Sympathy

In the apartment, the cult leader and the Veela locked eyes. "Why?" Hearing Yaxiu's question, Freya froze. She thought for a moment before answering, "My status is still that of a lawful citizen. I can rent an apartment to shelter you, I can work to support you, and you can leave anything inconvenient to me. I... whatever you tell me to do, I'll do." "While I'm flattered that you're willing to work to support me," Yaxiu said, unable to stifle a laugh, "I didn't mean 'why should I take you with me.' I meant 'why do you want to follow me?'" Freya blushed slightly and looked down at Xiaoxian rubbing against her feet. "No reason... I just want to follow you." "Then let me put it another way. Why can't you accept me leaving?" Freya opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She bit her lower lip, feeling a sharp ache somewhere deep in her chest, yet having no idea how to voice it. The education she had received over the years forbade her from ever exposing her weakness. Suddenly, she remembered what Yaxiu had said to Xiaoxian earlier: *If it hurts in the future, don't just tough it out alone. Cry out loud, or nobody will ever know.* "Because it will hurt," she whispered. "Just the thought of never seeing you again, never eating the delicious food you make, never talking to you... my chest throbs with a dull ache. It hurts so much, and I almost want to cry." As she spoke, Freya began to feel aggrieved. "Everything is supposed to go back to the way it was after you leave, so why do I feel so miserable? It's clearly no different from before, but the moment you appeared, you threw all my feelings into a complete mess. Why did this happen..." "Because you're feeling lonely." "Lonely?" She looked somewhat dazed. "But I—everyone has always been lonely. That's what the books say: loneliness is the wings of freedom, and freedom shines through solitude..." Yaxiu took Freya by the hand, leading her to sit down beside him in the entryway, and said gently, "You weren't embracing solitude before; you were merely running from loneliness. But because you were young, the world was novel to you and life was interesting, so you could keep running ahead, outrunning it. "You watched Financier's speech too, didn't you? Do you know why he went searching for his descendants? Because loneliness finally caught up with him. He grew too old, the world lost its novelty, and his life dwindled into nothing but cold calculations. Faced with loneliness's relentless pursuit, he had nowhere left to hide. That's why he desperately needed another vessel to hold his loneliness—and nothing soothes the pain of loneliness quite like watching your own bloodline carry on. "What I did was forge a bond with you. When we're together, that bond dispels loneliness; once I leave, the other end of that bond connects directly to loneliness. That's why you feel pain—loneliness has caught up with you, and you can't run away anymore." Freya looked down at her beautifully manicured toenails and softly murmured, "You're so mean..." "In your eyes, I must seem like a terrible villain," Yaxiu said with a chuckle. "Actually, the way you were taught isn't wrong in its own logic—the Blood Moon's education really is intended 'for your own good.' As long as you never enter an intimate relationship and never form a bond with anyone, you will never be disappointed, never be lonely, and never be hurt. Because you never had it, you never fear losing it. "Still... I refuse to accept that kind of 'for your own good.'" Yaxiu beckoned to Xiaoxian. Once the cat trotted over, he held it up high, gazing at the spot where its balls used to be. "The pet shop neutered the cats before selling them to you because going into heat is uncomfortable, painful, and brings many complications. Neutering them was done 'for their own good.' "In my view, what the Blood Moon does to you is no different from neutering a cat. You're afraid to step into intimacy, and you're so timid you even tread carefully around marshmallows. While that certainly avoids a lot of potential hurt, it also strips away humanity's greatest capacity—the capacity to love. "Yet people aren't pets. At least... they shouldn't be. "I'm very glad, Freya," Yaxiu said, meeting the Veela's gaze. "You've learned how to love someone, and you know to resist loneliness instead of just running from it. That means I'm not the crazy one—this country is." "Yaxiu, you really are a cult leader through and through." Freya's smile was touched with sorrow. "Then what should I do?" "Don't resist entering intimate relationships. Take the initiative to seek new bonds—they could be friendships or romantic love. That way, you'll be able to resist loneliness," Yaxiu said. "Though the way you love still needs some tweaking. It's too extreme. You actually said you'd work to support me! Jumping all the way from 'complete self-absorption' to 'total dependence' makes it far too easy to get duped by scumbags. "Preserve your sense of self, and learn to love others. As long as you manage those two things, you can live well even in this mad country. Or at the very least, live more happily than everyone else." Freya gazed at him wistfully. "Can't you really let me come with you?" "It's not that I can't; I'd be very willing," Yaxiu said. "But that means casting aside over a decade's worth of achievements, risking becoming a wanted fugitive, giving up your impending degree, leaving a resource-rich university behind, walking away from the Blood Moon Country's mature sorcerer training system, and even abandoning the chance to become a mind sorcerer... Are you willing to do that?" The Veela froze. "We've only spent five days and four nights together. Compared to the decade and more you've invested in Kaimeng, that time is far too insignificant. In reality, I'm not that important to you; you're just acting on impulse. Of course, I'm delighted by that impulse—it means your feelings of love are sprouting." Yaxiu couldn't help smiling. "Speaking of which, I once invited someone else to come with me, and she turned me down quite decisively for practical reasons. Now you're offering to follow me, and here I am turning you down instead." Freya pouted, muttering, "You just crave what you can't have and look down on what's handed to you on a silver platter." "You're scolding me so harshly I'm starting to doubt my own noble character," Yaxiu said with a grimace. "Still, my stance hasn't changed. I can give you this choice, but only on the condition that you think it through. "I can be your regret, but I cannot be your ruin." Freya gathered Xiaoxian into her arms and sat limply on the floor, brooding for a long while. Finally, she said slowly, "So you toyed with me until I can never go back to who I was, and now you're just going to walk away?" After Yaxiu's gentle persuasion, she had calmed down a little. Becoming a mind sorcerer had always been her dream. Right now, love seemed bigger than the world, but only because she hadn't weighed the trade-offs rigorously—or rather, she hadn't wanted to weigh them. Yet once Yaxiu placed her dream and love on opposite sides of the scale before her, she could no longer run from it. Visible things were always important; invisible things could always be cast aside so easily. "You're lashing out so harshly all of a sudden, making me sound like a total scumbag. But I didn't actually do anything," Yaxiu said, half amused and half helpless. "Besides, it's not like I didn't compensate you... Didn't I give you a sorcery spirit?" He paused, then added, "If you can't find a new bond for the time being, you can look at the sorcery spirit and think of me. Longing can ease loneliness, and longing can nurture anticipation." Freya looked at the sympathy sorcery spirit inside the fluorescent sphere, and a sudden pang of heartache washed over her. "Were you being so good to me, doing so much over these past few days... really just out of sympathy?"