Li Banfeng said that he would help Qiu Luoye pass all three hurdles tonight.
The wife hurriedly tried to dissuade him. "Husband, you must not. I fear he is prepared for neither the first hurdle nor the third."
"Then we'll prepare for them together." Li Banfeng leaned over the gramophone's left horn and spoke at length in a low voice.
The gramophone gave a shiver and said softly, "Precious Husband, don't speak so fast. This servant's ear is terribly ticklish."
Li Banfeng slowed his speech, but that only made it tickle more, setting the gramophone giggling non-stop.
"Husband, how did you ever come up with such an idea?"
"Ever since I learned the Technique of Flesh Laying, I've been turning it over. I've thought about it for days, but I just don't know whether it will actually work."
The wife pondered for a moment. "In principle, it makes sense. But this covenant deed has already caught the eye of the Inner States. If they detect any anomaly, I fear they will resort to other methods. If Husband puts himself in harm's way, this servant will never allow it."
Li Banfeng had considered this as well. "I can find someone who doesn't fear the methods of the Inner States."
"This servant does not believe it. Where in the world is there anyone who does not fear death? Where could you find such a person? If he is not entirely willing and was merely duped here by Husband, only to back out at the critical moment, Husband will have regrets beyond measure."
"This person will definitely not back out! The only worry is whether he can form an affinity with the covenant deed." Li Banfeng pressed against the horn and told the wife who it was.
Hearing this, the wife chuckled. "Only Husband could have thought of such a thing. Coming from the same lineage, an affinity should be possible. I only wonder if that moniker will work."
Li Banfeng was full of confidence. "It works even better than Li Furong."
The gramophone was still somewhat worried. "If Qiu Luoye identifies with it too deeply, I fear complications might arise."
Li Banfeng replied, "Rest assured on that. He won't acknowledge it himself, but it definitely works!"
The gramophone wrapped Li Banfeng in steam and said, "Since Husband possesses such a brilliant scheme, we husband and wife shall see this matter through tonight."
Li Banfeng patted the back cabinet door of the gramophone. "How about we see things through right now?"
Whoosh—
A puff of steam shoved Li Banfeng back. "With momentous matters at hand, you still have no sense of decorum! Husband, we must calculate the hours precisely. This servant has thought it over roughly—the window is exceedingly tight. If any step along the way slows down, variables will arise."
Timing was indeed the crucial factor. Li Banfeng summoned Mengde, fixing each checkpoint with crystal clarity, and then had Mengde assume the form of a pocket watch, which he wore on his person.
The wife instructed, "Once the covenant deed is unearthed, have Qiu Luoye soak in hot water. His flesh and skin will slough off faster, and he won't feel the pain, sparing the first hurdle from dragging out too long."
Soaking in hot water, waiting for all one's own flesh and skin to dissolve away...
That probably wouldn't work. Watching one's own flesh and blood fall apart, how could any person not be terrified?
The wife added another instruction: "The moment the soul leaves the flesh and blood, it can see nothing at all. That is our best chance to act, so the faster the flesh sloughs off, the better!"
He wouldn't be able to see!
That made things significantly easier.
Leaving the Portable Abode, Li Banfeng asked Ma the Fifth to prepare a large tub for Qiu Luoye, one big enough to hold two of him.
Such a tub proved difficult to find. At his wits' end, Ma the Fifth rented out an entire bathhouse. "This is the only suitable place I could find."
Li Banfeng inspected the bathhouse's layout. "This place will do, though it's a bit far from the mountain."
Ma the Fifth sighed. "Then I'll go look again."
"No need. This is the place." Tricking Qiu Luoye into taking a bath at a bathhouse was far better than asking him to soak in a wooden tub.
Li Banfeng walked around the bathhouse and scooped up some grime from the pool.
This grime was the dead skin scrubbed from people's bodies.
Ma the Fifth quickly explained, "I just booked the hall, and the water hasn't been changed yet. Someone will be over shortly to clean it up."
Li Banfeng stared at the grime and smiled. "This is great stuff! Earlier, I was thinking of using lime, but this is far better."
Ma the Fifth looked at the grime in Li Banfeng's hand and asked tentatively, "Old Seven, you aren't joking, are you? You call this stuff good?"
"Good! Exceptionally good! Brother, go fetch me a whole sack of it!"
"A whole sack?" Ma the Fifth was stunned for a long while. "Where on earth am I supposed to get that much?"
"From the bathhouses! If that's still not enough, call all our brothers over, and anyone who hasn't bathed can get scrubbed down together!"
Helpless, Ma the Fifth summoned Chuanzi and told him to take some men to gather the grime.
What was this stuff even for?
Chuanzi didn't understand, but dared not ask too many questions. He led his men across every bathhouse in town, yet only managed to scrape together half a sack.
With no other way to fill the rest, they did exactly as Li the Seventh had suggested: rounded up a bunch of unwashed fellows and scrubbed them down on the spot.
Gathering enough bath grime was only the beginning. Ma the Fifth also had Chuanzi lead the men to set up checkpoints between Qiu Luoye's territory and Wuqin Township, barring all passage after eight o'clock tonight.
Li Banfeng made a trip to the market and bought up every spinning top, slingshot, bamboo copter, glass marble, and shuttlecock he could find, delivering them all into the Portable Abode.
Buying these toys was meant to please the Portable Abode so the Technique of Live and Work in Peace could take effect.
"Old Master, I'm taking on a major endeavor today. I need good fortune on my side."
The Portable Abode huffed, "You think you can earn luck with just this? Where is your sincerity?"
"There is sincerity!"
Li Banfeng spent the entire afternoon whipping tops with the old master, and the Portable Abode was thoroughly pleased.
Come nightfall, Li Banfeng and Ma the Fifth brought Qiu Luoye to the bathhouse.
Qiu Luoye was not at all used to the place. "This floor is too slippery, slicker than river stones. Back when my cultivation was still at the ground-crust stage, I hated coming to bathhouses. How great it was to bathe in the river!"
Li Banfeng chuckled. "Eldest Brother, let's soak in the bath and drink our fill first. After that comes the serious business. We discussed it before—we need to dig up your covenant deed, and tonight is when we make our move. Eldest Brother, if you're having second thoughts, it's not too late to turn back."
Qiu Luoye smiled. "Brother, that's an unnecessary question. Once something's decided, when has your eldest brother ever wavered?"
"Good!" Ma the Fifth ordered wine and dishes brought in, and the three began eating and drinking.
Qiu Luoye was a brave fellow, but now that the moment had arrived, claiming he wasn't nervous at all would be a lie.
While drinking and eating, Qiu Luoye was not keen on speaking. Once they were largely finished, Qiu Luoye soaked himself in the pool and downed more than a dozen jars of wine in succession. The surge of alcohol rushed upward, matching the steam rising from the bath.
Li Banfeng said to Qiu Luoye, "Eldest Brother, I need a little of your blood."
"Take it!" Qiu Luoye slit his palm, squeezing out fresh blood, which Li Banfeng caught in a small vial.
Once the blood was collected, Li Banfeng said to Qiu Luoye, "In a bit, I'm heading out to dig up the covenant deed. We're playing for keeps now!"
"Bring it on!" Qiu Luoye hoisted a jar of wine and gulped it down in a single breath.
One could tell he was still somewhat flustered.
Ma the Fifth quickly told his men to bring more wine.
Li Banfeng had Ma the Fifth keep Qiu Luoye company drinking, and specifically instructed that in two hours, the bath scrubber would arrive.
Ma the Fifth checked his pocket watch, nodded, and commanded his subordinates, "Clean up the scrub room. Don't let me see a single speck of grime!"
His men took the cue, hurriedly staging the prepared sack of bath grime inside the scrub room.
Li Banfeng left the bathhouse and first found a quiet spot. He sprinkled half the blood from the vial over muskmelon seeds, keeping the other half sealed in the vial.
It took nearly two hours for two muskmelon Qiu Luoyes to grow.
Muskmelon people took far longer to form than cabbage people, but they were also far more refined. Li Banfeng led the two muskmelon Qiu Luoyes into the Portable Abode, had the clock pendulum dress up one of them, and had the gramophone infuse both muskmelon figures with steam to ensure they could manage simple responses.
Li Banfeng left one muskmelon Qiu Luoye in the Portable Abode for his wife to use.
He brought the other into the bathhouse and cleared his throat.
Ma the Fifth heard the signal. Everything on his end was ready, so he promptly said to Qiu Luoye, "Brother Qiu, let's go get scrubbed!"
Qiu Luoye waved his hand. "No scrubbing. Even when I was young, I hated body scrubs. Those scrubbers never had enough strength in their hands, leaving me feeling uncomfortable all over."
Ma the Fifth said, "This master has plenty of strength in his hands. Let's go take a look first."
The two entered the scrub room, where the bathhouse scrubber stood waiting with a beaming smile.
Qiu Luoye eyed the scrubber for a moment. Seeing that the man was tall and burly, with thick brows and large eyes, Qiu Luoye couldn't help admiring, "This fellow is quite handsome!"
This was the muskmelon Qiu Luoye, disguised with makeup by Hanxue.
Qiu Luoye lay down on the table, and the muskmelon Qiu Luoye took up a towel to scrub him down.
With just the first stroke, Qiu Luoye nodded repeatedly. "Now that's strength—feels fantastic!"
While Qiu Luoye was getting scrubbed, Li Banfeng sprinted up the mountain like the wind.
Tiger was waiting in the residence and immediately guided Li Banfeng to the spot where the covenant deed was buried.
The covenant deed was buried halfway up the slope. Li Banfeng dug it up, dismissed Tiger, and promptly delivered the deed back to the Portable Abode.
The wife took the deed and first enveloped it in a cloud of mist.
This was to create an illusion.
"Husband, the Inner States must also have their eyes fixed on Qiu Luoye's covenant deed. Now that it is unearthed, the Inner States should be able to see it. This servant can only fool them for as long as possible. For now, we can only hope that Qiu Luoye's soul leaves his body quickly."
When a covenant deed was unearthed, the local spirit's cultivation would plummet, and his soul would depart his physical form—amounting to dying all over again.
Yet this process took time. Some local spirits parted with their souls in under an hour, while others might not separate even after three to five days.
"Husband, how long soul departure takes depends on the depth of feeling between the local spirit and his domain. The deeper the bond, the faster the soul departs. Husband, you must watch closely—the moment after soul departure will be critical."
Li Banfeng immediately raced back to the bathhouse.
Qiu Luoye held little affection for Wuqin Township, but he was deeply attached to his own territory. Li Banfeng estimated that it would take at most an hour or two for his soul to depart.
Of course, even if Qiu Luoye took a day or two to lose his soul, Li Banfeng had to prepare like this, because once the soul departed, not a single moment could be wasted.
When Li Banfeng arrived at the bathhouse, Qiu Luoye was lying face down on the table, still blissfully enjoying himself.
The muskmelon Qiu Luoye was scrubbing with all his might. As he rubbed the back, with a tearing swish, a chunk of flesh came sloughing off Qiu Luoye.
"What just fell off?" Qiu Luoye started.
Ma the Fifth forced himself to appear calm and chuckled. "Just scrubbed off a roll of dirt."
"A roll of dirt that big?!" Qiu Luoye didn't quite believe it and wanted to inspect it.
Li Banfeng stepped into the scrub room, diverting Qiu Luoye's attention. "Brother Qiu, how long has it been since you last had a scrub? Isn't it only natural to have a bit of grime? Master scrubber, put some more muscle into it! Get all that dirt off."
Though his expression remained impassive as he spoke, Li Banfeng's heart was in his throat.
Qiu Luoye's soul had already begun departing. He truly hadn't expected it to happen so fast.
The muskmelon man didn't care what was coming off; he just scrubbed with all his strength. Chunks of flesh and blood peeled away from Qiu Luoye's body, one after another.
Li Banfeng continued chatting with Qiu Luoye, while Ma the Fifth quietly readied the sack of bath grime.
Lying on the table, Qiu Luoye felt that something wasn't quite right with his body.
"Old Seven, isn't this scrubber using a bit too much strength?" Even as he spoke, another large sheet of flesh was scrubbed off by the muskmelon man.
Qiu Luoye felt something strange on his face as well. He clawed at it, and the flesh on his face was nearly ripped off in his grasp.
"Brother Qiu, you think he's using too much force?" Li Banfeng gave the scrubber a shove. "Can't you be a little gentler?"
The muskmelon man stumbled and crashed right onto Qiu Luoye.
Crash!
The scrubbing table had already been groaning under Qiu Luoye's weight; stacking two Qiu Luoyes on top of each other was more than it could bear.
The table collapsed!
Qiu Luoye slammed onto the floor with a squelch. The impact knocked away every scrap of flesh and blood from his body, and even his eyeballs popped out.
In an instant, pitch-black darkness enveloped Qiu Luoye's vision.
His soul had completely separated from his body.
Li Banfeng swiftly executed the Technique of Flesh Laying, adhering the muskmelon man's body onto Qiu Luoye.
On the other side, Ma the Fifth grabbed the sack and scattered the grime all over the floor.
Qiu Luoye shouted, "Old Seven, what's happening? Why can't I see anything?!"
Li Banfeng called out, "I can't see either! Someone released poison! Old Five, where are you?"
Ma the Fifth, holding the sack and showering dirt over the floor, heard Li the Seventh calling and hastily answered, "I've got the scrubber pinned! He's an assassin! I'll take him down with me!"
Thud!
Ma the Fifth accidentally stepped on Qiu Luoye's flesh and blood, slipped, and took a hard tumble.
It was a nasty fall. Ma the Fifth gritted his teeth and let out a couple of groans.
Qiu Luoye instantly grew frantic. "Old Five, don't fight him head-on! Hide yourself first, I'll take him on!"
Qiu Luoye genuinely wanted to fight, but he couldn't move. His soul had only just been affixed to the muskmelon body, and he had yet to adjust.
He believed he really had been poisoned. It had been many years since he'd suffered from poison, and he wondered what poison could possibly be so potent.
Yet upon second thought, something felt off. Why could Ma the Fifth move while he couldn't?
Li Banfeng shouted, "Old Five, hold him! Wait for me!"
Bang!
Using the Technique of Treading Ten Thousand Rivers, Li Banfeng stomped Qiu Luoye's sloughed-off flesh into mush, picked up the sack from the floor, and mixed the bath grime thoroughly into the minced flesh.
Hearing the sounds of fighting beside his ears, Qiu Luoye was anxious to the extreme. "You two brothers get out first! Don't worry about me, I'll fight him to the death!"
No sooner had the words left his mouth than Qiu Luoye stood up in his muskmelon body.
Li Banfeng was startled. Qiu Luoye had adapted far too fast!
Standing where he was, Qiu Luoye slowly opened his eyes.
His vision shifted from a blur to sharp focus. Qiu Luoye could see again.
Looking around, Qiu Luoye saw minced flesh and blood covering the ground, mixed with bath grime into an unrecognizable mass.
Li Banfeng and Ma the Fifth had prepared a whole routine, but now that Qiu Luoye could see, the rest of the performance was no longer needed.
Qiu Luoye asked, "Where did that scrubber go?"
"I blew him up with Viewing Flowers on a Galloping Horse." Li Banfeng pointed to the minced flesh on the ground. The physical evidence was right here.
Qiu Luoye asked, "This is his corpse?"
Ma the Fifth nodded. "Yes, that's his corpse."
The witness was right here too.
Qiu Luoye moved his limbs, still feeling something amiss. "My body... why is it so stiff?"
Li Banfeng said, "Poisoned. My body feels stiff too!"
Ma the Fifth added, "All of us were poisoned just now."
Qiu Luoye blinked. "What poison did he use? How come I was the only one who couldn't move a moment ago?"
Li Banfeng said, "You're nursing severe injuries. It's already impressive that you've recovered this quickly."
Qiu Luoye looked at Li the Seventh. There was really no flaw in that reasoning.
After a moment of stupor, Qiu Luoye stepped forward and stomped on the mashed flesh. "I fucking praised him for being handsome, too! Just who the hell sent him to kill us?!"
Don't stomp too hard, Brother Qiu. Muskmelon is brittle; don't go crushing your new feet.
Seeing Qiu Luoye's condition, Li Banfeng felt confident.
The first hurdle—cleared!
Chapter 441