Yaxiu soaked completely naked in the bath, the slightly cool night breeze rippling the warm surface of the water.
Beside the bath stood a row of bamboo serving as a partition, through which he could faintly hear the girls' laughter on the other side, inspiring vivid flights of imagination.
"You're so clever, Feeler, discovering my mark so quickly."
Rose sat down into the bath, the wide sleeves of her robe, embroidered with exquisite patterns, floating atop the water.
As always, she nuzzled against Yaxiu's cheek, as if this were the proper etiquette of the Princess of Resplendent Fireflies. Grasping his left hand, she explained, "When the hair tie appears on your wrist, it means you have entered the domain of yearning and have completely become mine."
Yaxiu glanced around. Knowing what was on his mind, Rose said, "That's right, you are still in the domain of yearning—it's just that right now it mirrors your reality perfectly. If you wish, the people who should be behind this bamboo partition will appear there as well."
"Why did I enter the domain of yearning?"
"Because you were thinking of me." Though Rose remained expressionless, hugging Yaxiu and rubbing her cheek against his was enough to show she was in high spirits. "My Feeler has been very good. Quick, give me a hug."
'So that's why.'
After having just recounted how many major events of his life Igola and Harvey had taken part in, Yaxiu had found it unbearable to endure Sonia and the others' expressions—a mix of helplessness and worry. When Daidalos happened to mention that the bath was ready, he had seized upon the excuse to escape with immense relief.
He had never imagined that one day he would use taking a bath as an excuse to flee from girls' attention.
When left alone, soaking naked in the bath, Yaxiu felt as though he had stripped away all his armor, letting vulnerability wash over his heart. It was like witnessing a grand display of fireworks; once the spectacle faded, nothing remained in your eyes but the solitude of the dark night.
He had not consciously indulged in yearning—he had even been fleeing from it the whole time. But he was finally exhausted, and so the yearning had caught up to him.
Yaxiu reached out, encircled Rose's slender waist, and pulled her into his embrace.
Rose clung tightly to him like an oversized plush doll, asking curiously, "Such comforting, pure yearning... But I'm right beside you, Feeler, so why are you still yearning for me?"
"Because the one I am yearning for is the Prime Angel," Yaxiu said softly. "Rose, what do you think your relationship with the Prime Angel is?"
"No relationship," Rose replied, shaking her head. "I don't even know her, so how could I have any connection to her? But why does your yearning for her make me feel like you're yearning for me?"
"Because I still can't tell the two of you apart. I'm sorry." Yaxiu tried to force a smile, but only faint traces of bitterness surfaced on his brow. "To me right now, you're like her shadow, her substitute, the last trace she left behind. Whenever I look at you, I keep feeling as if that rigid yet omnipotent assistant has appeared before my eyes.
"Even though I swore I would never treat anyone as a substitute for someone else again," he sighed, "sometimes sorcerers are surprisingly weak. Unable to escape fate, unable to change the outcome, unable to even control one's own yearning.
"Nobody likes being treated as someone else's shadow—I know that very well. I promise I will distinguish between you and the Prime Angel in the future, but right now...
"Can you forgive me for yearning for both you and Rose at the same time?"
Rose tilted her head and looked at her Feeler, whose eyes were filled with apology, not understanding why he was apologizing.
'Does he think I would be angry because he's yearning for the Prime Angel? Angry that he's confusing me with her?'
Logically, it did seem like something to be angry about, as if he still wanted to be the Prime Angel's feeler. But when Rose had seen him prefer to fight all enemies alone rather than let the Prime Angel come to harm, she had suddenly discovered that she felt yearning toward her Feeler.
Furthermore, that yearning was composed of complex elements—both beaming delight and heart-wrenching sorrow that brought tears to her eyes.
And so Rose was not angry in the slightest. However, this Feeler who took the initiative to admit his fault was quite intriguing, so she nodded, took Yaxiu's hand, and held onto just one of his fingers. She didn't know why she did it, but grasping a single finger of her Feeler gave her a deeper sense of peace.
"The Prime Angel, is she named Rose too?" Rose asked.
"Yes." Yaxiu nodded. "She looks identical to you."
"Then who is prettier?"
"Both of you are."
This textbook wrong answer somehow satisfied Rose completely. She quietly savored this moment of warmth until Yaxiu's level of yearning began to decline, at which point she spoke: "I am very pleased, Feeler. Your yearning has allowed me to experience more domains—regret, pain, courage, sacrifice, perseverance, and so on.
"It's so wonderful that you are my Feeler." Straddling Yaxiu, Rose looked down at him, her eyes seeming to hold hidden fireworks. "Your yearning is pure and full of color. I feel as though I understand this world much better now."
"Your praise really doesn't make me happy," Yaxiu said with a wry smile.
"But a very lovely big sister told me that while a feeler is the best, ordinary people can also help me expand my understanding of the world," Rose said. "She taught me that if I have my feeler gather mortals to worship the Princess of Resplendent Fireflies, I'll soon be able to return to reality without having to keep sleeping in the domain of yearning."
Yaxiu's expression changed instantly.
Rose blinked and shook Yaxiu's shoulder. "Why did your yearning stop? You can't rest yet, Feeler."
Yaxiu asked, "What is the name of the person who taught you that?"
"Hmm, Sister Snow, I think?" Rose pondered. "She didn't introduce herself."
"She is likely one of the other Four Pillar Gods—your kin, your predecessor," Yaxiu said calmly. "So, Rose, do you plan to do that?"
"Why not?" Rose asked. "Staying in the domain of yearning gets boring after a while, and I want to return to reality sooner to be with you. If Sister Snow is one of the Four Pillar Gods, she wouldn't hurt me, would she?"
Yaxiu let out a breath. He looked at Rose for a moment before saying earnestly, "I don't know whether the Four Pillar Gods would harm you, but I do know they anticipated your birth more eagerly than anyone, and they know best how to help you.
"However, if you truly become one of the Five Pillar Gods," he enunciated each word, "I will not remain your feeler."
"Why?" Rose looked at him. "Feeler, do you think I'm not good?"
"You are wonderful, but I will never help you develop believers," Yaxiu said. "Because once you have other believers, I will never think you are good again."
Yaxiu had not let Rose's affection cloud his judgment. From start to finish, he had been acutely aware that the Princess of Resplendent Fireflies was the evil god companion the Four Pillar Gods had long awaited.
The reason he had been willing to become Rose's feeler was, first, because of the Prime Angel; second, because she had helped him seize the Supreme Holy Grail; and third, because... Rose was not yet an evil god.
Whether the Four Pillar Gods were evil gods was beyond question. Yaxiu believed they had their own flawless, self-consistent worldview to justify their actions; in their perception, they were undoubtedly in the right.
Yet being 'correct' could still be evil.
No matter how persuasively the Four Pillar Gods spun things, given Yaxiu's experiences running from the Blood Moon to Gospel and then to Senluo, he would have to be insane to want to understand them. Although the Cult of the Four Pillars of the Stars had salvaged a few test points, it still could not rescue their catastrophic impression score.
If Rose truly threw in her lot with the Four Pillar Gods, Yaxiu would immediately sever all ties with her and treat her as an enemy. This was not only for his own sake, but even more so for the sake of the people around him.
As for whether he could sever the connection as a feeler, Yaxiu might not have been able to in the past, but he was now a quasi-demigod, and he had operators by his side like the Spectre Prophet and the Silver Lantern of Evernight who specialized in treating obscure and difficult ailments; with a little time, he could surely pull it off.
"So, Feeler, you don't want me to develop other believers?"
Hearing Yaxiu say she was wonderful, Rose felt reassured and earnestly asked about his thoughts.
"That's right," Yaxiu said after some thought. "I don't want you to have any other believers. If I am not your only believer, I will never yearn for you again."
This kind of threat sounded practically childish, carrying a kind of kindergarten innocence: 'If you go make other friends, I won't talk to you anymore.' Yaxiu felt a bit embarrassed having said it. He was also prepared for Rose to refuse, though if that happened, he would simply have to find another opportunity to repay her kindness for helping him.
However, Rose thought for a moment and actually nodded. "No problem.
"I'll be your only Princess of Resplendent Fireflies, and you must be my only Feeler, okay?"
Yaxiu was slightly taken aback. Looking at Rose's blank face, he realized that his almost joking demand had received a completely serious reply.
Perhaps in Rose's eyes, this was like a pet demanding to be the only one adopted, to which she casually agreed—hardly a big deal. After all, across her vast lifespan, a feeler demanding to monopolize her for a few hundred years was merely an insignificant speck of time.
Yet Yaxiu was still overjoyed, because he understood full well the immense potential Rose possessed. If the Lord of Countless Radiance drew power from mortals' yearning for and terror of violence; if the Monarch of Wind, Rain, and Snow drew power from mortals' pursuit of and anticipation for wisdom; if the Ever-Burning Heart drew power from mortals' love and reverence for life; and if the Soul of Phantasmal Freedom drew power from mortals' craving and fantasy of pleasure—then the source of power for the Princess of Resplendent Fireflies was the yearning mortals felt for the beauty of the past.
Because a loved one is not by your side, because parents have passed away, because youth has slipped away, because regrets cannot be undone... You might not seek violence, you might not pursue wisdom, and if you are healthy, you might not feel how precious life is; but as long as you live, you will inevitably have regrets, dissatisfaction, mistakes, and missed chances—and thus, yearning is born.
If Rose were to enter the ranks of the Five Pillar Gods, her authority would undoubtedly embed the Five Pillar Cult deeper into people's hearts than ever before, making it far more capable of subverting order.
Yaxiu knew he could not keep Rose forever. Setting aside the inducements of the Four Pillar Gods, even if he managed to make Rose halt her steps for him for his entire lifetime, once he died, Rose would naturally return to her kin. Even so, Yaxiu was already content.
"Then it's a deal,"
Yaxiu smiled. "You are my only faith, and I am your only believer."
"Mm." Rose rubbed her cheek against Yaxiu's. "You've started yearning for me again. It feels so nice.
"However, your yearning alone is still too little. I can refrain from taking other believers, but Feeler, you must give me all of your yearning."
Yaxiu felt a bit puzzled. "Is there any yearning I haven't given you?"
"I can receive all of your yearning, but there is also other people's yearning for you."
Rose tapped the misty vapor above the bath, and several threads of different colors appeared. "These are threads of yearning coming from the adjacent bath, but they are rather thin because their yearning has already been satisfied."
Yaxiu blinked. "But shouldn't everyone who yearns for me be right next door?"
"Not just them."
Rose tapped the mist once more. From the distant void emerged four threads: one was a thin, drifting blood-red line, while the other three were no longer mere threads but towering, brilliant pillars of blazing light—pink, purple, and black.
"What I want is this yearning that has yet to reach its destination." Rose looked at Yaxiu. "Feeler, I need your help."
"Help?" Yaxiu stared blankly.
Chapter 1027