A Fine Television Indeed

Mu Yuejuan held the covenant deed, her wrist trembling uncontrollably. To tell the truth, she really did not want to sign it. She had come to the Dark Star Bureau to recover her most important painting, only for it to end up in Li Banfeng's hands. On top of that, Li Banfeng wanted her to perform a task for him, yet the deed did not specify what that task was. "Seventh Lord, give me at least a hint. What do you want me to do?" Li Banfeng replied, "It involves confidential matters. I cannot tell you just yet." A'yu chuckled at that. "The lad is sharp. A sly vixen like Mu Yuejuan must be guarded against carefully." Mu Yuejuan said with an aggrieved pout, "You haven't spelled anything out. If I sign this, I'll be at your beck and call through fire and water. Isn't this a bit too—" "Heh heh!" Li Banfeng chuckled. Mu Yuejuan could not see Li Qi's face, hearing only his chilling laugh. Those two short chuckles alone frightened her into a violent shudder. "Seventh Lord, I didn't mean anything by it. I was only asking after your intentions, worried that I might bungle the job and displease you." With only her right hand remaining, Mu Yuejuan showed remarkable dexterity. She pinched the deed between her little and ring fingers, dabbed her thumb into the blood oozing from her wound, and pressed her thumbprint onto the paper. Li Banfeng collected the covenant deed and led Mu Yuejuan back the way they had come. Passing the pond, Mu Yuejuan fished out her severed left hand and painted two black serpents, binding the arm securely back onto the stump. Not long ago, Mu Yuejuan had claimed she was too weak to paint serpents. Yet in no time at all, her abilities had already recovered. Inside a painted world, a Painting Cultivator's advantages were exceedingly pronounced. Arriving at the three-way intersection, Li Banfeng looked back. There were three paths behind him and three paths ahead; the path that had originally led into the garden had vanished without a trace. Mu Yuejuan pointed down the path toward the pond. "Beyond the pond is a flowerbed. Crossing the flowerbed brings you to the pine forest. Passing the pine forest leads to the wisteria corridor, and coming out of the wisteria corridor brings you right back to this three-way fork. No matter which way you go, there is no way out." Li Banfeng asked, "According to your original painting, what was supposed to lie beyond the pond?" Mu Yuejuan answered, "A single painting cannot contain too many things. Beyond the pond was originally a bamboo grove. Pass through the bamboo grove, and you can walk right out." Li Banfeng nodded. "Then we cross the pond." He intended to fly across the water, but Mu Yuejuan stopped him. "Seventh Lord, you must not fly over this pond. I painted quite a few egrets in it, and they are exceedingly fierce. Left unattended year after year, some have grown unruly and no longer obey my commands. If you fly across, those birds will certainly attack you. I know you aren't afraid of a few birds, Seventh Lord, but if you were to suffer any injury, it simply wouldn't be worth it." Offering a timely warning showed Mu Yuejuan's shrewdness and worldly experience. Li Banfeng might not necessarily feel grateful to her, but if he flew into the air and was ambushed by the egrets, Mu Yuejuan's own life would be placed in jeopardy. The two boarded the small boat on the pond. Mu Yuejuan took up the oars with both hands, her eyes drifting across Li Banfeng as the ripples danced across the water. In terms of looks alone, even Feng Daiku fell somewhat short of Mu Yuejuan. If Li Banfeng had merely been feigning the gentleman, Mu Yuejuan had a hundred ways to reel him in; even if he kept his head lowered and refused to look at her, she had methods to wrap him around her finger. Yet Li Banfeng merely stared at Mu Yuejuan with wide eyes for quite a while, without finding her attractive in the least. What truly piqued his interest was that her severed hand was already able to row. Seeing that Li Banfeng did not take the bait, Mu Yuejuan found the pursuit dull and quickened her stroke, bringing them all the way to the opposite shore. The shoreline was ablaze with blooming flowers. After walking through the blossoms for a considerable distance, they indeed arrived at the edge of the pine forest. "Seventh Lord, this was originally a bamboo grove," Mu Yuejuan stressed once more. Li Banfeng closed his eyes, walked forward a short distance, and activated his Exquisite Hundred Flavors technique, carefully testing the scents lingering in the air. Mu Yuejuan asked from his side, "Seventh Lord, what are you smelling?" Li Banfeng said, "I'm smelling to see if there is any fragrance of bamboo." Mu Yuejuan carefully weighed her demeanor—she could not laugh, nor could she appear too stern; under no circumstances could she let Li Banfeng sense any mockery or sarcasm. "Seventh Lord, that bamboo was painted with ink. It carries no fragrance." Li Banfeng opened his eyes and stared at Mu Yuejuan for a moment. Mu Yuejuan maintained an innocent, candid expression, making it clear she was merely stating facts with no ill intentions whatsoever. "When I passed through that wisteria corridor earlier, I caught plenty of floral scents." Mu Yuejuan explained, "Those floral scents came from rouge I mixed into the ink. When I painted the train, I also added a bit of machine oil, just to make it more realistic." Li Banfeng looked at the pine forest. "When you painted the bamboo, you didn't think to add some bamboo leaves?" Mu Yuejuan pursed her lips. "That was right by the exit, so I didn't paint it in such detail. For the pine forest, however, I did mix in some pine resin." Li Banfeng walked into the pine forest and took a sniff. The scent of pine resin was thick. The reason they had become lost inside the painting was not due to an illusion technique. Rather, some method had altered the spatial layout of the painted world. Mu Yuejuan had mentioned triggering a mechanism that trapped her inside. What method did that mechanism employ? If the layout had truly been altered, there was one method that ought to reveal the exit. Li Banfeng said to Mu Yuejuan, "Go to the boundary between the pine forest and the corridor, make a mark, and wait for me there." Without asking why, Mu Yuejuan complied immediately. Taking advantage of her departure, Li Banfeng quietly shed a single drop of blood. A lightless Boundary expanded across the painted world. No matter how thoroughly a space was altered, within a finite area, the boundary of Close the Doors and Bar the Gates could always gauge the true state of the layout. After ten or so minutes, the boundary reached the edges of the painted world, and Li Banfeng understood why they had become lost. *Layered Shadows of Wisteria and Pines* had suffered severe distortion. Many of the scenes within the painting now met head-to-tail, forming a bizarre circular loop. The technique was remarkably subtle. The trees, pond, pillars, and flowers had all undergone minute shifts, enough that even Li Banfeng's Travel Cultivator instincts had been thrown off, while Mu Yuejuan had failed to realize that she had been walking in circles inside her own painting all along. Yet no matter how well concealed a layout was, once enveloped by the boundary, it gradually grew clear. Li Banfeng circled the ring at high speed, committing every detail of the garden to memory. He came to the midpoint of the corridor and stopped beneath a pillar along its edge. This pillar stood somewhat farther from the adjacent two than it should have—a consequence of the spatial warping. Li Banfeng first employed his Sit Back and Relax technique. Within the boundary, he was sovereign. Having established basic control over his surroundings, Li Banfeng invoked Broadening the Bridal Chamber. Since the layout had been modified, he would modify it right back. Returning it to its original state was out of the question, but Li Banfeng was confident he could pry the circular loop apart and turn it into a straight tube. Executing the technique proved grueling. Li Banfeng's face twisted and his frame shook; two attempts ended in failure. He had not spent enough time in the painted world, whereas the method warping it was astonishingly formidable. Fortunately, Li Banfeng uncovered a few knacks. The junctions where the pond, pine forest, and corridor met were comparatively weak, serving as entry points to overhaul the layout. Li Banfeng unleashed the technique once more. This time, the results were pronounced: the entire painted world shuddered violently. A'yu gave a soft laugh. "The kid certainly has tricks up his sleeve, enough to wrestle with you a bit. Don't take it too seriously, now—just treat it as a bit of fun." Standing beside the pine forest, Mu Yuejuan watched as the straight pine trunks began to bend, one after another. She did not know what technique this was, nor whether Li Qi was casting it or the mechanism outside the scroll was acting up. Yet one thing was crystal clear to her: in a situation like this, she must not let curiosity take over, must not dig too deep, and above all must not conduct any pointless investigations. If she provoked Li Qi, the consequences would be dire. After waiting for a couple of minutes, Li Banfeng appeared before Mu Yuejuan. "Come with me to the corridor." Mu Yuejuan started walking in the direction of the corridor, but Li Banfeng called her back. "Wrong way. Head toward the pond." "Seventh Lord, either way leads to the corridor, but taking the pond route is going the long way around." Li Banfeng shook his head. "It's different now. You have to cross the pond to reach the corridor." Mu Yuejuan was weak, but she could not resist using her techniques to perceive her surroundings. Upon sensing the space, Mu Yuejuan went pale with shock. *Layered Shadows of Wisteria and Pines* had undergone a shift—an indescribable shift. She followed Li Qi to the end of the corridor, where a bamboo grove came into view ahead. Mu Yuejuan was ecstatic. Finding this bamboo grove meant they had found the exit. Beads of sweat rolled down Li Banfeng's brow. Maintaining Broadening the Bridal Chamber inside a painted world took considerable effort; after all, this was not his dwelling, and the mechanism outside was still exerting force, striving to bend the scroll back into a loop. Li Banfeng said to Mu Yuejuan, "This is the bamboo grove you spoke of, but I didn't spot the exit just now." Mu Yuejuan hurried to the center of the grove and halted before a stalk of purple bamboo. "Seventh Lord, this is where the exit is, but something has sealed it shut." "Find a way to open the door, and be quick about it." Sweat poured faster and faster, trickling down Li Banfeng's cheeks from beneath his hat. Mu Yuejuan shook her head. "There is a barrier here, exceptionally sturdy. I must find a way to paint a door onto it. An ordinary door won't do—the passage must be deep enough, the opening broad enough, and the lintel solid enough. At a rough estimate, it will take at least an hour." With her painting skills, would painting a door really take an hour? She was blatantly stalling for time. Within the painted world, her recovery rate was astounding. Once she healed, she could paint a door and flee on the spot, leaving Li Banfeng trapped inside. If he failed to retrieve the painting then, it would not count as a breach of contract on her part. "Seventh Lord, I will paint as fast as I can. First, let me mix the pigments. Wait just a moment, I will immediately—" *Rumble!* The purple bamboo shattered to powder. Right behind it, a pitch-black cavity opened up. Using Treading Ten Thousand Rivers, Li Banfeng had blasted open the exit of the scroll. Tears welled in Mu Yuejuan's eyes. "Seventh Lord, what are you doing?" Li Banfeng replied, "I just wanted to see what lay behind the bamboo." "My *Layered Shadows of Wisteria and Pines*—" Mu Yuejuan was on the verge of tears. A'yu chuckled. "Serves you right! Sly vixen, that's what you get for playing games!" The Dark Star Bureau building gave a shudder. Haitangguo snapped awake from his nap, snatched up a rag, and immediately began wiping things down. A'yu murmured in admiration, "The child has good sense. Eats well, sleeps well, works hard—bound for a long life, without a doubt." The duty officer from the Investigation Department sensed something amiss and started toward the stairwell. A'yu sighed. "There are always fools who don't know any better. Consider yourself lucky that I'm saving your hide today." *Clatter!* A rubbish bin in the hallway toppled over, spilling trash across the floor. The officer's face turned pale at the sight. Such a mess—how could this be permitted? He hurried off to fetch a broom and set about cleaning it up. Li Banfeng and Mu Yuejuan leaped out of the painting. The scroll hung in the stairwell, its lower-left corner marred by a gaping hole. Mu Yuejuan rolled up the painting with an aching heart. Li Banfeng asked, "Where is your most important painting?" "Right behind this heavy iron door." Mu Yuejuan crept toward the corridor door, hoping to test whether it could be opened. If luck was on her side and it swung wide, she intended to bolt immediately. Li Banfeng turned around with a smile. "Senior, you lead the way." "M-Me? Lead the way?" "You're guiding us, so of course you go first!" Mu Yuejuan said reluctantly, "Seventh Lord, it's rather perilous inside, and I am still injured." "No matter. If danger arises, I will save you." "Seventh Lord, I cannot open this door." "If you can't open it, how do you know the painting is inside?" "I... I could open it before because I painted a key. Now that I am wounded, any key I paint would likely be useless." "No matter. I'll open it for you." Li Banfeng pulled on his glove and felt around the door for a brief moment before swinging it open. The glove wasted not a single motion, making the entire procedure look as though Li Banfeng had performed it himself. On occasions like this, the master of the house had to be given all the glory. Pushing open the heavy iron door, Mu Yuejuan ventured inside with great caution. The chamber remained just as it had been before. Glass display cabinets of varying sizes lined the room, containing a wire recorder, a floor-standing radio, a floor-standing television, a steam sewing machine, and that particularly prominent gantry planer. The spot that had originally belonged to the locomotive was empty. It seemed Old Train was indeed not here. "Senior, where did the locomotive go?" "What locomotive?" Mu Yuejuan feigned ignorance. Li Banfeng smiled. "If you didn't see a locomotive, why did you paint a train in your scroll?" Without blushing or breaking rhythm, Mu Yuejuan lifted her chin toward Li Banfeng. "A train possesses grand presence. I only wanted to frighten you off." Li Banfeng chuckled. "Senior, you certainly frightened me. In fact, I'm about to run off right now. Before I go, I'll even shut the door behind you." "Don't go!" Mu Yuejuan cried in terror. "I'll tell you the truth! There really was a train here, and it charged right at me! I scrambled to run, barely made it past the heavy iron door, but then the corridor door wouldn't budge. When I looked back, the train was already barreling toward the threshold. I had nowhere to hide, so I could only hang a painting in the hallway and duck inside to take shelter. In the end, once I went in, I couldn't get back out! Seventh Lord, every single word is the honest truth, not a shred of falsehood!" Li Banfeng nodded. "I believe you. While Old Train is away, let us hurry and find that painting." While Mu Yuejuan went to look for the painting, Li Banfeng slipped off his glove and set it atop the glass case housing the television. "Brother, it's on you." Li Banfeng passed the key to the companion dwelling to the glove. "Master, leave it to me." The glove cautiously felt around the glass cabinet. Li Banfeng remained where he was, appearing entirely motionless. Inside one of the glass cabinets, Mu Yuejuan located her most important painting. She did not dare touch it recklessly. Having roamed the rivers and lakes for so many years, even if she was unfamiliar with the Dark Star Bureau, she knew full well that this glass case was bound to be riddled with traps. Before Mu Yuejuan could decipher the mechanisms, the glove had already pried open the glass casing and gently dragged the television out. The television's phosphor screen flickered pale white, appearing on the verge of powering on. Li Banfeng remarked, "Be extra careful. You wouldn't want to be locked in here forever either." Mu Yuejuan heard the words, and so did the television. Mu Yuejuan grew even more cautious. The glow on the television's screen dimmed away. The glove quietly opened the companion dwelling, delivered the television into the main room, returned to shut the glass casing, slipped back onto Li Banfeng's hand, and returned the key. The entire process triggered not a single mechanism and produced not a whisper of sound. Drenched in sweat, Mu Yuejuan finally managed to open her glass case. But before she could lay a hand on it, Li Banfeng, wearing the glove, beat her to it and scooped up the scroll. "Seventh Lord, what is the meaning of—" Holding the scroll, Li Banfeng said, "It was meant for me anyway. What difference does it make whether it's early or late? Don't make any sudden moves; lower the glass door slowly." Once Mu Yuejuan handled the casing properly, she followed Li Banfeng to the entrance. After shutting the iron door, Li Banfeng, still wearing the glove, opened the stairwell door. Though pleased, Mu Yuejuan could not help feeling that everything had gone a bit too easily. "Seventh Lord, it's as if this building was constructed specifically to trap me, while you come and go without impediment." Li Banfeng replied, "What's strange about that? I am the head of the Dark Star Bureau." Once outside the Dark Star Bureau building, Mu Yuejuan moved to leave, but Li Banfeng said, "No rush, Senior. I still have tasks for you. If you leave, where will I find you?" Mu Yuejuan turned back. "Seventh Lord, don't you hold *Mist and Mirage*? You can find me through it." "What is *Mist and Mirage*?" "It is that painting of mine, the very foundation of my cultivation." Li Banfeng looked over the scroll. "Finding you through it might not be that simple. As you said, one has to find the proper path within the painting. Is there no easier way?" Mu Yuejuan felt helpless, but she knew that unless she left something behind, Li Qi would never let her walk away. She removed a dangling hairpin from her hair and handed it to Li Banfeng. "Whenever you enter *Mist and Mirage*, shake this hairpin three times. I will sense it and come find you, Seventh Lord." Li Banfeng inspected the hairpin. After taking the hit from Viewing Flowers from Horseback, Mu Yuejuan had lost nearly half her flesh, yet this hairpin remained completely undamaged. It was clearly a treasure. Mu Yuejuan offered a slight curtsy to Li Banfeng, endured the sharp ache in her chest, turned, and departed. Li Banfeng returned to the companion dwelling, carried the floor-standing television from the main hall into Room Five, and set the red lotus down beside it. "Do you two like this television?" Li Banfeng stroked the red lotus and looked at the maiden of Room Five. With a shy expression, the maiden of Room Five said, "I've never watched television before." "Really? You've never watched it?" Li Banfeng was astonished. Turning to the red lotus, he asked, "You haven't either?" The red lotus remained silent for a long moment before saying to Li Banfeng, "A television this fine—in truth, you've never watched one either. Do you know who built it?" "Let me look for the manufacturer." Li Banfeng searched front and back for a trademark or nameplate when the television suddenly shouted, "Keep your hands off! Who said you could go groping all over the place?" From the sound of it, the voice belonged to a young woman. Li Banfeng asked, "Are you really a television?" The television retorted, "Look at me. What else would I be?" Li Banfeng lifted the plug trailing from the back of the chassis. "You aren't even plugged in. Can you call yourself a television without electricity?" *Heh—* The television let out a laugh. "What's the big deal about electricity? Wherever I go, I can whip up a bit of it easily enough." As she spoke, the television's power switch lit up, and the figure of a woman materialized upon the phosphor screen. The woman had dyed yellow hair that cascaded over her shoulders, with a clump of sharp, angular, orange-red bangs hanging in front, just concealing half of her right eye. Her face was powdered stark white, set off by heavy eyeshadow, with a single painted teardrop beneath the corner of her eye. Rows of studs in various sizes lined both of her ears, and her lips were coated in deep purple gloss. Her mouth was constantly moving, as though chewing on something. The woman sized up Li Banfeng, bobbing her head with a smirk. "Big bro, why are you dressed so tacky?" Li Banfeng glanced down at his black suit. "Who are you calling tacky? You're dressed like some rock-and-roll kid from thirty years ago! You think that isn't tacky?" "What's wrong with thirty years ago? The style from thirty years ago is still trendy today! Technology keeps advancing, but aesthetics can always regress!" With that, she pressed her lips together, parted them slightly, pushed her tongue forward, and blew a bubble. She had been chewing bubblegum the whole time. Just then, Hong Ying pushed open the door and stepped in. Looking at the woman inside the television, she could not help wrinkling her nose. "What is that white, sticky slop in your mouth? Revolting." The woman stared at Hong Ying. "Oh my, where did that outfit come from? One glance, and I thought I'd wandered into a museum." Hong Ying blinked. "What is a museum?" The woman laughed. "A place where tacky old relics like you get stuffed into display cases for an exhibition." "What did you say?!" Enraged, Hong Ying launched a kick. Before her foot could make contact with the television, a jolt of electric current surged from the crown of her head down to the soles of her feet. Hong Ying's body went numb and weak, and she nearly collapsed. The woman snorted. "Like I said, aesthetics might regress, but technology marches on! What era do you think this is, coming at me with that nonsense? You think you're shooting a wuxia flick?" Before the words had even settled, Hong Ying vanished into thin air. The woman startled. "Oho, what's this?" *Bang!* Hong Ying materialized behind the set and planted a vicious kick right into the television's casing. The blow landed with brutal force. The television flew across the room, slammed into the wall, and emitted a puff of acrid smoke. "Why, you crazy broad!" The screen dissolved into static, and only after quite a while did the picture clear. Inside the screen, the woman tidied her hair. "Playing for keeps, are we? Fine, I'll go a few rounds with you!" "A few rounds? You think you're worthy?" Hong Ying drew her sword, fully intent on reducing the television to scrap. The woman inside the television grew a little flustered. "Can't take a joke, can you? Reaching for weapons already? Why is your hair piled so high? What's that on your head? You wouldn't happen to be hiding a concealed weapon up there, would you?" Her hair was piled high because a spearhead was hidden within it—a fact that ordinary folk were strictly forbidden from bringing up. Hong Ying said not another word, raising her sword to strike. Two antennas shot out from the top of the television, sparks crackling along their tips. Just as the two sides were about to clash, the red lotus stepped between them. "Hong Ying, don't be rash. This television is important." Hong Ying shoved the red lotus aside. "Important to you? Then it's definitely no good thing!" The projector urged, "Second Madam, Director Qi went through a great deal of trouble to obtain this television. You mustn't harm her." "What if I hurt this tramp?" Hong Ying pushed the projector away. "At worst, Seven-lang will give me a beating. I'll take it!" Mengde pleaded, "Madam, the Master is watching right beside you. You mustn't throw a tantrum." "So what if he's watching!" Hong Ying shoved Mengde aside. "This is just my temper. I don't know how to wag my tail like you do!" The glove came forward to mediate. "An outsider is present. Give the master of the house some face." "And what if I don't give him face?" The Tang dao joined the fray as well. "General Hong, say less. If even a newcomer can climb over your head, what do you have left to complain about?" Furious, Hong Ying snatched up the Tang dao, ready to hack the television to pieces. Li Banfeng spoke up. "Yingying, stop fooling around. We'll send her away in a few days." "A few days? I can't stand her for a single moment! Send her away right this instant!" Hong Ying shrieked at the top of her lungs, when suddenly the sound of footsteps came from the direction of Room Six. "Who said anything about sending her away?" At the sound of that voice, the projector returned to the table, Mengde retreated to the wall, the glove slipped into Li Banfeng's pocket, and the Tang dao broke free from Hong Ying's grip, scurrying to stand in the corner of the room. Hong Ying smoothed her clothes, shrank behind Li Banfeng, and lowered her head without uttering another word. The woman inside the television had no idea what was happening. "Who's there? What's going on?" With a gentle creak, the door swung open. Li Banfeng looked toward the doorway, his face alight with joy. "Precious Wife, you're awake!"