Granny Bitter

Li Banfeng and Chu the Second sat across from each other at the table. Before them sat a plate of bitter greens and two steamed cornmeal buns. "I added salt to the bitter greens. They're quite tasty—try some." Li Banfeng was in no mood for bitter greens, and besides, this meager spread was nowhere near enough to fill his stomach. Chu the Second's rations were distributed monthly by Kucaizhuang, and she was only permitted this much per meal; even as a woman, she couldn't get full here. "Where's my key?" That was what Li Banfeng cared about most. Chu the Second looked displeased. "You came all this way just for a key, or to find me?" Li Banfeng offered a faint smile. "Silly girl, what foolishness are you talking? What kind of man do you take me for? Running all the way out to this place—of course it was to find my key." Chu the Second's face turned white with rage. "You didn't have to be so blunt about it!" "Give me the key. Quickly!" "I won't!" "You won't?" "I just won't. What are you going to do about it?" "Nothing, I suppose." In truth, Li Banfeng really couldn't do much to her. He had heard from Ma the Fifth that Chu the Second had all sorts of tricks for torturing herself; torturing or interrogating her would be utterly useless. Pondering for a moment, Li Banfeng changed his tactics. Gazing at Chu the Second with eyes full of tenderness, he said, "Claiming I came for the key was just an excuse I cooked up. In my heart, I truly came looking for you." Chu the Second rolled her eyes up at him. "Are you speaking from the heart?" Gritting his teeth, Li Banfeng said, "From the bottom of my heart." "Swear an oath for me to hear, then." Li Banfeng shook his head. "I'm not the superstitious type." Chu the Second smiled faintly. "Let's say you're telling the truth, then. First tell me—how did you get to Kucaizhuang?" "It's a long story," Li Banfeng began spinning his tale. "When I discovered my key was missing, I started searching everywhere. I ended up looking over at Ma the Fifth's place." "Ma the Fifth told you I'd been to your room?" "Yes, he told me!" "And he told you I came to Kucaizhuang?" "Right, that was him too." Chu the Second thought it over; it did sound plausible. "And then?" *And then? This woman has way too many questions.* Li Banfeng kept making things up. "The moment I heard you went to Kucaizhuang, I panicked. I was worried sick about you, so I scrambled to get a train ticket and rushed over. It was my first time coming here, and I couldn't tell north from south or east from west. It took everything I had just to track down your lodgings..." Chu the Second's eyes widened. "You just arrived?" Li Banfeng nodded. "Just arrived." "Then when I was bathing just now, did you see?" "I didn't. To think I missed out on something so wonderful." Li Banfeng sighed heavily and shook his head repeatedly. "When are you bathing next?" "Six months from now." Li Banfeng blinked. "You only bathe once every six months?" Chu the Second nodded earnestly. "Is that too much, or too little?" Li Banfeng blinked again. "Are you out of your mind?" Chu the Second answered in all seriousness, "I'm not crazy. My father took me to the hospital, and the doctors all said I wasn't." "You went to a hospital too? I went to a hospital as well! That's exactly what the doctors told me!" Chu the Second rocked back and forth with laughter. "See? I told you we have fate between us." As she rocked with laughter, Li Banfeng spotted a cord tied around her neck. "Yes, fate indeed!" Li Banfeng roared with laughter and pounced on Chu the Second. Chu the Second gasped in shock. "Even if we have fate, it can't be this fast! Wait a second, not now..." After a bout of scuffling, Li Banfeng yanked the key from her neck. Chu the Second clutched her neck, gasping for breath for a long while. Li Banfeng had struck so harshly he'd nearly strangled her to death. "I knew you didn't come for me!" Chu the Second cried, her eyes red. "You heartless brute, why did you lie to me?" "My heart aches too, and I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself!" Li Banfeng rose, adjusted his fedora, and walked to the doorway. "I'll have no face to see you ever again, so let's never meet again in the future." For a fleeting moment, Li Banfeng genuinely considered killing Chu the Second. Even though she didn't know what the key was used for, Li Banfeng worried she might target it again in the future. Yet at the very instant he thought of making a move, his skill of seeking good fortune and avoiding calamity warned him of grave danger, for reasons unknown. This was Kucaizhuang, the stronghold of Ascetic Cultivators. Killing someone here—and a prominent, well-born Ascetic Cultivator at that—Li Banfeng wasn't certain what kind of fallout it would bring. Li Banfeng walked out. Chu the Second made no move to chase him. Taking a bite of bitter greens, she gave a sinister smile. "Let's see how far you can get!" *** Kucaizhuang was sparsely populated, its land barren and desolate. Li Banfeng walked forward along the dirt road. After covering more than two li, he had seen only a single earthen cottage, even more dilapidated than the one Chu the Second lived in. Aside from that, there was not another structure in sight. It was truly a place devoid of vitality; even Haichiling during its insect plague had been slightly better than Kucaizhuang. He opened his pocket watch to check the time, glanced at the sun's position, and quickly determined his bearings. He was heading south. Li Banfeng's destination was the newland. As long as he reached the newland, he could follow Old Yao's map and return to Lanyang Village. Could heading south lead to the newland, though? "Sister Gourd, have you ever been to Kucaizhuang?" "What would I come to a place like this for? To look for suffering? Go ask Eldest Sister—she's knowledgeable and widely traveled." Go back to the Portable Abode to ask the gramophone? Aside from yellow dirt, this place was wide open, without even a spot to hide the key. What if someone came along and picked up the key again? Besides, asking would be pointless. Li Banfeng had no idea where he currently stood, and there were no landmarks around, so the gramophone wouldn't be able to guide him anyway. Ahead of him walked a figure wrapped snugly in a gray padded cotton jacket, bundled up so tightly that one couldn't tell whether they were a man or a woman. Li Banfeng stepped up to ask for directions. "Excuse me, Unc... sir, could you tell me how to get to the newland?" The person looked up, a scarf wrapped across their face, and countered, "What do you want to go to the newland for?" Hearing the voice of a middle-aged woman, Li Banfeng promptly corrected himself: "Elder Sister, it's my first time in Kucaizhuang and I'm lost. I was hoping to go hunting in the newland." The woman shook her head. "Young man, do you know why you lost your way?" "Probably just... carelessness, I suppose..." With the question put so profoundly, Li Banfeng honestly didn't know how to respond. "It wasn't carelessness. It is because you have not thought it through, because you have not attained enlightenment. You do not understand why you came to this place, just as you do not know where you are meant to go in the future. Do not let desire blind your eyes; do not let comfort shroud your heart; do not let indulgence erode your ambitions; do not let indolence corrupt your character." Li Banfeng stood frozen in place. "I just wanted to ask for directions..." On his person, a magical artifact began trembling, straining with all its might to squeeze out two words: "Shut up!" Look at how enraged the Judge's Brush was—it had actually managed two whole words! How could laziness corrupt one's character? This woman was clearly talking nonsense. The woman let out a sigh. "Young man, since you have arrived, you must calm your heart. Only by settling your mind can you find stillness; only then will you understand where you truly must go, and only then will you realize the purpose of this life." "You make good points, Elder Sister." Li Banfeng nodded and walked away. There was no need to waste words with someone like this; she had completely lost her mind to obsession. "Halt!" The woman refused to let him leave. "Where do you intend to go?" "To where I ought to go," Li Banfeng replied with equal profundity. "Your heart is far too restless." The woman reached out and grabbed Li Banfeng's clothes. "You have no idea where you are headed. Listen to me: stay." Li Banfeng shook her off and adjusted his clothes. "I know where I'm going. No need to trouble yourself." The woman looked somewhat disappointed in him. "You don't wish to stay? After going through so much, have you still not attained enlightenment?" "Whether I've attained enlightenment or not is my own business. You don't need to trouble yourself with that either." Li Banfeng's tone changed; he was growing annoyed. The woman raised her head, looking at Li Banfeng with bloodshot eyes. "Why can't you stay? Why must you leave? If you truly walk away, wouldn't all the hard work you put in before come to nothing? In the end, you still haven't seen through it all. You don't know why you are here, but I do. The very first time I saw you, I knew why you were here." *The first time she saw me? Isn't right now the first time? Why isn't this woman making any logical sense?* Li Banfeng didn't want to get tangled up with her, so he took off running. The woman trailed behind him as if strolling leisurely, calling after him, "Must you leave?" *How is she moving so fast? I'm a tier three journey cultivator, and I can't outrun her? Her cultivation is this high?* Li Banfeng stopped running, knowing he couldn't escape. "Elder Sister, I really did just end up in Kucaizhuang by accident. I don't know a soul or a road here—please just let me go. Once I'm out of Kucaizhuang, I won't forget your kindness. Some other day I'll go buy some nice things in Lüshui City and come back to visit you." The woman froze for a moment. "You're going to Lüshui City? You only want to leave Kucaizhuang?" Li Banfeng asked in surprise, "What else? Where did you think I wanted to leave?" Hearing this, the woman nodded. "Leaving Kucaizhuang isn't out of the question, but it has to be done according to my rules. As long as you can beat me in a fight, I'll let you go." Li Banfeng rubbed his temples, full of exasperation. "Elder Sister, you're joking. We're total strangers; why would I fight you?" The woman stretched her limbs. "I won't use techniques, nor will I use weapons, lest it be said I'm bullying you. We'll simply spar barehanded. As long as you can beat me, not only will I let you leave, but I'll even see you on your way." "Listen to what you're saying," Li Banfeng shook his head and sighed. "I'm a man and you're a woman. How could I raise a hand against a woman?" The woman gave a soft laugh. "Spoken quite like a gentleman..." *Bang!* Li Banfeng landed a punch right in her face. The woman fell silent. With utter solemnity, Li Banfeng said, "Elder Sister, I hit you first. That counts as my win—we had a deal." The woman let out a long sigh. "Very well. I will let you go." Delight washed over Li Banfeng's face. "Then I'll just..." *Thud!* The woman snapped her leg up and delivered a vicious kick to Li Banfeng. The kick was brutal, nearly sending Li Banfeng sprawling to the ground. "Elder Sister, how vicious of you!" "The fact that you were off guard proves you haven't been tempered enough. Once you have been properly tempered, I'll let you go." *** As the sun dipped in the west, Chu the Second was building a fire in the yard to cook when Li Banfeng trudged back, battered and bruised. "Seventh Master, what happened to you?" Chu the Second clapped the dust from her hands. "Didn't you say you were leaving? How come you're back?" Li Banfeng gave a dry laugh. "Ran into an older sister on the road. What a wonderful woman—insisted on keeping me around for a few more days. I told her I couldn't stay, so she said I had to beat her in a fight before I could leave. I fought, didn't win. I said I was done fighting, so she said I hadn't been tempered enough. Then she kept pounding on me, hammering away until just now." Chu the Second smiled faintly. "Seventh Master, you ran into Granny Bitter." "Who is Granny Bitter?" "Granny Bitter is just Granny Bitter. Entering Kucaizhuang is easy; leaving requires Granny Bitter's consent." Li Banfeng stared blankly at Chu the Second. "You can't get out either?" "Can't," Chu the Second shook her head. "I have to wait until Granny Bitter leaves before I can depart Kucaizhuang." "When does she leave?" "She arrives in the second month and leaves in the fifth. She usually stays in Kucaizhuang for three months. By the lunar calendar, that is." "The fifth lunar month?" It wasn't even the third lunar month yet. Didn't that mean he'd have to stay here for over two months? "Just what is this Granny Bitter's background?" "I don't know her background either. In any case, you'd better settle down and stay here with me, or else Granny Bitter will beat you every single time she sees you." *** Dinner was once again bitter greens and cornmeal buns. Chu the Second gazed tenderly at Li Banfeng. "Eat up, Seventh Master. I couldn't bear to eat them myself, so I saved them all for you." Chewing on the bitter greens and cornmeal buns, Li Banfeng felt as though he had returned to his days in the Outer States. Seeing Li Banfeng eat quite a bit, Chu the Second let out a soft sigh. "Back when you and Ma the Fifth fell on hard times, did you suffer like this together?" Li Banfeng shook his head. "After he met me, Ma the Fifth never suffered. He's my brother, and as long as I can find a way, I will never let my brother suffer." Chu the Second snorted coldly. "Enduring a bit of hardship doesn't actually do any harm." "Hardship has plenty of drawbacks. Personally, I can't see a single benefit." "Do you even know how to talk to people? I'm an Ascetic Cultivator, and you're telling me suffering has no benefit?" "Save the suffering for yourself, then! You only have one bed here—where am I supposed to sleep tonight?" Chu the Second said affectionately, "Don't treat me like a stranger. The two of us can just squeeze in together." Li Banfeng gave a cold sneer. "Are you serious?" "Not serious," Chu the Second shook her head. "We can't right now. With Granny Bitter here, we can't sleep together, or else she'll beat me to death along with you." "She even meddles with that?" "She does! Anything that resembles enjoying oneself, she forbids. Not just that, she even controls bathing. While she's in Kucaizhuang, no one in the village is allowed to bathe. Did you really think I bathe once every six months? I only did that to avoid her. Today I was so filthy I couldn't stand it anymore, so I secretly wiped down with some water. If she caught sight of it, she'd beat me half to death!" More than two months... How was he supposed to endure that? No, he had to find a way to escape. Late at night, Li Banfeng slipped out of Chu the Second's house. Relying on his innate talent for seeking good fortune and avoiding calamity, he chose a direction. Head north—north is great fortune! Li Banfeng bolted at full speed for twenty li without encountering Granny Bitter once along the way. Sure enough, the talent of seeking good fortune and avoiding calamity was the most useful of all! In the midst of his celebration, Li Banfeng tripped over a stone and stumbled, and the Judge's Brush fell to the ground. "Why so careless?" Granny Bitter picked up the Judge's Brush for Li Banfeng. "I'll be more careful next time." Li Banfeng took back the Judge's Brush. Granny Bitter shook her head. "It seems to me you still haven't attained enlightenment." Li Banfeng nodded. "Then I'll go back and contemplate some more." "You cannot rely solely on yourself to contemplate; someone needs to help temper you." Li Banfeng held his head in his hands. "Could we maybe switch to someone else doing the tempering?"