Eating for Free

Li Banfeng returned to Chu the Second's dwelling. Seeing that she was still fast asleep, he slipped quietly into the Portable Abode. His wife gasped in shock. "Aiya, Husband, how did you get so badly hurt?" Li Banfeng was indeed severely injured; his entire face was bruised, swollen, and nearly unrecognizable. "Wife, there's something I need to ask you. Do you know Granny Bitter?" "Granny Bitter? Which Granny Bitter?" "Granny Bitter of Kucaizhuang." Li Banfeng had already asked the liquor gourd, the Tang dao, and even the Judge's Brush about this, but not a single magical treasure at his side recognized Granny Bitter. Perhaps some of their memories had faded with their souls, or perhaps they had never known anything about Kucaizhuang in the first place. It seemed only his wife might know. Da-da-da~ Tai! "Granny Bitter of Kucaizhuang!" "Right," Li Banfeng nodded. "Is she the local spirit of Kucaizhuang?" Da-da-da~ Tai! "Aiya, aiya, she is no local spirit." His wife did know Granny Bitter, but her tone was a bit strange. "Aiya, aiya, but if she isn't a local spirit, what else could she be?" Why was his wife turning the question back on him? Following along the tonearm, Li Banfeng tickled his wife's underarm. "Wife, are you all right?" His wife didn't laugh. How was she suddenly not ticklish anymore? Chuff~ Chuff~ Chuff~ Steam puffed out rapidly, gears spun at top speed, and the flames in the oil tank leaped extraordinarily high. Li Banfeng quickly added water to the water tank, afraid she might boil dry. What was wrong with his wife? "Aiya, aiya, if she isn't a local spirit, what could she be? What could she be? Hu-hahahaha~" His wife suddenly burst into wild laughter, and the entire main hall filled with steam. "Wife, what's happened to you?" Li Banfeng grew anxious. "Who are you?" The gramophone's voice flattened into a dead monotone, her operatic cadence turning chillingly cold. Li Banfeng responded, "I am your husband." "Aiya, Husband, you're back from buying groceries?" Her tone softened once again. "Today... I didn't buy any groceries." "Since you bought no groceries, then you are not my husband. My husband never lets me starve. Just who are you?" Li Banfeng was at a loss for an answer when a whirlwind swept in from the outer chamber. The Red Lotus pulled Li Banfeng inside and shut the door tight. A burst of popping and cracking sounds came from outside the door, and Li Banfeng worried something might happen to his wife. Once the noise died down slightly, Li Banfeng stepped out immediately. He found the gramophone unharmed, though the room was stiflingly hot. "Wife?" Li Banfeng called out softly. Chuff~ Chuff~ After puffing several bursts of steam, the gramophone responded, "Aiya, Husband." Thank goodness, she still recognizes me. Li Banfeng let out a small breath of relief. Chuff~ Chuff~ "Husband, are you back from buying groceries?" Li Banfeng didn't know what to say. He caught sight of the Songstress Flower standing by the wall; if worse came to worst, he could feed her to his wife. Yet only her spirituality remained, her soul already consumed. Would his wife even care for her now? While he was in a dilemma, he suddenly heard his wife ask, "Husband, who hurt you like this?" That question again. Did she lose her memory? Had she forgotten everything that just happened? He couldn't just answer off the cuff this time. If I say a ruthless character beat me up and she asks who it was, she might think of Granny Bitter again and go crazy. He had to distract her as much as possible to keep her from connecting things back to Granny Bitter. "It was a few petty thieves. They had numbers on their side, and I was outnumbered, so I took a beating." "What kind of petty thieves?" His wife grew furious. "Are they journey cultivators? If they're journey cultivators, bring them home! I'll kill them! Hahahahaha, kill them all!" Li Banfeng shook his head. "They weren't journey cultivators." "Even if they aren't journey cultivators, bring them home! Anyone who hurts my husband deserves to die, and your servant will slaughter them all! Hu-hahahaha!" She was still not quite normal. Li Banfeng humored her, "Right, we'll slaughter them all. Are you feeling tired, Wife? If you're worn out, rest for a bit." Chuff~ The gramophone let out a yawn. "Come to think of it, I am a bit tired. Husband, go after those thieves later. Allow your servant to rest for a while." Taking advantage of the moment before she fell asleep, Li Banfeng brought out the old teapot and said to his wife, "Now that I'm a Tier 4 Dwelling Cultivator, the seal on this magical treasure ought to be unfastened." "Aiya~ This teapot is of too high a tier. Unsealing it now might prove disadvantageous to my husband." "You're being overly cautious, Wife. Back then, Zhong Desong was only at Tier 2, yet didn't he use it all the time?" "He was an Ascetic Cultivator, capable of withstanding the teapot's torment. Very well, please bring the teapot over, Husband. Your servant shall have a few words with him first." Li Banfeng brought the teapot close to the gramophone. Although he possessed the technique of Perceiving Spiritual Voices, their exchange was far too rapid for him to catch. He only saw the record spinning ceaselessly upon the turntable while frantic beats of gongs and drums burst intermittently from the horn. His wife was intimidating the teapot; the two were likely negotiating the price. After waiting five-odd minutes, his wife exhaled a puff of steam. "The matter is settled. A magical treasure's price must be paid after all. Previously, his price was far too steep—every time he was used, he had to scald his master. Now, his price has changed: he only asks that my husband take a hot bath." Li Banfeng looked at the teapot. "Isn't that the same thing?" "Husband, don't worry. The bathwater won't be too scalding, and he won't harm you." Using a magical treasure and getting a free hot bath out of it—could there really be such a bargain? Li Banfeng deeply suspected the teapot's motives. His wife yawned and murmured, "Husband, your servant is truly exhausted. I'm going to sleep now." With his wife asleep, Li Banfeng carried the teapot to the Fifth Room. The Fifth Room lay at the far end of the Third Room, making it the chamber farthest from the gramophone. The room was completely bare. Having been newly opened not long ago, Li Banfeng hadn't furnished it with any belongings yet. Holding the teapot in his palm, he asked, "Do you know Kucaizhuang?" The teapot answered, "I do. The Ascetic Cultivators of the world all hail from Kucaizhuang." Li Banfeng frowned. "Don't all cultivators in the world originate from the peddler's powder?" "Heh heh, not necessarily. Aside from the peddler, powders have many other sources. Wealthy families keep substantial reserves of powder for Literary and Martial Cultivators, and those certainly weren't bought from the peddler." Ma the Fifth had indeed mentioned that great families stored powders, but if they weren't bought from the peddler, where did they come from? "As for the affairs of wealthy families, this old man knows nothing. But the powder for Ascetic Cultivators all comes from Kucaizhuang. Kucaizhuang has no boundaries; it borders every part of Puluo Province. Anyone who wishes to come can come. If you stay in Kucaizhuang's Free Food Hall for three days and can endure the wretched hardship, Granny Bitter will bestow the powder upon you, and from then on, you have entered the pathway." "She gives the powder to just anyone who shows up? Without accumulating Dao affinity?" "Kucaizhuang is a special place. Staying here for three days counts as having built up enough Dao affinity." "Similar to Santoucha?" "Far from it. Santoucha is a place you must never visit—what gets accumulated there might not be Dao affinity at all. Young lad, you asked about Granny Bitter just now. Could it be that you've already arrived in Kucaizhuang?" Li Banfeng did not deny it. "I'm in Kucaizhuang right now, and I can't leave. Granny Bitter won't let me go, claiming she wants to temper me." "Since she won't let you leave, just stay in the village for a while. This dwelling of ours doesn't even have a calendar, so I have no idea what month it is, but she stays for at most three months a year anyway. Once she leaves, you can leave. Don't quarrel with her, and whatever you do, don't fight her. You're no match for her. A thousand of you—ten thousand of you—still wouldn't be her match." A thousand? Ten thousand? Isn't that an exaggeration? Just what level of figure was she? Could a local spirit keep her in check? "My wife said she isn't Kucaizhuang's local spirit. So who is Kucaizhuang's local spirit?" "Kucaizhuang originally had a local spirit, but not anymore. Besides, don't go comparing local spirits to Granny Bitter. They aren't worthy." Even local spirits aren't worthy? "What level of cultivation does Granny Bitter possess?" The teapot coughed twice. "Young lad, I am your magical treasure. When it comes to charging onto the battlefield, I won't hesitate, but I have my own disposition. I have no desire to be anyone's servant. If you think well of me, we can treat each other as friends across generations—you call me Old Brother, and I'll call you Little Brother. If you look down on me, just call me Old Man, and I won't fall short in performing my duties either. I don't remember much. What I can tell you, I naturally will. But I've forgotten most things about Granny Bitter, so don't ask about what I've forgotten." Though Li Banfeng still didn't trust the teapot, he agreed with the attitude of treating one another as equals. "Old Brother, I won't ask any more about Granny Bitter, but please tell me a bit more about Kucaizhuang. I'll have to stay here for over two months. During this time, what do I need to watch out for?" "You must remember three rules. The first rule is suffering. In Kucaizhuang, you must endure suffering. Don't even think about enjoying yourself here. Don't drink liquor, don't smoke, don't crave fine food, and don't think about bedding women. This dwelling of ours is rather unique, so making merry with your wives inside this house is fine, but once you step outside, you must strictly follow the rules in the village. Outside Kucaizhuang, plenty of pleasures await you; don't ruin major matters over fleeting desires." "What happens if I ruin major matters?" "If memory serves, those who break the rules in Kucaizhuang meet only one of two ends: those Granny Bitter doesn't wish to keep are driven out of the village; those Granny Bitter wants to keep are sent by her to the newland. Little Brother, I don't know much about what you did on the outside, but I reckon you've been to a newland before, and you must know how perilous it is. The newland connected to Kucaizhuang is exceptionally dangerous. If Granny Bitter sends you there, she won't allow you to return to Kucaizhuang, and you'll likely spend the rest of your days there. Weigh which matters more for yourself." Go to the newland! Going to the newland is great! That way I can just walk back to Lanyang Village! As he was pondering this, the teapot spoke again: "The second rule is not to ask about origins. In the village, never ask anyone where they came from; don't even ask for their names. This is an established convention." "What happens if someone breaks this rule?" "Nothing dire, really, except you'll be despised. Everyone who comes to Kucaizhuang is here to suffer; outside identities have nothing to do with matters inside the village. The third rule is no killing. In Kucaizhuang, even Granny Bitter herself never kills. You must never, ever break this rule. The first time I visited Kucaizhuang, two men fought over rations. One died, and the other vanished that very night. No one knew where he went, nor whether he was dead or alive. In Kucaizhuang, whoever kills meets that same end." No wonder Li Banfeng had sensed grave danger when he contemplated killing Chu the Second. This also served as a reminder to Li Banfeng: if he wanted to stir up trouble in Kucaizhuang, he absolutely could not cause any fatalities. Still, this was a good thing—if Li Banfeng stirred up trouble here, Granny Bitter wouldn't kill him. The old teapot continued, "As long as you don't violate these three rules, Granny Bitter generally won't meddle in anything else." Li Banfeng asked the teapot, "Since it's a rare chance to revisit an old haunt, want to go take a look?" "Little Brother, my stance remains the same: if you want to fight in Kucaizhuang, I won't hold back when it's time to strike. But if you aren't fighting, it's best not to bring me into Kucaizhuang. Don't make me set foot in that place ever again." He harbored quite a deep resentment toward Kucaizhuang. Li Banfeng put away the teapot and went to the main hall to sleep. The teapot was somewhat different from the other magical treasures. He seemed to possess something more than the rest. ... The next morning, Li Banfeng emerged from the Portable Abode, pocketed the key, and saw Chu the Second leaning over the top of the courtyard wall, looking in all directions. Stepping up behind her, Li Banfeng barked, "What are you looking at?!" Chu the Second jolted with a shudder and tumbled hard from the top of the wall. "What's wrong with you? Trying to scare me to death?" Li Banfeng demanded, "Sneaking around—what were you doing perched on the wall?" "Looking for you! Who knew where you ran off to all morning? Tomorrow is the day to eat for free. Hurry up and come with me, unless you want to wait for Granny Bitter to come pound you again." Stepping out the door, Li Banfeng asked as they walked, "What do you mean by 'eating for free'?" "It means tomorrow everyone in the village gathers at the Free Food Hall to eat meals for free all day." There's actually something this good? "Still cornmeal buns?" Chu the Second gave a bitter smile. "If only there were cornmeal buns. At the Free Food Hall, you have to eat rice." "Isn't rice better than cornmeal buns?" "You'll see once you get there." "Meals start tomorrow, and we're setting off today? Isn't that too early?" "In the entire Kucaizhuang, there's only one Free Food Hall. My place is considered close; those living farther away have to set out three days in advance." The entire village going to one place to eat—just how big a dining hall must that be? Li Banfeng followed Chu the Second for a day and a night. In truth, the Free Food Hall wasn't that far—only eighty-some li. However, Chu the Second wasn't a journey cultivator, so she couldn't move as fast as Li Banfeng. Moreover, the road was rough and the wind and sand were especially fierce. By the time they reached the Free Food Hall, dawn was breaking. All the people of Kucaizhuang had gathered outside the doors of the Free Food Hall, waiting for the meal to begin. The so-called Free Food Hall wasn't some grand establishment, just a large earthen house that could barely fit seven or eight large tables inside. Could this actually hold everyone in Kucaizhuang? It actually could. Li Banfeng did a rough count; in total, there were only sixty-odd people in front of the Free Food Hall. "There must still be plenty who haven't arrived?" Chu the Second glanced around. "Just about everyone is here." "There are only this few people in Kucaizhuang?" "That's quite a lot. There aren't many Ascetic Cultivators to begin with, and even fewer are willing to return to Kucaizhuang to cultivate. Anyone with even a bit of attainment—who would come here for no good reason?" At seven in the morning, the Free Food Hall began serving. An uncle dishing out the food scooped a bowl of rice for each person, and the side dish was still Kucaizhuang's bitter greens. Li Banfeng took a mouthful of the white rice, crunched twice with a kach-kach, and carefully evaluated the ratio of sand to rice. Fifty percent sand, fifty percent rice? No, it felt like there was even more sand. Li Banfeng wanted to spit it out, but Chu the Second hastily stopped him. "You can't spit it out! If you spit it out, you'll get beaten!" Li Banfeng swallowed the rice down, then set his bowl on the ground. "I'm full." Chu the Second shook her head. "You can't leave leftovers! If you leave leftovers, you'll get beaten too!" The uncle serving the food was looking over their way, a distinct glare of anger in his eyes. Li Banfeng kept his bowl on the ground regardless. Chu the Second panicked. "Don't stir up trouble! The server is coming over!" "He's the one who wants to beat me, right?" Li Banfeng stood up. "Fine by me. I'll fight him!" It wasn't that he couldn't endure hardship; he simply couldn't stomach being insulted like this. It's perfectly good rice—why the hell mix sand into it? A massive pile of grain was stacked in the open ground behind the Free Food Hall. Kucaizhuang had so few people, and there was clearly enough food to go around. Why torment people like this? The food-serving uncle strode angrily toward them, took two steps, and then angrily backed away. Li Banfeng was already poised to fight, wondering why the server hadn't come over. Chu the Second buried her head, shoveling rice into her mouth, not daring to utter a peep. It felt as though someone had appeared beside him. Li Banfeng glanced back and saw Granny Bitter standing right behind him. Inside the Free Food Hall, everyone lowered their heads, not daring to move a muscle. They knew who had arrived, and they knew Li Banfeng was in for trouble. Granny Bitter looked at Li Banfeng and said in a calm tone, "Refusing to eat when there is food—it seems you still haven't been tempered enough." Looks like I'm getting pounded again. Yet even if he was pounded, Li Banfeng would not eat this bowl of rice. Mixing sand into perfectly good rice was nothing more than an intentional insult! Seeing how stubborn Li Banfeng was, Granny Bitter didn't pound him. She retrieved a stalk of bitter greens from her coat pocket. "In the end, you're still someone who cannot endure hardship. If you won't eat rice, eat a stalk of greens." Crouching on the ground, Chu the Second tugged at the cuff of Li Banfeng's trousers. Seventh Master, I beg you, just eat it. Please stop courting death.