Because I Want To

Felix thought it over, then said, "Actually, there really is a third option: turn the other person into someone you don't dislike." "But it's hard. Very hard. People can barely escape their own comfort zone, and the qualities you find revolting are usually the rules of survival the other person believes in—or even depends on. Asking someone to abandon a belief she has held her whole life... how is that any different from denying her entire past? Take away those filthy sins, and her life might never have gotten off the ground at all." "Is it really that hard?" Yaxiu's spirits sank a little. "For instance," Felix glanced at him and said calmly, "your sin is that you know perfectly well none of your lovers are willing to share their love, yet you just can't control your heart. Changing another person's nature is exactly as hard as making you give up that garbage-can promiscuity and devote yourself to one woman from now on." Yaxiu felt rather embarrassed. He ate his cake and smiled bitterly. "Your mouth really is vicious sometimes..." "Naturally. I am the Poison Art Sanctuary, after all," Felix said. "And really, what does one less lover matter to you? Never mind the Sword Princess, the Witch, and the Silver Lantern—if you wanted her, Daidalos would gladly serve you body and soul at any time. And I'm quite certain the women in your life aren't only the ones I know about. You have at least five partners to choose from... Even if you have a demigod soul body and can ruin yourself however you please, do you really have that much time to meet all these girls' need for your company?" "Since she has flaws you can't accept, and you can't accept all of her, then let her go. Falling for someone you hate is a mistake to begin with; what you need to do isn't to persist in it, but to correct it." "Not every love is right. Sometimes you meet the wrong person at the wrong time." Felix took a sip of coffee. "Like meeting me here, and getting a scolding for nothing." That was true. He wasn't some unwanted stray dog, so why cling to one cruel, savage demon? If he needed it, the Sword Princess whose heart matched his, the innocent, adorable Witch, the gentle, sweet Silver Lantern—they could all... actually, not really. These girls seemed to have made some private agreement that limited how intimate Yaxiu could be with them... In any case, he was no longer a death-row inmate starved of love. Besides, the attitude of the Sword Princess and the others was perfectly clear. They wouldn't merely be angry—worry was the bigger part... If Yaxiu falling for another girl only harmed their interests, then Yaxiu falling for a demon meant that one day he might not even command his own soul. Analyzed from any angle, Yaxiu had one and only one correct path. In the past, he might have been unable to let go because of those experiences of sharing life and death, but the memory loss from selling a quarter of his mind let him cast this feeling aside completely, with no burden at all—because he had forgotten all of it. Perhaps this was fate giving him a chance to correct his mistake... In Hell he had abandoned the wrong past; now it was time to sever the wrong future. Watching Yaxiu's expression shift, Felix turned to look at the streetlight veiled in snowflakes. She hadn't expected Yaxiu to discuss such a topic with her, but it had become a perfect opportunity. Neither sorrow nor joy stirred in her heart as she silently waited for Yaxiu to give up... As long as Yaxiu gave up, surely she too could make up her mind to give up? "For some reason," Yaxiu said suddenly, "I still want to create a miracle." Felix froze, then couldn't help laughing. "A real garbage can—once you like something, you absolutely refuse to let it go..." "Stop scolding me, stop scolding me," Yaxiu shrugged. "I just want to give it a try." "Then don't leave yourself any regrets. Walk ninety-nine steps toward her with all your strength," Felix said. "If she can't take even one step to answer you..." "Then I'll give up for good." Yaxiu drained his sweet milk in one gulp, wolfed down the cake, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as if that counted as cleaning it—so crude that Felix even let out an "Ew." He felt through his pockets, then looked at Felix with an innocent face. "I didn't bring any money." "I know." Felix waved a hand. "I've known since the day I met you that you like sponging off women." "Then I'll be going." Yaxiu stood up to leave. "Don't tell anyone about our conversation, all right?" "Why would I be tired of living? How could I let the Sword Princess and the others know you were chatting with me in private?" Felix said in exasperation. "Miss Lena and I were already their prime suspects, as if you were the greatest treasure in the world and every girl was bound to fall for you..." Yaxiu scratched his head sheepishly. As he passed Felix, his body paused; he reached out, then pulled his hand back, took out a packet of tissues, and drew one free. Under Felix's puzzled gaze, he wiped the cream from her cheek. "No need to thank me. I wanted to wipe it off for you a while ago." "I wasn't going to thank you..." "There's some on the other side too." Yaxiu held the tissue out to her, but Felix simply turned her face toward him, as unwilling to do it herself as a little girl, so Yaxiu had no choice but to clean the young lady's face, then fold the tissue and set it on the table. "I'm off. When you come back tonight, remember to buy a few cans of milk coffee—I finished them all yesterday!" "I know already." After Yaxiu left, Felix went on quietly drinking her coffee and eating her cake. She became elegant and ladylike again, and no more cream touched her face. "Aren't you two going on a date after this?" Felix looked up and saw the cafe's handsome male clerk clearing a table as he asked gently, "You've been sitting here all afternoon. I thought you were waiting for your lover... Why did he leave on his own?" Felix said nothing and lowered her head to finish the last piece of cake. But the handsome clerk assumed she was sulking after a quarrel with her lover and didn't want to talk, so he pressed his advantage. "The greatest sin in this world is a beautiful young lady waiting so long on a freezing snowy day. Some men are bitter like coffee, but other men are sweet like cake..." He reached out a hand, as if to take Felix's little hand. "When you're feeling down, a piece of cake might cheer you up—" Smack! Felix backhanded him across the face. The handsome clerk staggered back two steps, clutching his cheek as it rapidly swelled red. He was about to flare up when he met the eyes of the Poison Art Sanctuary, brimming with killing intent; a jolt shot through him, and icy terror pierced him from head to toe. Felix drained her black coffee, carefully wiped her lips clean with the folded tissue, and set a gold coin on the small wooden table. "I happen to like bitter coffee. Because I want to." The second young lady of Vosloda lifted her small crossbody bag, stood, and gave the clerk a look of disgust. "None of your damn business," she said coldly.