Bei Wushuang

In the past, Lord Mountain-Uprooter had lost to Bei Wushuang, ceding ten li of territory in the southeast. Li Banfeng knew that Bei Wushuang's territory was supposed to be in the southeast, but he had never expected to run into him the moment he crossed into his lands. *Did he come looking for me?* Judging by that traveling merchant's attitude just now, he had definitely harbored murderous intent toward him. If it came down to a head-on clash, Li Banfeng stood no chance of winning, but if he only wanted to flee, there might still be an opportunity. If all else failed, he could duck into the Portable Abode. Ideally, he could lure the camel inside with him; if not, he could still hide from him temporarily. The crucial problem was that he didn't know Bei Wushuang's pathway, or whether he would even have the chance to pull out his key. This fight was too unfavorable; it was best not to clash with him at all. This was the other party's territory, and he had come prepared, while Li Banfeng knew far too little about Bei Wushuang. If he hadn't seen it with his own eyes, he wouldn't even have known the fellow was a camel. As tough as the situation was, Li Banfeng remained very calm—a composure that, if anything, made Bei Wushuang somewhat uneasy. The camel was straightforward enough, laying his cards on the table directly with Li Banfeng: "You came from Meng Yuchun's turf. Someone told me you're her lover." No need to guess—Axia had told him this. What Axia probably didn't realize was that only she and Xiaofeng had ever heard the claim that Li Banfeng was Meng Yuchun's lover. The camel continued, "Meng Yuchun's lover suddenly showing up on my turf makes me very uncomfortable. Going by my usual temper, no matter what you came here to do, I ought to kill you to eliminate any future trouble. But looking at things now, killing you doesn't seem so easy. I once saw a journey cultivator of the ninth tier, and his Viewing Flowers on a Galloping Horse wasn't as vicious as yours. I can't tell the true depth of your cultivation, so I'm not keen on tangling with you. I'll ask you a few things. If you're willing to speak the truth, we'll let this matter drop today." Li Banfeng nodded. "Let's hear them." "First question: do you come from Haichiling?" Li Banfeng shook his head. Bei Wushuang said, "Old Pan from Haichiling is a friend of mine. If you're well-acquainted with Old Pan, we can turn the page right here and now." *Was he familiar with Pan Dehai?* *Was this guy really Pan Dehai's friend?* In a situation like this, it was best not to fabricate ties recklessly. Li Banfeng shook his head. "I know Pan Dehai, but we aren't close." Calling Pan Dehai by his full name made Bei Wushuang even more cautious. "Another question: what did you come to my territory to do?" Li Banfeng answered honestly, "To find Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil." "What do you want Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil for?" Li Banfeng fabricated a lie with utter seriousness: "For Meng Yuchun." Bei Wushuang stuck his tongue out at Li Banfeng, seemingly smiling at him. "So young, and you already can't hold up down there?" This camel had a habit of sticking his tongue out at people; it was hard to tell whether it was mockery or just a habit of his species. Li Banfeng gave a slight smile as well. "Whether I'm young or not is hard to say, but everyone has moments when they can't hold up." Bei Wushuang asked again, "How did you know I have Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil here?" "I found out by asking a Three Joys Bug." This sentence was the truth. "You can understand the speech of Three Joys Bugs?" Bei Wushuang looked deeply skeptical, because not even he could understand them. "I wouldn't claim to understand every word, but I could vaguely make out a sentence or two, so I followed that Three Joys Bug here," Li Banfeng said, pointing into the distance. "You saw that bug just now as well—it was scared off by you two." Everything said so far was entirely airtight in logic. Bei Wushuang nodded his camel head. "I believe you. I'll take you to find the Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil. You can take as much as you can carry." Li Banfeng thanked him and followed Bei Wushuang deeper into his territory. After traveling over twenty li, a cavern appeared ahead. The camel led Li Banfeng inside. Winding this way and that through over a dozen forks, they arrived near a subterranean pit. Bei Wushuang snorted. "The Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil is right down there. Go get it yourself." Li Banfeng looked at the pit, then back at the camel. Bei Wushuang stuck his tongue out at Li Banfeng. "What? Don't dare? You're a journey cultivator with methods for seeking good fortune and avoiding calamity. If I wanted to harm you, wouldn't you be able to tell?" Li Banfeng truly hadn't sensed any malice, but Bei Wushuang's tier was far higher than his, so it was only natural that he might not perceive it. Yet if Li Banfeng refused to go down now, it would very likely expose the fact that his cultivation was vastly inferior to Bei Wushuang's, and might even make Bei Wushuang suspect his motives. If he went down now, the worst that could happen was falling into a trap of Bei Wushuang's. Li Banfeng could always duck into the Portable Abode and use it to escape Bei Wushuang's territory; as for how to retrieve the key, he could consult the wife when the time came. After weighing his options, Li Banfeng climbed down into the pit. It wasn't deep, only three to five meters. Li Banfeng took a sack from his waist, shoveled half a bagful of dirt, and turned back to the entrance of the cave. Bei Wushuang glanced at the bag in Li Banfeng's hand and asked, "Is that enough? If not, you can take more." Li Banfeng shook his head. "Thank you for the kindness, but it's plenty." If it was meant for building a station, this little bit of soil was nowhere near enough. But if used as medicine, according to his wife's description, this amount was indeed sufficient. The reason Li Banfeng took only this much was precisely to avoid arousing Bei Wushuang's suspicion. And as for the soil needed to build the platform, Li Banfeng didn't need to gather that himself—he already had experience with that back at the oil lake. Li Banfeng thanked Bei Wushuang once more. The matter should have ended there, but unexpectedly, Bei Wushuang made another request: "At this hour, Meng Yuchun is probably waiting for you to come back to bed. Since you've obtained the Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil, why not swallow a pill right now? Once you get back and the medicine kicks in, you can put on quite a show of prowess before Meng Yuchun." Holding the half-filled sack of dirt, Li Banfeng asked, "Just eat it like this?" "How else would you eat it? Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil is a medicinal ingredient meant to be ingested directly. Were you planning to take it back and brew soup? Or does this stuff have some other use to you?" Bei Wushuang was truly suspicious to the extreme. Li Banfeng smiled. "All right, I'll eat it right here." He pinched a clump of soil, rolled it into a ball, and swallowed it down. Bei Wushuang gave another snort. "If you run short of joyous soil in the future, come to my place for more, but you'd better give me advance notice. We'll consider today's business settled. Until we meet again—I won't see you out." Li Banfeng cupped his hands, shouldered the half-sack of soil, and departed Bei Wushuang's territory. He had killed Bei Wushuang's subordinate right in front of him and had assumed a fierce battle was inevitable, yet the matter had somehow blown over like this. Not far after crossing back over the boundary, Meng Yuchun came out to meet him. "Li Seven, I've been looking everywhere for you! The chef dug up some news—Axia might be in league with Bei Wushuang." Li Banfeng looked tense. "So that's how it is." "He also uncovered something else: Bei Wushuang might have a conflict with Pan Dehai, the local spirit of Haichiling. The two of them might go to war." Li Banfeng's breathing turned ragged. "There's actually such a thing?" Meng Yuchun sighed. "I didn't expect this either. Let's head over to my place first and discuss what to do." "I won't go to your place for now. I have urgent business." Li Banfeng quickened his pace and shook off Meng Yuchun. His intuition told him that right now, going to Meng Yuchun's residence was the last thing he should do. After finding a suitable spot to conceal the key, Li Banfeng hurried back into the Portable Abode. Something was wrong with his condition. Shortness of breath, racing heartbeat, waves of numbness tingling through his body—it was as if he had been poisoned. What on earth had he just eaten? No matter; once back inside the house, he could neutralize the poison. The moment he entered, his wife said joyfully, "Husband, it's done! We have enough Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil!" "Enough?" Li Banfeng opened Room Three. Last time, the oil stolen from Lian Buda had been stored in Room Three. When the door opened, Room Three was piled full to the ceiling with soil. The glove chimed in admiringly from the side: "When it comes to quick hands, nobody beats the old master of our house. Even I have to admit defeat." "Cease your nonsense!" The Portable Abode shuddered and bellowed sternly. "This old man is nothing like you!" When it encountered something it liked, the Portable Abode's hands were truly fast. Not only was Room Three filled to the brim, but Rooms Six, Seven, and Eight were completely packed as well, and the Red Lotus had been shoved into Room Five. Looking at the quality of the soil, it was identical to what was in Li Banfeng's bag. Bei Wushuang hadn't lied; what Li Banfeng had eaten was indeed Heavenly Spring Joyous Soil. He felt surges of feverish heat washing over him and his head spinning with dizziness. Collapsing onto the bed, he gasped for breath. The wife touched Li Banfeng's forehead and gasped in alarm, "Husband, how did you get so burning hot?" Li Banfeng said, "I ate joyous soil." "What did you eat that for?" "I ran into Bei Wushuang. I couldn't get away without eating it." "How much did you eat?" Li Banfeng gestured the size of the pill. The gramophone sucked back a plume of steam in shock. "Husband, dear, go to sleep first. Just sleep, now." Caressed by the gentle steam, Li Banfeng slowly drifted off. Yet the gramophone knew he wouldn't sleep for long. The dose in that pill was far too massive—disaster was about to strike. Not only was disaster looming for Li Banfeng, but catastrophe was bound to hit her as well. If she let Li Banfeng have his way with her tonight, she would completely fall apart before morning. "Yingying," the gramophone called out affectionately, "go fetch some water for Husband. He's burning up terribly." The water was kept in Room Two. Accustomed to being ordered around, Hong Ying set down her eyebrow pencil and lipstick and went to Room Two with a bucket to draw water. Propelling herself off the floor with steam, the gramophone glided soundlessly behind Hong Ying. Sensing danger, Hong Ying whipped her head around, but it was already too late. She hadn't expected the gramophone to launch a sneak attack. Two phonograph needles jabbed into her flesh, vibrating as steam was pumped into her body. Hong Ying was rendered immobile. "Vicious hag, what are you doing?" The gramophone didn't answer. Folding Hong Ying's body over—knees and palms down, head forward, rear behind—she stuffed her into a wooden cabinet. She disassembled three horns from other gramophones and mounted them onto the wooden cabinet, adjusting their dimensions slightly. Then she fetched some lacquer and touched up the cabinet. Just like that, a fake gramophone that looked ninety percent like her was complete. "Yingying, you're a proper young lady with both a front door and a back entrance. Today I'm doing you a favor." "Doing me what favor?!" Two streams of steam were injected into Hong Ying's body, rendering her unable to speak. Although the gramophone had benefited from a surprise attack, Hong Ying had never imagined the gramophone's strength had already recovered to such an extent. With everything in place, the gramophone moved the "fake gramophone" into the main room and quietly slipped into Room Two to hide. Before long, Li Banfeng opened his eyes. His face was flushed crimson as he looked toward the "gramophone" beside the bed. Inside the wooden cabinet, Hong Ying heard movement, but her body couldn't budge. *What does this madman want to do?* *What is he doing behind me?* *Why did he open the cabinet?* *What is this smell?* *Machine oil?* *Slick and greasy... is this machine oil?* *Why is he smearing machine oil here?* *There's only one front door and one back entrance—could he still get the wrong place?* *He... he... he really got the wrong place!* *Getting oiled like this is pure agony!* Hong Ying trembled all over in pain, yet couldn't cry out. In Room Two, the gramophone sighed inwardly. *Hong Ying, you little vixen, you're getting off easy this time. To say I'm not jealous would be a lie, but Husband took so much joyous soil that I definitely couldn't hold up. You have doors and entrances, so you bear the brunt first...* Suddenly, all movement ceased in the main room. The gramophone heard Li Banfeng muttering to himself, "The taste isn't right." A shudder ran through the gramophone. Suddenly, she saw Li Banfeng throw open the door to Room Two. "Wife, I knew that one wasn't you!" Clutching the oil can, Li Banfeng walked over with a ravenous, ferocious expression. The gramophone tried to flee, only to be seized in an embrace from behind by Li Banfeng. Amidst the clatter of gongs and drums, a shrill, operatic wail rang out: "Husband! Settle! Just make do with her for now! Husband, dear! Husband—!" PS: Banfeng once said: When getting into bed, you must know your wife; when getting out of bed, you must know your shoes. Such is the basic standard of a Dwelling Cultivator.