Family Banquet

The wireworm wriggled across his cheekbone, poking its head out from the inner corner of his eye. Li Banfeng saw its head, mere millimeters from his eyeball. There was a mouth upon the worm’s head. He could not make out what was inside it, but he knew the creature’s mouth was lined up squarely with his eye, primed to take a bite. Li Banfeng leaped onto the "bank," gripped the wireworm, and pulled with all his might. The wireworm’s skin was coarse and thick, lined with tiny barbs. Tearing away a clump of flesh and blood, Li Banfeng yanked the wireworm clean out from the corner of his eye. Tossing the worm to the ground, Li Banfeng tried to stomp on it, but his feet had lost all sensation. His leather shoes were riddled with holes; who knew how many wireworms had burrowed into his feet. He used the key to open the Portable Abode, threw the key as far away as he could, and stumbled into the room. He collapsed onto the floor, his entire body racked with waves of numbness and itching as hundreds of worms squirmed within his flesh. *Whoosh—* A plume of steam swept in, enveloping Li Banfeng completely. The steam seeped into his wounds, exterminating the worms one by one. Three stylus needles reached out toward Li Banfeng, first stripping off his shoes and then shredding his socks. His feet were densely covered in puncture holes the size of incense-stick tips, and inside some of them, things were still writhing. "Aiyaya, they're not all dead!" the gramophone lamented. "Where did these vile creatures come from? The Wireworm River? The worms of the Wireworm River shouldn't be this formidable." Li Banfeng heard her words, but lacked the strength to reply. Nor could he have answered anyway; he had no idea what was wrong with these worms either. The gramophone stripped off Li Banfeng’s clothes. A cloud of steam circled around him, and after a quarter of an hour, the squirming worms within the holes ceased all signs of life. Killing these worms was a simple matter for the gramophone, but she was worried about harming Li Banfeng. A stylus needle pierced into a hole on Li Banfeng’s ankle bone, probed for a moment, and hooked out a wireworm over a dozen centimeters long. All three styluses went to work together, picking out the dead wireworms one by one. Li Banfeng’s body convulsed repeatedly, and he stammered, "My lady, gentler... be gentle with the crucial spots, please." There were quite a few worms in those crucial spots as well. *Hiss, hiss—* The gramophone gave deliberate prods. "Aiyaya, my good husband~ Why didn’t you tell me to be gentle when you applied the machine oil? Now you know what it feels like? *Huahaha!*" *** Surrounded by an entourage of retainers, Lu Dongjun stepped off the train. He had traveled from Lüshui City to Haichiling. The moment he walked out onto the platform, journalists swarmed him. "Mr. Lu, is your visit this time for disaster relief?" Lu Dongjun smiled faintly. "As I have stated before, disaster relief is useless until the pests are eradicated. My purpose in coming here is to sweep Haichiling completely clean of the Extinction Mosquitoes—not leaving a single one behind." "Mr. Lu, the disaster is severe across all of Haichiling. Where do you plan to begin?" "I intend to start with Toudaoling." Haichiling was divided into three mountain ranges. Toudaoling was the most prosperous, a medium-sized city. Erdaoling consisted of three towns, while Sandaoling was relatively remote, comprising dozens of villages large and small. A journalist pressed on, "Mr. Lu, the major families have exhausted their methods, and considerable forces have been deployed from the Outer States, yet none have found a solution to the Extinction Mosquitoes. How confident are you in this undertaking?" Lu Dongjun looked at the reporter and spoke with absolute composure. "I am entirely confident." *Click, click, click.* Cameras flashed without pause. These words truly stunned the reporters. Lu Dongjun continued, "This is no idle boast. I believe that if any prominent family in Puluo Province were to bring out their true capabilities, they would be able to completely eliminate these pests. "Yet have they brought out their true capabilities? They fear revealing their clan's strength, and they fear courting unnecessary trouble. To this day, while the people of Haichiling starve and suffer, they remain busy scheming against one another. "The Lu family is not like them, and I, Lu Dongjun, am not like them. Today, I leave my word right here: until the Extinction Mosquitoes are eradicated, I will never leave Haichiling!" The reporters were deeply moved. One journalist asked cautiously, "I heard that some conflicts have arisen between you and your family members. Would it be convenient to share any details with us?" Lu Dongjun laughed. "By conflicts, do you refer to Qiu Zhiheng? Is his surname Lu? Is he a member of the Lu family? What right does he have to meddle in Lu family affairs? "Once the matters in Haichiling are settled, I will return to Lüshuiwan to clean house. I will render an account to my elder brother, to the Lu family, and to all of Puluo Province!" These lines had all been prepared beforehand by Wan Jinxian, and Lu Dongjun had memorized them by heart. The reporters wanted to press further regarding the dispute between Lu Dongjun and Qiu Zhiheng, but Lu Dongjun pressed his hand down. "The pressing matter at hand is not my petty domestic squabbles. Keeping the common folk of Haichiling alive is our paramount concern. "I am fully prepared to wage a fight to the death against these pests. I hope the prominent families and major gangs of Haichiling will set aside their grudges and fight alongside me. I believe that as long as we unite our efforts, we will surely..." Just as his speech reached its climax, a mosquito flew directly into Lu Dongjun's mouth, causing him to choke and cough twice. Under normal circumstances, such an absurd slip would never occur to a Tier 8 Martial Cultivator. However, Lu Dongjun was somewhat impassioned, and the mosquitoes in Haichiling were truly so numerous that they permeated every nook and cranny. Fortunately, the mosquitoes here fed only on grain and did not suck blood, posing no direct physical harm to humans. The mosquitoes had gathered here because their eyes were on the grain Lu Dongjun had brought along. This grain had been specially treated by Wan Jinxian and sealed inside glass cases. It was not meant to be eaten by humans, but rather used to kill the mosquitoes. Though Lu Dongjun had accidentally swallowed a mosquito, it was merely a minor blemish on an otherwise splendid speech. Leaving the train station, Wan Jinxian escorted Lu Dongjun to a residential compound. This was the residence he had arranged in advance for Lu Dongjun. While it could not match the opulence of Lüshuiwan, every necessity and comfort had been thoroughly provided for. Once settled in, Lu Dongjun summoned Wan Jinxian and said, "If you ask me, we should strike tomorrow and wipe out all the mosquitoes in Toudaoling first!" Wan Jinxian shook his head. "Master, you are too impatient. You must listen to me on this. Wait two days before making a move. Let the reporters drum up a massive wave of publicity, so that everyone throughout Haichiling knows exactly who saved them!" *** The publicity truly surged. Looking at the newspaper, He Yuxiu laughed out of pure fury. "Damn it all. That miserable bastard Lu Dongjun speaks so disgustingly, acting as though he's the only one lifting a finger while everyone else is just a bystander. I'd love to see what the hell he plans to use to eradicate the Extinction Mosquitoes!" The He family patriarch, He Haiqin, sat in silence for a long while before shaking his head slightly. "For Lu Dongjun to dare speak such words proves he must have some tricks up his sleeve." He Yuxiu spat. "What dogshit tricks could he possibly have? If you scooped out that brain of his, it wouldn't weigh an ounce. He's leagues below his brother. If you ask me, he simply couldn't stay in Lüshui City any longer, so he ran off to Haichiling to bluff, swindle, and bide his time." "We cannot be careless. If he truly wipes out the mosquitoes, Haichiling will become his domain from now on. Haisheng!" He Haiqin summoned the third son of the He family, He Jiaqing's third paternal uncle, He Haisheng. "Make a trip to Haichiling. Keep it quiet, watch Lu Dongjun from the shadows, and see what kind of game he's playing!" *** *Hiss, pant—* Having eradicated all the worms inside Li Banfeng's body, the gramophone turned her sights toward the chunk of flesh taken from Pan Dehai. The sound of a huqin drifted forth, followed by an old tune: *"The pipa sounds so sweet and slow,* *The song strikes sorrow deep and low,* *The ways of the world are hard to know,* *Fine blossoms find no eyes to glow,* *How can a crow with a phoenix go?"* The song was titled "A Crow Paired with a Phoenix." Its melody was plaintive and mournful, its lyrics laced with a bitter, unreconciled longing. Sung from the wife's mouth, it carried an extraordinary allure. What kind of allure? The kind that made Li Banfeng burst with fury! "What are you singing that for? Are you saying I'm not good enough for you?" Wrapped entirely in bandages, Li Banfeng glared at the gramophone. "Aiyaya, my good husband, your humble servant was not speaking of you. Your humble servant was speaking of this piece of meat. This meat is a fine treasure, yet given your current cultivation tier, my good husband cannot partake of it. If we just leave it sitting here until all its vitality fades, wouldn't that be a terrible waste?" Though she had talked in circles, the core message was singular. "If you're hungry, just eat it. Why call me a crow? Why didn't you go ahead and call me a toad!" Li Banfeng snapped, still thoroughly annoyed. "Aiyaya, my good husband, your humble servant truly wasn't referring to you. How could you ever be a toad? Even if you were a toad, you would be a Golden Toad!" "Fine, fine, just eat it!" The gramophone did not hold back. Two styluses stabbed into the chunk of flesh, voraciously absorbing the spiritual energy from within. The Red Lotus would not eat the living, and the gramophone would not eat the dead. Such were their inherent natures. Did this piece of flesh count as living or dead? It was hard to define. Judging by the wife's ravenous manner of feeding, this flesh hung between life and death—it possessed spiritual essence, but was by no means a complete soul. It took a full hour for the wife to thoroughly consume the spiritual essence within the flesh. The remaining portion would be left for the Red Lotus. The Red Lotus was in the outer chamber. Li Banfeng could not get out of bed, and the gramophone could not interact directly with the Red Lotus; the moment they made direct contact, a fight would break out between them. The gramophone nudged open the door to the outer chamber and called out, "Wretched wench! There's good food to be had, come gorge yourself!" Before the Red Lotus could respond, someone suddenly dashed up outside the door and roared at the top of his voice: *"Looking up to the heavens, with a loud laugh I take my stride—* *How could one of my caliber among the weeds abide!"* The moment his words fell, the Tang dao dashed forward and sliced away a small sliver of the flesh. "*Huahaha!*" Having secured this morsel of flesh, the Tang dao was thoroughly satisfied. Fearing retribution from the gramophone and the Red Lotus, he swiftly fled toward the third room. The pendulum took the opportunity to suck down a few mouthfuls of blood. The gramophone did not stop her. "This little wench rendered great service as well; let her drink." The earring broke into tears. "Master~" Li Banfeng set the earring by the edge of the table. "Go eat on your own!" Eat on her own? How could it be that easy? The earring could not move, nor did she dare act presumptuously before the gramophone. "Mistress..." The earring paid her respects with utmost reverence. The gramophone gave a cold huff. Using a puff of steam, she carried the earring over to the meat, coating it thoroughly in rich juices. The earring was overjoyed and offered profuse thanks. The gramophone replied coldly, "No need for thanks. With today's meal, all you wenches may eat your fill." The Tang dao shouted in laughter from the third room, "I am of male stock, no wench!" The gramophone snapped, "Another word from you, and I'll melt you down for scrap iron!" The bronze lotus waited for no one else. Stirring up a miniature whirlwind, it swept the meat inside, closed its petals, and began refining pills. Was there anyone else? Yes! An aged voice wailed, "I'm so cold... won't someone warm me up?" It was the teapot. The teapot the Ascetic Cultivator Zhong Desong had gifted to Li Banfeng. Because this artifact was of too high a tier and came at too steep a price, it had remained sealed until now. Yet today, for reasons unknown, it was actually capable of speech. In truth, the wife had intentionally allowed it to speak. "Aiyaya, you old ghost, now you know what cold feels like? *Huahaha!* Want to eat? Have you learned the rules yet? If you haven't, you'll only be watching from now on." "I know the rules. Mistress, please show mercy and spare me." This teapot was indeed of great utility. Li Banfeng looked toward his wife, and she replied, "Do not fret, my good husband. Once your humble servant adds another room to the household for you in the future, this teapot will not dare act out of line." Her meaning was that once Li Banfeng advanced another tier, he would be able to command this teapot. Advance another tier again? It was quite possible. Pan Dehai was no ordinary figure. After consuming his flesh, the wife’s strength would likely recover by a considerable margin. If he became a Tier 4 Dwelling Cultivator while remaining a Tier 2 journey cultivator, would the resulting backlash tear Li Banfeng to pieces all over again? There was no negotiating this matter. First, he could not reveal the matter of his journey cultivation to his wife; second, his wife never gave him advance warning before an advancement. He had to find an opportunity to quickly elevate his journey cultivation to Tier 3. *Whoosh— Hiss, hiss, hiss—* The wife let out a yawn. "Aiyaya, my good husband, rest well in the room and recover from your wounds. Your humble servant is weary and must sleep for a while." This meal was not easy to digest, and the wife sank into a deep slumber.