Senior, Please Take a Seat

Smiling Thousand Hands, the Patriarch of Thief Cultivators, was currently inside Li Zhijuan's sewing machine. "I really never expected that after hiding away in a backwater like Tiemen Fort, you would still manage to track me down. "Li Qi, give it to me straight. Are you the Fort Master of Tiemen Fort?" Li Banfeng did not answer. He did not even show himself. Banfeng Two flicked a silver dollar hard, flinging it straight at the sewing machine. The sewing machine's bobbin spun, catching the silver dollar in its thread. At the same moment, a dense swarm of shadows surged forward, surrounding the sewing machine. Smiling Thousand Hands caught on to what was happening. "First the Boundary, which should be Close the Doors and Bar the Gates. Then a swarm of shadows—that must be Body and Shadow Comforting Each Other. "Before this, you entered the house and Li Zhijuan couldn't even see you. I always took you for a Travel Cultivator, but could you actually be a Dwelling Cultivator? "Then how did you pull off that whole heap of Travel Cultivator techniques? Just how many treasures do you have hidden on you? Don't be stingy—bring them all out and let me have a look. Your Old Ancestor here will appraise their quality for you, hehehe." A steel needle threaded with silk darted back and forth across the room, seemingly searching for Li Banfeng's location. Li Banfeng replied, "Save your breath, old relic. I'm not in this room at all. I'm waiting outside the front door. Why don't you come out and fight me?" "Come out?" From the fracture where the sewing machine's flywheel had broken off, a hand reached out, picked up the broken flywheel, and inspected it closely for a moment. "Your Close the Doors and Bar the Gates boundary is so fierce it sheared off my flywheel in a single blow. If I step outside now, wouldn't I lose a layer of skin?" Li Banfeng advised, "Not necessarily just skin—you might break a few bones, too. Step out and give it a try first; I'll take a close look for you." The needle threaded with silk glided along the wall, as if it had pinpointed Li Banfeng's location from his voice. *Clack! Clack!* By some unknown method, Smiling Thousand Hands reattached the broken flywheel and spliced the snapped drive belt back together. The sewing machine began running once more, its crisscrossing needles and thread trapping all of Li Banfeng's shadows. Banfeng Two chuckled. "Old thief, since when did you become a Garment Cultivator?" Before his voice had faded, several shadows used Unimpeded Passage at once, closing in to tear the sewing machine apart. "So many shadows capable of Travel Cultivator techniques! What kind of magical treasure are you using? Such fine goods—hurry up and let me see!" The sewing machine suddenly shifted positions, jumping from the center of the living room to the foot of the stairs. Banfeng Three used Sever the Path to Forge a Way, parting a thick web of silk threads to open a path. Banfeng Two charged up to the sewing machine with a sickle in hand and chopped straight down onto the thread take-up lever. *Bang!* Sparks flew, and the take-up lever snapped in two. "Old Pincer Xiao, your bones aren't that hard after all!" Banfeng Two swung his blade to strike again, but the sickle in his hand abruptly vanished. "Little brat, this weapon of yours isn't bad!" The sewing machine vanished once more. Banfeng Four tried to give chase, but silk threads wrapped around his ankle, slamming him hard to the floor. Banfeng Two dodged the loose threads strewn across the ground and tossed the wine gourd to Banfeng E. "Burn all the threads! Keep the flames under control—don't burn down the house!" Just as Banfeng E was about to unleash the fire, the wine gourd sensed something was wrong. "Little brother, hold tight!" Before the words had faded, the wine gourd slipped from his grip. The sewing machine reappeared in the kitchen, holding the wine gourd with a chuckle. "You don't want to burn down the house? You sure care a lot about Li Zhijuan. She's quite a looker, but unfortunately, this isn't up to you!" He tried to use the wine gourd to set a fire, but the gourd kept her mouth clamped tight, refusing to spit out a drop of liquor. The sewing machine praised, "Li Qi, you've trained this treasure well. Unless it stays in my hands for ten days to a half-month, it probably won't obey me." The wine gourd whipped her head around and spat a blast of fire straight at the sewing machine. "Old thief! Not even in eight or ten years would this old lady let you push me around!" That mouthful of fire failed to damage the sewing machine. Smiling Thousand Hands said, "Don't worry, you won't have to wait that long. Useless junk like you, I'll fence right away." The wine gourd vanished. There was no telling where Old Pincer Xiao had hidden her. The sewing machine blinked again, appearing by the entryway. "Li Qi, trying to fool your ancestor with a bunch of shadows? You're far too arrogant! How many more good things do you have? Have these shadows bring them all out—I'll take as many as you've got!" Using his Dwelling Cultivator talent, Banfeng Chou stood guard at the entryway without making a sound. He raised his iron ruler, aiming to stab it into the flywheel, when Old Pincer Xiao vanished. In that split second of distraction, Banfeng Chou felt a sharp, agonizing pain in his fingers. In the blink of an eye, the iron ruler was gone too. "Good boy, you hid yourself pretty well!" Old Pincer Xiao chuckled smugly as his figure vanished once more. The pack of shadows searched in every direction, but could find no trace of him. The Tang dao, however, saw through his trick. Old Pincer Xiao seemed triumphant, but this strike had actually been very rushed, exposing a slight flaw. To snatch the iron ruler, he had relied on two silk threads: a teal thread wrapped around the ruler, while a blue thread coiled around Banfeng Chou's fingers. The two threads tightened almost simultaneously. As Banfeng Chou's fingers were yanked by the blue thread and loosened slightly, the teal thread immediately swept the iron ruler away. Scanning around, the Tang dao did not find the sewing machine, but it spotted the teal and blue threads closing in on Banfeng Yin, aiming to steal the bloodstained pendulum from him. Tracing the two threads back, the Tang dao locked onto the spot where they vanished and slashed straight down. *Clatter! Clang!* The Tang dao sheared through the sewing machine's treadle connecting rod. The treadle hit the floor with a clang, and the connecting rod was promptly snatched away by the glove, leaving Old Pincer Xiao with no way to repair it. "You little monkey, you dare steal my stuff?!" Seeing the glove, Old Pincer Xiao's temper flared. "Old Ancestor, I followed you for so many years and you never gave me anything good. Consider this your modest gift to make up for it." As it spoke, the glove stood upon the flat of the Tang dao's blade. Its fingers trembled slightly, but it stood straight and tall. The sewing machine crept toward the glove. Smiling Thousand Hands wanted to snatch this hand back, and he also wanted to seize all of Li Qi's Travel Cultivator treasures. Yet while it sounded easy, Smiling Thousand Hands found himself in a tough spot. With the treadle immobilized, the sewing machine had lost its power source. Its manipulation of the silk threads was noticeably less nimble than before. The Tang dao tracked the sewing machine relentlessly, pinpointing its position accurately each time. Banfeng Two picked up on the rhythm and led the shadows to follow the Tang dao's lead. First they dismantled a screw, then a presser foot, beating the sewing machine back step by step. Old Pincer Xiao found the Tang dao difficult to deal with, unaware that it had already struck three blows. If it kept going just a little longer, it would be exhausted. Still, Old Pincer Xiao did not want to take risks. Refusing to linger in close combat on the ground floor, he flickered and darted straight up to the second floor. There were two rooms on the second floor: one for miscellaneous storage, and the other Li Zhijuan's bedroom. While earth-shattering chaos reigned on the ground floor, Li Zhijuan remained fast asleep in her room, not waking in the slightest—clear proof of how utterly depleted she was. The sewing machine entered Li Zhijuan's bedroom, eyed her on the bed, and was just about to draw out its silk threads when a figure emerged from the doorway, planting a Trampling Ten Thousand Rivers kick directly into the sewing machine. That kick snapped the sewing machine's main shaft, shook its frame loose, and deformed the machine head. Despite the heavy damage, Old Pincer Xiao laughed. "Li Qi, you're finally willing to show yourself! Hehehe!" With his laugh, every shadow in the room began laughing along. Even the soundly sleeping Li Zhijuan wore a smile in her dreams. A Laugh Cultivator technique: Universal Celebration. Banfeng Zi laughed the hardest, barely managing to catch his breath. "Senior, what are you laughing at?" Old Pincer Xiao stopped laughing. He had burst into laughter earlier to create an opening for a sneak attack. He had assumed that since Li Qi kicked him, Li Qi had surely revealed himself. Yet he found no trace of Li Qi at all, only Banfeng Zi standing before him, politely addressing him as 'Senior.' "That kick just now... was from you?" Old Pincer Xiao lost his calm. Banfeng Zi said, "My kick was too heavy just now. Forgive this junior's lack of manners." Kicked by a shadow, and kicked so miserably? Old Pincer Xiao refused to believe it. In truth, the kick had not been particularly powerful. Banfeng Zi was a paragon among Dwelling Cultivators, with few Travel Cultivator techniques under his belt, and his Trampling Ten Thousand Rivers was barely passable. The essence of that kick lay in catching the target unprepared. When Banfeng Zi struck, Old Pincer Xiao had mounted no defense at all, taking the full brunt of the blow. Though severely wounded, Old Pincer Xiao could still fight. He skirted around Banfeng Zi and flickered to Li Zhijuan's bedside. The bobbin trembled, and silk threads bound Li Zhijuan tight. Li Zhijuan felt the pain, yet she still could not wake. Old Pincer Xiao barked, "Li Qi, if you don't show yourself, I'll kill her right now!" Li Qi did not answer, but Banfeng Zi retorted, "The Master said: kill her if you want." The shadows surged onto the second floor, surrounding the sewing machine once again. "Trifling parlor tricks, and you never tire of showing them off!" The sewing machine's flywheel spun, drawing the silk threads from the first floor back onto the bobbin. As they crisscrossed, they sliced all the shadows in two at the waist. Banfeng Zi lay on the floor and praised, "Fine layout." Banfeng Two secretly admired it as well. Setting the threads on the first floor and reeling them in on the second, delivering such precise lethality in a single move—even high-tier Garment Cultivators were no more proficient than this. The shadows showered him with praise: "Old Pincer is amazing. Truly an eye-opener today." "Look at him—this isn't even a Thief Cultivator craft, yet he handles it so smoothly." "Old Pincer, where did you steal this technique from? Did you steal it from someone's dwelling spirit?" The severed halves of the shadows on the ground grew back their full bodies and stood up. Their numbers had doubled completely. The sewing machine's flywheel fell to the floor. Smiling Thousand Hands could not help asking, "Li Qi, what path do you actually belong to?" Li Qi remained silent, and the shadows said nothing either, closing in on the sewing machine step by step. The sewing machine tugged Li Zhijuan with its silk threads, seemingly intending to keep a hostage. Its frame moved toward the bedroom doorway, and the shadows followed right up to the door. Banfeng Yin glanced back and suddenly saw an old man in his seventies, lean-bodied, with narrow brows and eyes, thin lips, and sharp teeth, hunched over as he leaped toward the window. A trick! The one that blinked to the doorway was just the sewing machine—Old Pincer Xiao was no longer inside it. "Li Qi, impressive skills! Until we meet again!" Old Pincer Xiao leaped out the window. Banfeng Two used Sever the Path to Forge a Way to pursue him, but the sewing machine was still running. The silk threads grew increasingly dense, quickly closing off the path that had just been cleared. Old Pincer Xiao landed steadily on the ground and first cast a look to both sides of the street, guarding against any ambush Li Qi might have set along the way. Out on the street, even if he ran into Li Qi in person, Old Pincer Xiao was confident he could escape so long as he was prepared. He could still fight; a swarm of shadows alone was not enough to subdue Smiling Thousand Hands. Even so, Smiling Thousand Hands had no desire to fight further. After tangling in Li Zhijuan's home for so long without even catching a glimpse of Li Qi himself, continuing the fight would yield little advantage. In fact, he had already gained plenty. During the skirmish, he had stolen a silver dollar, a sickle, a wine gourd, and an iron ruler. The sickle and wine gourd were rare treasures, the silver dollar was a spirited item of formidable combat strength, and the iron ruler, at the very least, was an uncommon weapon. With such a harvest, this trip was already a win. Once a thief made a profit, there was no reason to linger. Smiling Thousand Hands took a step forward, then suddenly felt something amiss beneath his feet. The ground shouldn't be this smooth... The houses on either side of the road faded until they vanished entirely, replaced by clusters of candlelight before his eyes. The candlelight illuminated four walls lined with all manner of furnishings. An illusion! This wasn't a street in Tiemen Fort—this was a room! How could leaping out of Li Zhijuan's window land him in someone else's house? Who created an illusion this lifelike? The projector closed its lens cap and hid behind the gramophone. A woman set down the rouge in her hand, raised her head, and looked into the mirror. In the mirror appeared a face bearing a metallic sheen across the forehead, with rounded cheeks resting beneath the cheekbones. "Old Pincer Xiao, do you recognize me?" Smiling Thousand Hands did not recognize the face, but he knew the voice. With a flash of movement, he darted into the corner of the room, putting as much distance between himself and Hong Ying as possible. *Creak—* A nearby door was pushed open, and Jiu'er stepped out from the third bedroom. "Senior Xiao, it has been a long time." "Yu Buzhuo..." Smiling Thousand Hands could not fathom why Hong Ying and Yu Buzhuo were together, nor could he understand where on earth he was. The gramophone needle rested on the record. Amidst a puff of steam, a sweet voice drifted from the horn: "Taking from both sides, selling to the highest bidder—Smiling Thousand Hands, did you come to my home to do business?" "Zhao Xiaowan!" Smiling Thousand Hands was horrified, frantically searching for an exit. Relying on the Thief Cultivator technique Light Beyond the Willows, he located the front door of the companion dwelling. This door would certainly not be easy to open. Smiling Thousand Hands twisted the ring on his finger, preparing to gamble his chances. *Creak—* The door swung open on its own. Such good fortune? Just as Smiling Thousand Hands was about to rush out, he saw Li Qi step inside. "Hehehe~" Wearing an amiable smile, Li Qi entered the companion dwelling and closed the door behind him. Smiling Thousand Hands asked, "What place is this?" "This is my home," Li Banfeng said, gesturing to a nearby chair. "Please, have a seat." Smiling Thousand Hands shook his head. "No need to sit. Standing and looking around is fine. What you used was Broadening the Bridal Chamber!" Li Banfeng nodded. "Good eye!" "You connected Li Zhijuan's house to your own?" "Spot on. You old thief really know your stuff." Jiang Ling'er had said that to achieve full mastery of Broadening the Bridal Chamber, one had to practice inside someone else's dwelling. Now Li Banfeng had mastered it. Smiling Thousand Hands had leaped out the window, but he never could have imagined that Li Zhijuan's window led straight into Li Qi's house. Before leaping, he had even taken a careful look outside. Who could have known that the scenery beyond the window was an illusion produced by the projector—an illusion crafted with great care, aided by Fifth Miss? Smiling Thousand Hands knew full well the strength of Zhao Xiaowan, Hong Ying, and Yu Buzhuo. Even though years had passed, defeating any one of them would be no simple task. On top of that, Li Qi was inside his own dwelling. Inside their own homes, Dwelling Cultivators possessed combat strength far exceeding that of practitioners of the same level! Faced with this situation, Smiling Thousand Hands had no choice but to activate his backup plan: he had left another hand behind at the cinema. So long as he could contact that backup hand, even if his body fell here, his soul could fly over to it. Smiling Thousand Hands sent out a mental pulse, but received no response. Certain techniques were cut off by the dwelling. He had to find a way to make an opening. Smiling Thousand Hands sat down on the chair, looked at Li Qi, and said, "Can we negotiate a price?" "We can," Li Banfeng replied generously, even pouring a cup of tea for him. "First, return everything you stole from me." Smiling Thousand Hands pulled a bundle cloth from his sleeve and shook it out. The sickle, the wine gourd, the silver dollar, and the iron ruler all tumbled out. He even went out of his way to explain the bundle cloth's function to Li Banfeng: "This is an item I carry on me. It can store quite a lot of good things, but later on He Jiaqing took it from me. "It was precisely because I lacked this bundle that when I took one of your earrings back then, it secretly sent word to you and ended up costing me dearly. "Later, I hired a craftsman to make another one. Items placed inside this cloth won't make the slightest sound. If I hadn't brought them out myself, you wouldn't have found them in your entire life." Li Banfeng smiled. "Are you asking for a favor here?" "Doesn't this count as one?" Smiling Thousand Hands gathered the bundle. He was not looking for a favor; he was stalling for time. Li Banfeng said, "Trading these things for your life falls a bit short. First, tell me why you came to Tiemen Fort." Smiling Thousand Hands let out a long sigh. "Where I go isn't up to me. You might have heard about this: He Jiaqing and Old Mother Ku beat me into a cripple. With only one breath left, I hid myself on a whelp from the Ghost Hand Sect. "That boy came to Tiemen Fort two days ago. I thought this place seemed nice, so I stepped out of him to wander around. "Passing the door of the Dwelling Cultivator Li Zhijuan, I found that her dwelling spirit had just died, so I stayed in her house to pose as the dwelling spirit for a few days and recover some vitality in the process." "Her dwelling spirit died? What a coincidence that you happened upon it just then." Li Banfeng voiced his suspicion. Smiling Thousand Hands said, "It really was that coincidental. Would I lay hands on an aged dwelling spirit? "Besides, he was only at the ground level." Li Banfeng believed this had to be Smiling Thousand Hands' doing. "If you didn't kill her dwelling spirit, where did your Garment Cultivator techniques come from?" Smiling Thousand Hands replied, "Because I already knew Garment Cultivator arts in the first place. Look at the methods I displayed—could a ground-level practitioner ever master those?" *Hiss—* The gramophone puffed a plume of steam. "Among Thief Cultivator arts, there is a technique called Sesame Blossoms, which speaks of starting low and finishing high. "Back in the day, you stole a technique from a ground-level Wine Cultivator and managed to execute methods above the clouds, intoxicating hundreds of guards. You stole over twenty pieces of ordnance from Shu Wanjuan and fenced them to Cong Shixiang. Surely you haven't forgotten that yourself?" Smiling Thousand Hands sighed deeply. "General Zhao, to think you still remember those old debts. It seems I won't be able to clear my name from this grievance. I truly didn't harm Li Zhijuan's dwelling spirit, nor did I intend to harm Li Zhijuan. "I did want to steal a bit of lifespan from her—not much, certainly not enough to claim her life. My injuries were too severe, and I needed to recover. Li Qi, you saw it yourself: aside from feeling a bit drowsy, Li Zhijuan hasn't suffered any real harm." Smiling Thousand Hands measured his words carefully. He was certain by now that Li Qi was the Fort Master of Tiemen Fort. Regarding He Jiaqing, he spoke nothing but the truth, so even if Li Qi verified it himself, he would find no flaw. As for anything damaging to Tiemen Fort, he could not breathe a single word. Infuriating Li Qi right now would bring unimaginable consequences. Li Banfeng asked, "Aside from Li Zhijuan, have you harmed anyone else?" Smiling Thousand Hands shook his head. "Absolutely not. Only Li Zhijuan." What this old thief said might not be true; Li Banfeng would still need to verify house by house. Even if he was telling the truth, the situation had been precarious. If Li Banfeng had not come to Tiemen Fort, Smiling Thousand Hands would have moved from house to house, parasitizing them one after another. Tiemen Fort was remote and secluded, and the Dwelling Cultivators rarely interacted with outsiders. It was an ideal retreat for Smiling Thousand Hands to recuperate. Had Li Banfeng not sensed the danger through Seeking Fortune and Avoiding Calamity, there was no telling how many people in Tiemen Fort would have died, or how far Smiling Thousand Hands would have recovered. Lingering fear aside, Li Banfeng asked further, "Does He Jiaqing know about this?" Smiling Thousand Hands shook his head. "How could I let He Jiaqing know? Like you, I share a blood feud with him." Li Banfeng frowned. "Then why did you take him as a disciple in the first place?" Smiling Thousand Hands sighed. "By right, I shouldn't have taken in such a junior. It was only because someone recommended him at the time." Li Banfeng thought for a moment. "Old Mother Ku recommended him?" Smiling Thousand Hands shook his head. "You have it backward. When He Jiaqing became my disciple, he didn't even know Old Mother Ku. It was precisely because he became my disciple that Old Mother Ku came to think so highly of him. "At ten, He Jiaqing obtained the Thief Cultivator medicinal powder. At eleven, he joined the Ghost Hand Sect. With his background, he never needed to work the streets—a little money from his family was enough to brush off his duties. "Yet the boy was fiercely competitive. Every time there was a job, he charged to the front, and he never failed. "At the time, the sect's Young Sect Master, Lu Wujiu, held He Jiaqing in high regard and recommended him to the Old Sect Master, Xie Juncong. "Xie Juncong accepted a sum of silver from He Jiaqing and taught him many skills. When he was thirteen, he met me." The glove crawled onto Li Banfeng's shoulder and asked, "Why don't I have the slightest recollection of this Young Sect Master surnamed Lu?" Smiling Thousand Hands gently scraped the lid of his teacup. "Of course you don't remember, because you are Lu Wujiu." "Nonsense! How could I forget my own name?!" Smiling Thousand Hands gave a faint smile. "You definitely forgot. Everyone who became my hand forgot their own name. Your names were all stolen by me." A wave of bewilderment washed over the glove. It focused all its effort on controlling every single finger, refusing to tremble. It could not embarrass the master of the house at a moment like this. "I didn't," the glove said to Li Banfeng. "Master, I definitely wouldn't do something like that. I could never have recommended He Jiaqing." Li Banfeng patted the glove, signaling that it did not need to worry. Whether this matter was true or false, Li Banfeng would not blame the glove. From its perspective at the time, it had done nothing wrong. He continued questioning Smiling Thousand Hands: "Everyone who became your disciple ended up as your hand. So why did He Jiaqing manage to escape that fate? Was it out of your love for his talent?" Smiling Thousand Hands spoke frankly: "I do love talent. In my eyes, an exceptional talent like He Jiaqing was meant to be one of my hands. "A pity that when he first joined, his cultivation was insufficient. He wasn't even qualified to serve as my hand. "By the time his cultivation was adequate, he had met Eighteen Wheels and Old Mother Ku. When I wanted to take him as a hand, they objected. I wanted to strike in secret, but He Jiaqing was extremely wary, and I never found an opening. "Once I finally found an opportunity, that boy ran off to study in the Outer States. Tell me, isn't that quite a coincidence? "Whatever else you wish to ask, I will tell you everything I know." Li Banfeng did have many more questions, but the voice of the companion dwelling sounded beside his ear: *Ah-Qi, hurry up. He's about to find a gap.* The companion dwelling was nearly unable to keep Smiling Thousand Hands contained. Li Banfeng asked his household, "Do you have anything else you want to ask?" Smiling Thousand Hands said, "My old friends, feel free to ask whatever you wish." The household members all looked toward the gramophone. *Hiss—* The gramophone said, "The things you've done couldn't be told in three days and three nights. But we have quite a few matters to attend to as well, so let's end your tale right here." Sensing trouble, Smiling Thousand Hands set his teacup on the table, stood up, and said, "I am the Patriarch of a path. In terms of seniority, I am your elder. If not for my grave injuries that have yet to heal, I would never have fallen into your hands today. Treating me like this will hardly conform to the rules of Puluo Province if word gets out." *Hiss—* The gramophone chuckled. "Did you all hear that? Senior Xiao is preaching rules to us. He's been in our home for so long, and we haven't even treated him to a meal. Yingying, set the table—let us invite our honored guest to take his seat!"