Helping Him Cut in Line

Critic sat on a large blue stone, drew out a stack of paper and a fountain pen filled with ink, and began settling accounts with Li Banfeng. "Our friendship is unbreakable; I have never doubted that. But business must be clearly settled first—especially this deal. The cost I have to bear is very high. A special fungus is growing on your friend's body. You are an educated man, so you know how troublesome fungi can be. "Furthermore, this fungus lies outside the bounds of my knowledge. I have never seen a similar strain before, nor do I have any way to directly formulate an effective strategy against it. "On top of that, you want me to develop an agent that can eradicate this type of fungus, which makes treatment even more difficult. Under such steep costs, the fee I charge will naturally be quite substantial." Li Banfeng was prepared. "Name your terms!" Critic put forward his first condition. "I came to Desong Cliff under the peddler's orders to maintain order. I signed covenants with many of the Virtue Cultivator leaders here, binding them not to wage war in the short term, or else they will suffer severe illness. "However, the main problem now is that the Virtue Cultivators aren't the only ones participating in the war at Desong Cliff. Many sects from Puluo Province are involved as well. They refuse to sign any covenant with me, and I cannot simply kill them. Under the peddler's restrictions, the number of lives I can take is limited. "Therefore, the first thing I want you to do is get these sect members to leave Desong Cliff. If you can't drive them all out, at least get the majority of them to leave." Li Banfeng nodded. "That can be done." Critic stated his second condition: "Desong Cliff has suffered devastating losses in this war. By my estimates, they are going to starve this winter. "I've starved before. You cannot expect a starving man to stay rational. Faced with survival, they are very likely to provoke another war. My friend, I hope you can provide Desong Cliff with a shipment of grain. For you, that shouldn't be too great an expense." "I agree to that as well." Critic had changed significantly, though Li Banfeng couldn't yet tell what had caused it. Was it the peddler's influence on him? "The third condition: during this war, several key figures have been stirring up trouble. I originally intended to kill them and be done with it, but their prestige on Desong Cliff is extremely high. Killing them might spark even more severe conflicts. I want you to help me deter them—just deterrence will suffice." Li Banfeng looked at Critic. "Is this really you? I haven't mistaken you for someone else, have I?" Critic smiled. "I am merely trying to solve problems through more effective methods. For instance..." "Noodle soup! Yummy!" The child brought a bowl of noodle soup over to Lightbulb. Critic stood up and scooped the child away. "I told you, don't play with him for now. He has a lot of little things on him—very dangerous little things." Lightbulb glanced down at the child. He wasn't very interested in the soup, nor did he feel like eating anything. He only wanted to stand straight and still, just as he was doing now. Critic walked up to Lightbulb. The sheer density of fungi on Lightbulb made him knit his brows. "The good news is that through you, I can obtain a massive number of test samples. The bad news is that I might not be able to stomach it all, and you might not be able to hold out." Lightbulb glanced at Critic, turned his head back, and remained standing ramrod straight. Critic focused his will and stood beside Lightbulb. After more than three minutes, Critic's cheeks puffed out. This was no exaggeration—the sheer quantity of fungus truly proved a bit much for Critic to swallow. He forced it down, but his cheeks bulged again. It was hard to tell whether he had pulled more from Lightbulb or if he hadn't managed to swallow the first batch and had regurgitated it. After swallowing repeatedly several times, Critic let out a long breath and looked toward Li Banfeng. "Fungi and spores... what a marvelous sensation!" Li Banfeng looked at Lightbulb. On the night at the Dark Star Bureau, Lightbulb had stood the entire time. For most of the train journey, Lightbulb had stood as well. Now, he was finally tired of standing and collapsed onto the ground. "Seventh Master, the sky in Puluo Province is so blue." The instant he lay down, tears welled up in Lightbulb's eyes. Mijian and Haitang were deeply moved; they, too, felt the sky of Puluo Province was remarkably blue. Critic was thrilled. Not only did he find the sky blue, but he also saw angels descending from the heavens. "Li Qi, my friend, look! An angel has descended upon the mortal realm! It is a miracle!" Critic dashed excitedly up the mountain path. He hadn't witnessed any miracle; he had simply consumed an overdose of fungi and poisoned himself. Li Banfeng had seen similar cases at the Dark Star Bureau; such incidents occurred frequently in Nanzhao Province. Seeing the direction Critic was running, the child grew frantic, chasing after him while shouting, "High, up high!" "There's a giant character for 'Virtue' here! It seems angels revere virtue as well!" Critic flailed his arms and leaped off the cliff. The child shrieked in terror. Before long, Li Qi flew up from beneath the cliff, carrying Critic by the collar. Critic sang an Amikan ballad while waving his arms, fancying himself an angel soaring through the sky. ... Lightbulb hadn't been fully cured. Just as Critic had warned, the sheer volume of fungus was too vast for him to consume in one go. The insidious part was that as long as any remained, the surviving fungus immediately multiplied in great numbers. By the next morning, Lightbulb had returned to standing by the cave entrance once again. "Manipulating microorganisms alone won't solve this stubborn fungus," Critic said with a headache. "I need to engineer a few friends to wage a proper war against them." Despite the relapse, Li Banfeng trusted Critic. "Just keep their condition under control for now. I'll go check on those sects first." ... Having been taken straight to Decheng Mountain upon arriving at Desong Cliff, Li Banfeng hadn't had the chance to tour the surrounding villages. After speaking with Luo Zhengnan over the phone, he headed first to Deyuan Village. Both Critic and Luo Zhengnan had a deep impression of this village, because its chief, Song Demei, was the central figure of the conflict. Arriving at the western entrance of the village, Li Banfeng saw memorial archways lining the road one after another, stretching deep into the settlement—even denser than Archway Street in Yaowanggou. After strolling near the entrance for a moment, Luo Zhengnan arrived. Li Banfeng asked, "Who erected all these archways?" "They were all built for the people of Deyuan Village. Loyal ministers, top scholars, filial sons, virtuous chaste women... every one of them considered paragons of virtue. There are over a hundred archways here." "A single village produced over a hundred paragons of great virtue?" "That's not even all of them. Over the past couple of days, I asked around. Deyuan Village claims to be the source of great virtue. Many people who died years ago are still waiting for their archways to be put up. The village chief promised plenty of folks, but the village simply doesn't have enough land left." Provoking a war just because there wasn't enough land to build memorial archways? Li Banfeng asked, "Did you find out what we need to know about the sects?" Luo Zhengnan was thorough in his work. "I have it all gathered. In total, sixteen sects—both large and small—sent people to Desong Cliff. Two of those sects even had their chiefs show up in person." Li Banfeng was surprised. "Who invited them? Who carries that much clout?" "Most were brought in by Song Demei. She spent time roaming the pugilistic world in her younger years and made many friends. She invested a fortune this time too, scraping clean every village under her control. She even sold off their winter grain supplies and gave all the proceeds to these sect members." Having grasped the situation, Li Banfeng formulated a countermeasure. "Send word to these sects. Find a place tomorrow night—we're treating them to dinner." Luo Zhengnan looked somewhat conflicted. "Seventh Master, picking a venue won't be easy. If we choose another village, they might not agree to come. If we choose Deyuan Village, Song Demei might not tolerate our presence." Li Banfeng felt Deyuan Village was just fine. "Right here on this Archway Street. I think this place is great. I want to see if Song Demei dares stop us. If she actually has that kind of guts, things will be much simpler." Luo Zhengnan urged caution. "Seventh Master, Doctor Critic is a master at killing, but think about why he hasn't lifted a hand himself. "When I chatted with Doctor Critic, I probed a bit on purpose. This entire affair was ordered by the peddler. Critic isn't allowed to kill indiscriminately." Li Banfeng raised an eyebrow. "What does his inability to kill have to do with me? I didn't promise the peddler anything." Luo Zhengnan shook his head. "The logic holds, but in practice it doesn't work that way. If the peddler forbade Doctor Critic from killing indiscriminately, and we go on a slaughterfest here, wouldn't that be slapping the peddler in the face on purpose? How about we compromise and keep the killing to a minimum?" The two discussed matters and sent invitations to each sect. Luo Zhengnan even made a point of inviting Song Demei. Just as Li Qi had predicted, Song Demei didn't stop Luo Zhengnan, but claimed she was too busy with village affairs and declined to attend. The leaders of the sects didn't brush aside Li Qi's face. When the appointed hour came, everyone showed up. However, they had already coordinated beforehand: they would eat the food and drink the wine, but none of their men would withdraw under any circumstances. At seven in the evening, the banquet began right on time. People from the various sects looked around, yet none saw Li Qi. Luo Tongkui, the Silver Insignia of the Sanying Sect, asked, "Old Luo, what's the meaning of this? Our brothers gave Seventh Master face, but Seventh Master looks down on us. He invites us to dinner, yet doesn't show his face. What kind of talk is that?" Luo Tongkui had a massive, gleaming bald head without a single strand of hair. Having injured his right eye in his earlier days, he wore an eye patch, giving him a rather repulsive, intimidating appearance. Luo Zhengnan smiled. "Master Kui, don't lose your temper. Seventh Master has already arrived. I took the liberty of sharing a couple of drinks with everyone first to catch up and compare notes." "What notes do I have to compare with you? If Li Qi isn't coming, why did we even bother? Do you think I'm desperate for a free meal?" Luo Tongkui stood up to leave, but suddenly felt a wave of numbness. His body shuddered for a moment, and he dropped back into his chair. Had it been someone from the Outer States, they would have known immediately they had been electrocuted. But few in Puluo Province had ever seen electricity. Luo Tongkui had seen electric lights, but he had never seen anyone get shocked, so it took him a while to process what had happened. Pointing at Luo Zhengnan, Luo Tongkui cursed, "You little bastard! You dare lay hands on me?!" Hearing Luo Tongkui's outburst, several guards rushed over and shielded Luo Zhengnan. Unwilling to back down, Luo Tongkui summoned his brothers as well. "What? Want to test our mettle right here? Our Sanying Sect doesn't buy your crap!" Luo Zhengnan waved the guards back and invited Luo Tongkui to sit down first. "Master Kui, don't get so worked up. I'm doing this for your own good. A few bumpy words between us are nothing. But if Seventh Master arrives and you're still talking like this, things will get serious." "I talk like this wherever I go! Let's see just how serious things can get! Li Qi doesn't want to see me? Then let him see our Grand Gold Seal! If he has something to say, say it to the Grand Gold Seal—he has no business talking to me!" Luo Tongkui turned and stormed off. Luo Zhengnan didn't stop him. Turning to the others, he asked, "Gentlemen, do you all feel the same way?" Jiang Jingqi, hall master of the White Crane Gang, spoke up. "Brother Luo, Seventh Master has looked out for our sect a lot, and the friendship between us is quite solid. But we all know the rules of the underworld. Once you agree to settle a score for someone, there's no backing out halfway. "I think Master Kui is right. If Seventh Master didn't want to see us, he shouldn't have invited us. If there's any business, take it up with our sect master." Sha Jianfeng, leader of the Sand Snake Alliance, took a drag from her cigarette and sneered, "If Seventh Master looks down on the brothers from the halls, I won't say anything. But I, Da Fengzi, am the head of the Sand Snake Alliance. Can't Seventh Master condescend to meet even me? This is simply treating us like air! "We believe Seventh Master has the power to turn clouds and summon rain in Puluo Province, but we aren't convinced. I can't speak for others, but our Sand Snake Alliance won't swallow this insult. Not a single brother in our alliance is a coward afraid of death!" "We're not convinced either! Our brothers aren't afraid to die!" Everyone rose to their feet, preparing to leave. Luo Zhengnan called out, "Don't be in a rush. The dishes are being served." Sha Jianfeng gave a sway of her waist. Her form-fitting satin qipao hugged her curves tightly, full and voluptuous both above and below the waist, remarkably pleasing to the eye. "Keep it for yourself! We're not freeloading meals here—we're not so poor we need your charity!" Luo Zhengnan silently admired her. The Sand Snake Alliance was merely a mid-tier sect, and whatever its capabilities, Da Fengzi's face and figure were truly beyond reproach. "Sister, since you're already here, you have to at least take a bite of the first dish before leaving. Lad, uncover the pot!" At Luo Zhengnan's order to uncover the pot, a young man brought forward a stewpot and lifted the lid. Fragrance drifted out with the steam. Everyone peered into the pot. Stewing inside was a large bald head, still wearing an eye patch over its right eye. It was none other than Luo Tongkui, the Silver Insignia of the Sanying Sect. He had only stepped outside less than a smoke's time ago, and his head was already stewing here. Sha Jianfeng swayed her waist again, turned around, and sat right back into her chair. The others seated themselves one after another, heads lowered, utter silence falling over the table. Luo Zhengnan lit a cigarette and gave a soft sigh. "None of you know Seventh Master well, so take my advice: sometimes, not seeing Seventh Master isn't necessarily a bad thing. You see, Master Kui insisted on seeing Seventh Master, and didn't he end up in the pot? Come on, everyone, don't just sit idle. Pick up your chopsticks and eat. We can chat as we eat." Eat? Eat Luo Tongkui's head? No one uttered a sound. Luo Zhengnan tapped the cigarette ash and sighed. "It seems this dish doesn't suit your appetite." "Doesn't matter if it doesn't suit your appetite," Li Qi said, pulling up a chair and sitting beside Luo Zhengnan. "Pack it up and send it to Shen Jinzhong." A shudder ran through the crowd. They didn't know who this man was or when he had arrived. The Sanying Sect was the foremost sect. Seeing his attitude toward Shen Jinzhong, Grand Gold Seal of the Sanying Sect, everyone present deduced his identity. Luo Zhengnan smiled. "Didn't you all want to see Seventh Master? Now you're seeing him!" Their faces turned ashen. None dared raise their heads, none dared speak, and none dared look at Li Qi twice. Li Banfeng swept his eyes over the group. "Don't be shy. Eat what you like, drink what you like. If this dish doesn't suit your taste, I'll switch it out for another!" Except for Li Qi and Luo Zhengnan, everyone at the table shuddered in unison. Li Qi continued, "Once you finish this meal, it'll be time to hit the road." Another collective shudder. Li Banfeng smiled. "Don't misunderstand, gentlemen. I mean it's time for everyone to head home. You are all courageous people, and the brothers under you aren't afraid of dying. But that doesn't mean you aren't afraid of dying. Isn't that right?" The crowd kept their heads down in silence. Li Qi was undeniably right. Li Banfeng singled out Sha Jianfeng: "Alliance Leader Sha, are you heading back tomorrow?" "Yes!" Sha Jianfeng nodded vigorously. "No need to wait for tomorrow—I'll leave tonight." Li Qi praised, "Alliance Leader Sha is a clever woman. Our Old Luo always praises you, saying that out of all the chiefs in Puluo Province, you're the one he admires most." Luo Zhengnan's cheeks blushed slightly. Sha Jianfeng quickly chimed in, "Brother Luo and I have a deep bond. How about this: I won't leave tonight. I'll share a few more drinks with Brother Luo to catch up." That night, the various sects hurriedly rallied their men, packed their belongings, and prepared to head home. Sha Jianfeng delegated these tasks to her subordinates and really went to Old Luo's place that night to catch up. "Brother Luo, your little sister is hot-tempered and spoke out of turn. Please don't take it to heart." As she spoke, she swayed her waist and sat right on Luo Zhengnan's lap. Luo Zhengnan let out a soft sigh. "I might not take it to heart, but you're really boring your way into it!" ... Early the next morning, the sects gathered their personnel and luggage and made for the western exit of the village. By cutting through Archway Road and hitting the main road, they would reach the train station in less than half a day's walk. Song Demei stood beneath her father's memorial archway, cupping her hands to the crowd. "Brothers, your elder sister has never mistreated you, has she? Are you truly going to abandon me and leave me to my fate?" Ma Songquan, chief of the Soup and Congee Gang, slung a towel over his shoulder, cupped his hands in greeting, and said, "Elder Sister, something came up..." "Say no more," Song Demei sighed. "Little Ma, back when you were selling congee on the streets of Haichiling, your stall was overturned by the Yao Family Stockade, and you were beaten half to death. Who was it that pleaded on your behalf and saved your life? You haven't forgotten that, have you?" Hearing this, Ma Songquan recalled the past. His nose twitched, and he wiped his tears with the towel on his shoulder. In his youth, he had spent time in the Sanying Sect and reached the second tier of cultivation. Not wanting to live with his head tied to his waistband every day, he quit the Sanying Sect and set up a stall at Toudaoling in Haichiling. Selling noodle soup, congee, and rice, leaving early and returning late, he earned mere pennies a day, barely enough to support his family. That day, Song Demei went to visit Pan Dehai and stopped by on the way to check on the local gang, the Yao Family Stockade. As luck would have it, Song Demei felt like having a bowl of congee before leaving, and ended up at Ma Songquan's stall. When a Virtue Cultivator eats congee, she naturally had to chew on some virtue as well. Song Demei first complained that the rice tasted off, then that the water wasn't right, and then that the heat was improper—in short, she was displeased with the congee. Having tumbled through the pugilistic world himself, Ma Songquan still had some temper left in him and bickered with her. The young master of the Yao Family Stockade was present and ordered his men to overturn the stall, beating Ma Songquan half to death. Possessing cultivation, Ma Songquan couldn't swallow such humiliation and wanted to fight the Yao Family Stockade to the death. Seeing this, Song Demei quickly ingratiated herself by offering a few mediating words, smoothing things over, and letting the matter pass. Did that count as a favor? It depended on how one looked at it. If Ma Songquan had limped away meekly and faded into obscurity, the matter would have been forgotten, and Song Demei wouldn't have remembered the favor either. However, after that incident, Ma Songquan refused to endure a life of mistreatment any longer. He started anew and built up a sect—the current Soup and Congee Gang. Wherever he went, he still kept a towel draped over his shoulder, still looking like a congee vendor. Once his sect flourished and his own cultivation advanced, Ma Songquan marched to the Yao Family Stockade, pinned the former young master to the ground, stomped on his face, and demanded twenty silver dollars in ransom—or else he would claim his life. Song Demei stepped in once again, putting in a good word for both sides. She had the Yao Family Stockade pay ten thousand silver dollars to ransom the young master. After this, Song Demei had another favor owed to her by the Yao Family Stockade. As the story spread across the martial world, both debts of gratitude became well known. Meeting Ma Songquan, Song Demei naturally had to bring up that old debt. With tears in his eyes, Ma Songquan said, "Sister, after hearing your words today, our Soup and Congee Gang will not take a single step out from here! Brothers, turn back!" The head of a sect! A man whose word was like iron! Ma Songquan had said he wouldn't take a single step out from the western exit of the village, and he meant it! He led his men and walked out through the eastern exit instead. As he walked down the road, Ma Songquan muttered to himself, "Elder Sister, I truly make this vow to you from the bottom of my heart: if my old bones don't hold out, I'll bring a bowl of congee to your graveside next year, and you can see whether the heat was done right." ... With all the sect members gone, Song Demei sat on Archway Road at the village entrance, pondering her next move. She called her three sons over to brainstorm together. Her eldest son felt it was time to call it quits. "Mother, let's stop competing for the local spirit position. You have your own territory outside, so why fixate on Desong Cliff? "No one knows where Wang Zhengde's covenant deed is buried, many neighboring villages refuse to submit to us, the peddler dislikes us and sent a foreigner to torment us, and now Li Qi has stuck his hand into this. If we keep fighting like this, we won't gain anything, and our family fortune will be squandered clean." Song Demei didn't speak. She had indeed summoned her three sons to offer advice, but she disliked the eldest son's suggestion. Seeing this, the second son wasn't in a hurry to speak: "Mother, let me think this over carefully." The third son was young and full of hot blood. "What kind of thing is Li Qi? How dare he come looking for trouble at our doorstep?!" The eldest glared at the third. "If you don't know who Li Qi is, at least go ask around outside! He's not someone you can provoke!" The third sneered. "You think I haven't heard of him? Isn't he just some up-and-coming character from Green Water City? Whatever tricks he pulled there are none of our concern, but Desong Cliff is no place for him to act so brazen! "Those martial artists were scared out of their wits, but we don't need to beg them. In a bit, I'll invite the elders from the surrounding villages. Tonight, we'll invite Li Qi over for drinks. If he doesn't dare come, he's just a gutless cripple. If he dares show up, we'll finish him right at the table!" Song Demei said nothing, but a faint smile appeared on her face. She clearly liked what the third son had said. Gauging Song Demei's mood, the second son quickly played along: "We don't necessarily have to resort to blades. As Virtue Cultivators, we believe in winning people over with virtue. If Li Qi listens to reason and understands when to advance and retreat, sparing his life wouldn't hurt." Hearing this, the old lady grew even happier. The eldest son was truly getting on in years, and as people aged, they inevitably grew stubborn. Knowing his mother didn't want to hear it, he spoke up anyway. "Third Brother, Li Qi killed Xiao Zhenggong right at the Jiangxiang Gang's banquet—did you know that? How clever do you think your scheme is? Do you think Li Qi hasn't lived through this before?" The third scoffed. "What was Xiao Zhenggong compared to us?" The eldest said, "He was the master of the Jiangxiang Gang! The entire gang was wiped out by Li Qi just like that!" Song Demei's expression darkened even further. The second son hastily smoothed things over: "Eldest Brother, the Jiangxiang Gang was caught off guard and blindsided by Li Qi. We're fully prepared to take Li Qi down. How could that be the same? Besides, what cultivation did Xiao Zhenggong have compared to our mother? They shouldn't even be mentioned in the same breath!" The eldest was still worried: "What if that foreigner comes along?" The second son harbored slight concerns about this as well. If Li Qi came with the foreigner, Song Demei might not be able to hold them off. The third son had a countermeasure ready: "If the foreigner comes along, we act according to circumstances. If we can finish both of them off, we find a way to finish them off. If we really can't, won't it be fine if we just don't make a move? "We treat them to a meal, finish it peacefully, and the matter blows over, doesn't it? It's a foolproof plan!" The eldest still felt it was risky: "The problem is—" *Slap!* Song Demei struck the eldest across the face. "The ancestors of the Song family are watching from above! When you speak, have some respect for your bloodline!" The eldest hung his head and glanced up at the memorial archway above. This archway indeed belonged to the Old Master of the Song family, but the eldest still wanted to say something: his own bloodline had very little to do with the ancestors of the Song family—he didn't even have the surname Song. Of course, he couldn't say that out loud; saying that would cost far more than a single slap. Furthermore, what the third son said held some truth. If Critic came along, they would simply treat them to a meal; having room to maneuver either way meant nothing too terrible should happen. Having agreed on the plan, the third son went to invite the village elders, the second son arranged the banquet, and the eldest was assigned the most daunting task: he had to climb Decheng Mountain to deliver the invitation to Li Qi. The eldest didn't want to go, but Song Demei insisted that this was necessary to test his courage. The banquet was set for the following day. At dusk, the eldest brought the invitation up the mountain, and Li Banfeng actually accepted it. Seeing the eldest return in one piece, the third laughed. "Eldest Brother, didn't I tell you? This is a foolproof plan. We either win or break even, but we can't possibly lose!" Although the strategy seemed thorough, no slip-ups could be permitted in the execution. Song Demei was a meticulous person; she spent the entire night with her three sons going over every possible scenario they could imagine. What if Li Qi turned hostile halfway through? What if he backed down? What if he remained noncommittal and vague? At what moment to speak, at what moment to drink, at what moment to draw weapons; which phrase was the cue, how far to push the conversation, which word was the signal, and who would strike first—everything had to be meticulously prepared. At dusk the next day, the banquet was arranged. Hearing that Li Banfeng planned to attend alone tonight and that Critic wasn't coming, Song Demei was overjoyed, fully prepared to eliminate Li Qi. The eldest was ready. The second was ready. But where was the third? "Mother!" The second son rushed into the room in a panic. "Something happened to Third Brother! Out on Archway Road!" Song Demei rushed to Archway Road, only to see the third son hanging from Old Master Song's memorial archway. By the time they cut him down, the third son was already cold through and through. Song Demei slumped onto the ground, unable to utter a word for a long time. The eldest couldn't find words either, only wiping tears by the side. The second son recalled what his third brother had said earlier. The third had insisted again and again that this was a foolproof plan. As far as plans went, it had indeed been foolproof—but who could have anticipated that Li Qi wouldn't follow the plan at all? Up on Decheng Mountain, Li Banfeng was eating noodles with soybean paste made by Critic. Critic looked down toward the foot of the mountain and asked Li Banfeng, "Was that appropriate?" "Nothing inappropriate about it," Li Banfeng said, dishing up a bowl of noodles for Old Luo. "Old Luo told me that a whole line of people in Deyuan Village are waiting to have memorial archways erected for them. I thought their third son was quite something, so hanging him up on the archway was just helping him cut in line."