly lengthened while the blade shrank back, until finally, the Holy Sword Durandal turned into a hoe.
"It's over!"
Seeing this, the Holy Dragon Gabriel rolled its eyes back and fainted on the spot.
This was the Holy Sword it had guarded for countless ages! Now it had turned into a hoe! If it couldn't turn back, how was it supposed to recruit Heroes in the future?
Was it supposed to hold up a hoe and tell the next Hero, "Don't underestimate this hoe—it's the Holy Hoe!"?
It was over.
The Holy Dragon Gabriel felt that its lifelong glorious reputation was utterly ruined.
Chapter 668