City of Fools

The number one pathway under heaven? Scare someone to death, why don't you! Why on earth weren't Dwelling Cultivators or Journey Cultivators the number one pathway? Li Banfeng refused to accept this. "My wife, what techniques does this pathway possess?" "Oh, my husband, you've really stumped your humble servant with that question. I have no idea what techniques Fool Cultivators use. I have never seen a Fool Cultivator before. This pathway went extinct long ago, and for many years not a single practitioner has walked the world. I only know that this pathway was exceedingly formidable. They were extraordinarily shrewd, their methods were bizarre and treacherous, and within the same tier, they had no equals." No equals? Except for Gold Cultivators, all the pathways of this world were interconnected by mutual generation and mutual restraint—that was what the peddler had told him. "Is there truly no pathway that counters Fool Cultivators?" The gramophone replied, "Legend has it that under heaven, only a single pathway can counter Fool Cultivators, yet that pathway lacks the power to do battle with them." "Wait," Li Banfeng said, frowning. "I don't follow. Which pathway can counter Fool Cultivators? And why are they powerless to fight them?" "Your humble servant does not know which pathway it is, nor the reason why they cannot do battle. By my estimation, it may be because that pathway has too few people, or perhaps their hearts are not united." "Are Fool Cultivators united?" "Not particularly, but they could still join forces in battle. Together, they established the City of Fools in Puluo Province. Because Fool Cultivators were so terrifyingly powerful, whenever anyone in Puluo Province heard the name of the City of Fools, their courage would fail them." "If they were so powerful, how did they go extinct?" "No one can say for sure. Some say they constantly made fools of and toyed with one another, leading to internal strife that destroyed them. Others say a tall tree catches the wind, and the Fool Cultivators were besieged by the other pathways until they were completely wiped out. Theories abound, and it is hard to tell truth from falsehood. But your humble servant remembers only one thing: back when I was cultivating, a senior warned me that the City of Fools still remained in the oldland. Though there are no living cultivators left, there are still spirits of the deceased. Even as spirits, Fool Cultivators remain terrifyingly formidable. That senior strictly forbade me from ever coming to the City of Fools. Husband, how did you end up here?" Li Banfeng rubbed his temples, his thoughts in utter disarray. *How did I come to the City of Fools? What did I come to this place for?* "Wife, are the techniques of a Fool Cultivator just about deceiving people?" *Hiss, hiss—* "Husband, when I first heard seniors speak of Fool Cultivators, your humble servant thought the same back then. I thought they ought to be called Deceiver Cultivators. But an elder who had actually seen Fool Cultivators once admonished me: folly is folly, and deceit is deceit. The essence of a Fool Cultivator lies in folly, not in deceit." What did that elder do for a living? Why speak in such convoluted circles? Li Banfeng pondered for a moment, and an inkling began to dawn on him. Folly is folly, and deceit is deceit. The tricks these people used weren't necessarily all that clever. It was that his own intelligence had dropped. He had been turned "foolish" by them! *That* was the true terror of a Fool Cultivator. "No wonder I've been swindled ever since I entered the city! Even a street peddler selling medicated plasters managed to cheat a silver dollar out of me!" Li Banfeng rose immediately, eager to leave the City of Fools. The gramophone called after him, "Husband, why don't you wait a little before leaving? Seeing how your thoughts are still somewhat scrambled, you might have fallen under a Fool Cultivator's technique." Li Banfeng turned back to look at the gramophone. "Wife, do you have a way to dispel the techniques of a Fool Cultivator?" "Well..." The gramophone had no answer. She had never even seen a Fool Cultivator, so how could she dispel their techniques? "Husband, rest a bit longer in the dwelling before heading out." That was the only advice she could offer. A Dwelling Cultivator's ability to recover inside their dwelling was something no other pathway could match. Yet Li Banfeng had another concern. "Wife, I feel my head getting more and more muddled. Having been hit by a Fool Cultivator's technique, if I drag this out, won't the poison sink in even deeper?" "Well..." The gramophone couldn't explain. Li Banfeng asked again, "Since the City of Fools is the domain of Fool Cultivators, if I stay in this city for too long, will I be affected and grow more and more foolish?" "Well..." His wife still could not answer. "I'd better leave as early as possible!" Li Banfeng turned to leave again, without even bringing his magical treasures. His wife called out, "Husband, take your magical treasures with you! Little sister Gourd, if someone tries to swindle our man again, you must warn him!" The liquor gourd replied, "When that fellow was selling plasters, I never imagined our little brother would actually fall for it. Once he bought the plaster, I figured that tiny bit of money wasn't worth fretting over anyway." The gramophone's heart tightened. Had the gourd fallen under the technique as well? The gramophone continued, "Hanxue, you can deal with deceased spirits, so go with my husband. Qiansi, you're always by his ear, so give him a timely reminder now and then. Old Teapot, you've woken up as well. You're experienced and worldly, so go along too. Erdao, stay close to your master to protect him. No need to bring the Judge's Brush, that useless thing. Take the calendar poster along; that hussy is quite clever." Li Banfeng gathered up the magical treasures and tucked the calendar poster under his arm, walking toward the doorway. After a moment's thought, Li Banfeng put the calendar poster back. "I'm fleeing for my life. Walking down the street with a calendar poster tucked under my arm would stick out like a sore thumb." After Li Banfeng departed, his wife remained uneasy. "Husband isn't quite right today." From the side, Red Lotus spoke up. "Let me go out and take a look. I've encountered Fool Cultivators before; perhaps I can be of help." "Let you go out?" The gramophone gave it serious thought. "Wait a little longer." "Wait until when? Wait until that madman loses his life?" The gramophone blasted a plume of steam, scalding Red Lotus until she turned bright red. "Little sister, don't utter such ill-omened words. Be patient and wait a while longer. In your next life, maybe I'll let you out." "Wicked shrew!" Red Lotus spat at the gramophone, and the gramophone continued scorching her with steam. After a bout of bickering and scuffling, Red Lotus fell silent. The gramophone looked at the calendar poster and said, "Husband should have brought Mengde. Both Virtue Cultivators and Dream Cultivators can stir the mind, so he would definitely be useful against Fool Cultivators." Mengde agreed. "Madam speaks the truth. I am indeed useful." The Judge's Brush let out a cold sneer. "Too much." The wife was startled and asked the Judge's Brush, "What did you just say was too much?" "Hmph..." The Judge's Brush couldn't be bothered to repeat itself. *** Returning to his room at the inn, Li Banfeng found that the place had been thoroughly ransacked. This establishment was not normal; it was very likely a crooked inn. *Why did I check into a crooked inn to begin with?* The innkeeper hadn't found him, so he must assume he had fled. *Should I turn their trick to my advantage and just slip away? Or catch them off guard and launch a surprise counterattack?* If this were the past, Li Banfeng's first instinct would unquestionably have been revenge. Even though the inn was full of spirits, with the clock pendulum around, Li Banfeng truly didn't fear them. Yet here in the City of Fools, could he gain any upper hand fighting against Fool Cultivators? Besides, there might be other people in this inn. If he ended up surrounded, how would he escape? The more he thought about it, the more his head throbbed. Forget it. Settle this grudge later; getting out was the top priority. Li Banfeng leaped out through the window into an alley, then started walking toward the city gates. After walking for a short while, Li Banfeng began pondering an important question. *Should I turn left or turn right? Where is the city gate?* Hadn't he walked here from the city gate? He remembered the route from the city gate to the inn's front entrance. Yet now he had jumped out through a guest room window into an alley rather than the main street, and he couldn't quite figure out which way led to the city gate. Just because he had left by a different exit, he had lost his sense of direction? A journey cultivator losing their sense of direction? Li Banfeng kept rubbing his skull, growing more agitated with every step. The liquor gourd offered a gentle reminder: "Little brother, don't panic. Let's check the wind direction first, then figure out which way to go." *Wind direction?* Li Banfeng couldn't remember which way the wind was blowing when he entered the city. The earring chimed in, "Master, why don't we head back to the inn's front entrance and retrace our steps?" The clock pendulum scolded the earring, "You dimwit! Heading back to the inn's entrance is just asking to be spotted by the innkeeper! How is that any different from walking straight into a trap?" The earring snapped back, "Then what brilliant idea do you have?" Li Banfeng couldn't be bothered to listen to their bickering. These magical treasures were clearly being affected by the City of Fools as well; their intellects had all plummeted. At a critical juncture, faced with a critical problem, he had to rely on his own judgment. Stuck in a narrow alley with his view obstructed, of course he couldn't find the way out of the city. If he found a spot with an open view, wouldn't he be able to find the road? Not far off stood a bell tower. Li Banfeng navigated the alley, dashed down the main street to the base of the tower, and climbed all the way to the top. The view here was truly wide and open! This bell tower had to be the tallest structure in the entire City of Fools, didn't it? Li Banfeng gazed into the distance and quickly spotted the city gates. And not just one—he found the positions of the gates on all four sides! He was thrilled. He was overjoyed. A dozen or so people from Youlai Inn burst outside, ready to join Li Banfeng in his celebration. "Look! He's atop the bell tower!" "Quick! Don't let him get away!" "Pin him down and hack him to pieces!" The crowd surged toward the bell tower, and Li Banfeng turned on his heel to flee. "How did they spot me? How did they know I was here?" After sprinting a few steps, Li Banfeng furrowed his brows, realizing the problem. He was the only living human in the entire city; all the rest were ghosts. And as the only living soul, he had gone and perched on the highest point in town. *What the hell was I thinking? Why did I climb up so high?* It would have been hard for the inn's mob *not* to find him. Sprinting wildly through the city, Li Banfeng exerted every ounce of energy before finally giving his pursuers the slip. As he caught his breath, another voice sounded by his ear: "Young man, I offered you good advice, but you just wouldn't listen. Do you still intend to leave the city?" Li Banfeng looked back. It was that fortune teller from the Gold-Picking Gate again—the one Li Banfeng had paid a hundred silver dollars earlier. "How did you find me?" "The ominous aura is all over you. I could spot it from miles away." "How did you know I wanted to leave the city?" The fortune teller smiled. "Your fate is written right across your face; how could it escape my eyes? Young man, you must under no circumstances leave the city. A disaster of blood and steel looms right before you." Li Banfeng strode away without wasting a single word on the fortune teller. Staying in this city was the real disaster. His brains were becoming increasingly inadequate; if he stayed any longer, someone could swing a cleaver at his neck and he wouldn't even know to dodge. As he navigated the alleys, Li Banfeng kept chanting a silent mantra: *Ahead is the main street. It must be the main street...* Yet what lay ahead after one alley was just another alley. Li Banfeng was lost again. What was he supposed to do now? Ask someone for directions? Was there anyone here who would actually tell the truth? Seeing Li Banfeng growing irritable, the teapot offered advice: "Little brother, go home and rest for a bit. Get some sleep first. You're a Dwelling Cultivator; once you catch your breath, you'll be fine." The old teapot's suggestion was much like everyone else's—hardly of any practical value. Yet currently, retreating to his Portable Abode was the only option Li Banfeng had left. His head pounded fiercely, though whether from exhaustion or anger, he couldn't tell. He felt his thoughts growing more and more tangled, to the point where pondering even a trivial matter demanded an immense amount of mental energy. Back inside the Portable Abode, Li Banfeng collapsed face-first onto the bed and fell fast asleep. The gramophone inquired about what had happened, but the clutter of magical treasures babbled back and forth without managing to explain anything clearly. The gramophone grew somewhat flustered as well. "What has come over everyone? Have you all turned stupid?" Fear crept into her heart. She worried that Li Banfeng might never find his way out again. "My precious husband, sleep. Once you wake up and your mind clears, everything will be well." "Hmph!" The Judge's Brush let out a cold snort and drifted off to sleep first.