"Can't you see I'm busy?" Li Banfeng snapped grumpily as he tidied up the newspapers.
"To save my husband Li, I left my home; who knew on the imperial board I'd place first of all~ Ah, my lord husband, reading so late by candlelight—are you studying to take top honors in the imperial exams?"
She could even sing Huangmei opera.
"I'm not studying for any exams. I'm checking how many enemies I have." The more Li Banfeng read the papers, the heavier his expression grew.
*Pfft—chhh—*
A puff of steam vented from the gramophone.
Striking its metal fittings like percussion clappers, the gramophone sang in steady cadence, "No fear of having too many foes: if one comes, my husband slays one; if two come, my husband slays a pair! Just don't kill them too dead—leave them a breath of life, and bring them home as dishes for dinner!"
"Wife, that's what I was thinking too." Li Banfeng sat down beside the gramophone and patted the side of the wooden cabinet. "The trouble is, all those enemies are higher in cultivation than I am. They won't be easy to kill. And if I can't kill them easily, it won't be easy finding dishes for you either."
*Snicker, snicker, snicker—*
The gramophone broke into a series of snickers.
Li Banfeng frowned. "What are you laughing at?"
"Husband, you put your hand right on my armpit."
Li Banfeng hastily pulled his hand back.
That spot just now was an armpit?
Then what about the rest?
Li Banfeng felt around the cabinet from top to bottom, setting the gramophone giggling uncontrollably.
"*Clang-clatter-clang~* Husband, stop your fooling and heed this humble concubine's words! Since you are a Dwelling Cultivator, stop wandering about outside. Spend more time at home keeping me company, and cultivation will come naturally!"
Does she not know I'm also a journey cultivator?
Dark matter could not be observed, rendering cultivation undetectable.
The gramophone probably truly didn't know he was a journey cultivator.
Li Banfeng produced the purple medicinal pill and asked, "Wife, I want to advance my cultivation faster. Would taking this pill be of any use?"
"Wherever, wherever, wherever should I begin~~" The gramophone sang a line, stuttering slightly. "Husband, p-please give this humble servant some machine oil."
Li Banfeng quickly fetched the lubricating oil, opened the cabinet door, and used a specialized oil brush to carefully apply grease to the gears.
"Husband~~"
A sudden burst of steam hissed out like a ragged gasp.
"That gear is this humble servant's most delicate part. Please be gentler~"
That gasp sent a shudder down Li Banfeng's spine.
He stared into the cabinet for a long while, his face flushing red, before asking softly, "Wife, exactly which gear is the delicate part?"
The gramophone responded tenderly, "Husband, the gear on your left hand—just that tiny one. Brush on a little more, and be even gentler~~"
Five minutes later, Li Banfeng wiped the grease from his hands, dabbed the sweat from his forehead, and sat back down beside the gramophone.
"Wife, let's talk business. I'm listening properly."
"Properly? Why so formal?" *Clank-clatter~* The gramophone fell silent for a moment. "Husband, what do you say about these trousers?"
"Naturally, they need washing," Li Banfeng whispered in reply.
The gramophone puffed a wisp of steam, seemingly displeased, but did not bring up the trousers again. "*Clatter-clang-clang~* Ah, husband, this pill is called a Zihuan Pill. To ordinary folk, it is worth a fortune, but to you, it is quite useless."
"How so?"
"To ordinary people, swallowing this pill equates to gaining a whole month of cultivation."
A month of cultivation?
Li Banfeng's heart clenched hard.
A single Xuanzhi Pill provided ten days of cultivation and could fetch a hundred and fifty thousand.
This Zihuan Pill held a month's cultivation—how much would it sell for?
And it wasn't just about the money. Taking a few more of these would boost a person's cultivation by leaps and bounds!
Yet the gramophone sang, "Oh, husband, you are a Dwelling Cultivator. Your cultivation relies on husband and wife being of one heart, progressing together. Swallowing pills is of no use to you!"
So Dwelling Cultivators couldn't use medicinal pills after all.
Ma the Fifth had mentioned it before: the Dwelling Cultivator pathway was unique, and progress depended entirely on the dwelling spirit.
"Since I can't take it, you might as well have it, wife." With that, Li Banfeng moved to drop the pill into the gramophone's water tank.
*Hiss—*
A cloud of steam blocked his hand.
The gramophone chuckled twice.
"My husband is truly devoted. Cherishing this humble servant so deeply makes me feel quite overwhelmed by your favor.
"You had better take this pill to the market and trade it for cash, husband. The world regards it as a rare treasure, but in my eyes, it is no different from mud, sand, or broken tiles."
No different from mud and broken tiles? This pill was likely worth five hundred thousand!
Li Banfeng gave a soft snort and tucked the pill away.
On second thought, if the pill was useless for a Dwelling Cultivator, couldn't it be used for his journey cultivator pathway?
Wouldn't boosting his journey cultivator realm be just as good?
He just had to keep his wife from seeing, then find an opportunity down the road to swallow it.
Li Banfeng returned to flipping through the newspapers. Perhaps because he had oiled the gears today, the gramophone showed him exceptional tenderness.
"Husband~ tell me about the background of those enemies of yours."
Li Banfeng went over the members of the Jiangxiang Gang: "One is a tier three Martial Cultivator called Red Pole, one is a tier two Ascetic Cultivator called Sage, and one is a tier two Nightmare Cultivator called Wind Patroller."
*Snicker, snicker, snicker—*
The gramophone laughed in rapid snorts. "Ooh~ Red Poles handle the fighting, Sages read people, and Wind Patrollers keep watch. After all these years, the gang rules haven't changed a bit.
"Husband, as for that tier three Martial Cultivator, you had best not provoke him. In a straight fight, you are no match for him.
"The Ascetic Cultivator pathway is somewhat peculiar; it happens to counter Dwelling Cultivators, so you should keep your distance from him as well, husband.
"As for that Nightmare Cultivator, you cannot spare him. Though he is at tier two, you hold quite a good chance of winning against him."
This matched Li Banfeng's thoughts entirely.
He nodded. "With my Yin-Yang Eyes, I have some advantage over him. He was the first opponent I picked. But since he's at tier two, clashing with him directly still puts me at a disadvantage."
"Oh, husband, a direct clash is out of the question! First, you must sweep away the petty ghosts at his side. Since he is in a dance hall, this humble servant happens to have a plan."
"I'm all ears for my wife's brilliant scheme."
"Husband, bring your ear close!"
Li Banfeng pressed his ear against the horn and listened as the gramophone softly crooned a rendition of *The Wandering Songstress*: "Husband dear~ buy a blank record, fine black vinyl, paired with a hard needle..."
By the time she finished, Li Banfeng's ear had been scalded red by the steam.
A hard needle?
"Wife, do you want to cut a record?" Li Banfeng caught her drift.
"*Clank-clatter-clang~* Husband has hit the mark!"
Li Banfeng nodded, rubbing his bright red ear. "There's only the two of us in this room, and no one's eavesdropping. Why did you have to whisper right against my ear?"
The gramophone replied with coy reproach, "Nuzzling cheeks and ears—only that shows the love between husband and wife~~"
...
At noon the next day, Li Banfeng headed to Yuanzheng Street and bought a blank record along with two hard cutting needles at a record shop.
Late that night, dressed in a beige plaid suit and a gray fedora, he arrived at the Xianle Dance Hall.
The Xianle Dance Hall was easy to find, situated at the very end of Paifang Street across a sprawling open lot taken up entirely by the hall's gardens, with no other buildings nearby.
As a pure-minded young man, Li Banfeng firmly believed the Xianle Dance Hall was an establishment devoted to the study of music.
And the venue did not disappoint him in the slightest: a three-story, gabled Western-style mansion constructed of brick and timber, blending Chinese and Western aesthetics.
The ground floor featured long, straight lines—spacious and grand. The second floor bore rounded contours, adding layered depth to its gentle grace. The third floor tapered inward toward a sharp gable, its angles crisp and defined.
A building with such artistic flair had to be a legitimate business.
Ascending the stone steps before the entrance, two young ladies stepped forward to greet him under the archway.
"This way, sir. Do you have a favorite lady you're familiar with?"
Li Banfeng offered a faint smile. "It's my first time here."
The two women smiled shyly and led him into the main hall.
Asking about familiar ladies didn't mean the business was improper; the girls might very well be studying music here too.
Inside the hall, the candlelight was dim and the music drifted melodiously as several couples danced closely across the red carpet, locked in tight embraces.
Seeing how closely they held each other, Li Banfeng assumed it was merely a normal expression of being swept away by the music.
His entire attention was focused on the tune, searching for its source.
There was no orchestra in the hall, so where was the music coming from?
Beside the staircase, Li Banfeng spotted a massive gramophone. A man in an immaculate white suit was slowly turning its hand crank.
It was a hand-cranked gramophone; the tempo of the music depended entirely on the operator's control, requiring considerable skill.
Li Banfeng's brow relaxed, and a faint smile appeared on his lips.
This gramophone was precisely what he had come for. If there hadn't been one here, the entire trip would have been in vain.
A woman walked up to him, wearing a sweet smile. "Sir, care to dance?"
Etiquette dictated that Li Banfeng shouldn't refuse a lady's invitation to dance.
Yet the upbringing he had received since childhood would not allow him to accept.
Because he didn't know how to dance.
"I'm sorry, miss, but I don't know how to dance," Li Banfeng answered honestly.
"Don't worry, I'll teach you." The woman took his hand and led him to the center of the dance floor. Guiding his arms around her slender waist, she began swaying slowly through the hall to the rhythm of the music.
Dancing wasn't difficult; as long as one held tight and stepped in time with the tune, that was all it took. Li Banfeng was a journey cultivator, and his footwork was exceptionally steady.
She was a girl with plenty of conscience, and that conscience swayed right against Li Banfeng's chest in rhythm with the music.
Still, if they were dancing, she ought to just dance instead of constantly groping around his body.
Li Banfeng's eyes never once left the gramophone. To him, that gramophone looked vastly prettier than any girl in the room.
Chapter 77