You Won't Even Call Me Dad

"Stop squirming, Lisi! Any more squirming and we're both going to wipe out!" On the highway leading out of Azula, the Funeral Agency crew was engaging in a wholesome, invigorating late-night cycling excursion. Yes, they were riding bicycles. After escaping Azula's core urban district—that is, the edge of the second-tier city—Annan had made everyone get out of the car and then set the hovercar free, letting it flee autonomously in the opposite direction. *Don't get caught by wicked humans again,* Yaxiu thought as he watched the hovercar speed away into the distance. There was no need for an explicit explanation; even Yaxiu understood the point of this move: driving any further would only expose their exact location, and the vehicle might even spontaneously blow up mid-drive. Although others couldn't directly pinpoint the location of Yaxiu and his companions under the Book of Gospel's confidentiality regulations, they could easily find ways to track their vehicle. Furthermore, every conveyance equipped with an automated operating system drew upon data analytics from the Book of Gospel. Before NTR enthusiasts like the Family Harmony Agency—who loved nothing more than taking over other people's beloved rides—becoming the cuckolded victim was only a matter of time. Switching vehicles had been inevitable. However, this was already the seventeenth century; far from just the Gospel Country, even the Blood Moon Country was pushing for automated transportation. Consequently, when they prepared to flee Azula, the only safe conveyance they could find was... bicycles. Besides single-seater bicycles, there were tandems and three-person models. On top of that, the light screen atop the bike shed had been playing footage of an orc-elf couple on a family outing. It was quite evident that these bikes were intended for suburban excursions, not for fleeing for one's life. Come to think of it, was the orc-elf pairing an officially endorsed model couple in the Gospel Country or something...? Thus, the scene turned thoroughly comical: everyone pedaling bicycles to escape the pursuit of the Red Hats and the agency, with Annan dressed in pajamas and Yaxiu clad in slippers... Fortunately, the highway outside the city's core district had little traffic at night. Otherwise, anyone who saw them would surely take them for some bizarre blended family. Yaxiu was responsible for carrying Lisi. Although there were bicycles for children, first, they were slow, and second... Lisi didn't know how to ride. So Lisi had no choice but to sit on Yaxiu's back seat. Yet she seemed to genuinely view this as an impromptu trip, restlessly wriggling back and forth. After scolding her, Yaxiu felt the little girl finally quiet down. Relieved, he took in the crisp night breeze and pondered their current situation. Without a doubt, the reason tonight had abruptly transitioned from a peaceful nine-to-five grind into a high-stakes escape plot was entirely because of him. Even though he hadn't done anything, his very existence had been stamped and certified by the Book of Gospel as a breach of public decency and order. Yaxiu still hadn't figured out why he had appeared on the Art Board, and as an artwork at that—he could only count his blessings that the creator was Annan and not Harvey. Although the Book of Gospel had hoisted his portrait to number one, looking for all the world like an obsessive fan, it was actually a hater masquerading as a fan. Even though the Book of Gospel hadn't written a single word about what Yaxiu had done, the nine preceding artworks explicitly foreshadowed a disaster befalling the Gospel Country, while the number one piece was a personal portrait. Anyone with an ounce of imagination wouldn't take Yaxiu for an innocent passerby tourist. He was either a savior angel or the root of all evil; there was no in-between. Evidently, Imperial Headquarters believed the latter. In truth, Yaxiu thought it was the latter as well—he hardly believed he had the mettle to save the world. That wasn't to say he truly believed he would accomplish some infamously villainous feat in the future; he simply felt his resume had been contaminated by Annan and the Everlasting Presence. Yes, the Everlasting Presence. Yaxiu still remembered that fellow traveler who didn't even know how to wipe after taking a dump. The new profession she had left him, 'Everlasting Walker,' was still active. Yaxiu strongly suspected that the primary reason he had made it onto the Art Board was that Everlasting Walker had finally kicked in, triggering a "Luck Check -50 at Critical Moments" and causing the Book of Gospel to designate him as the scourge of this world. It was like a project losing astronomical sums of money, where an enraged big boss wanted to pick an employee at random to fire and blow off steam, and arbitrarily pointed his finger at Yaxiu. Moreover, Annan was also heavily suspect. According to her, she had been embellishing Yaxiu and the others' resumes recently to interfere with the Book of Gospel's future-weaving. While the Book of Gospel was unlikely to believe it, what if it did? Well, that "what if" had arrived. God only knew if Annan had saddled him with something like: "A genius sorcerer who never admits defeat, burns with passion, excels at rallying companions, and dreams of world peace and mutual understanding among all people." If she truly gave him that kind of character persona, then Yaxiu really had it coming. But right now, Yaxiu had a more pressing issue to ponder. Namely, whether Annan would hand him over to save her own skin. Despite how swiftly Annan had fled, she actually had no real need to run. As long as she agreed to jointly exploit Igola and the others with the Family Harmony Agency, they would immediately become her backing. She had a way out. Yaxiu, however, had nowhere to retreat. Now that Imperial Headquarters had bought into the Book of Gospel's slander, genuinely believing a zero-star trash like Yaxiu could bring calamity upon this land, falling into the hands of the Red Hats would mean certain death. It wouldn't matter how much the Gospel Country preached human rights. Imprison him? Keep him locked up for a few years and he'd definitely harbor resentment and bring about disaster! Exile him? Banish him abroad and he'd certainly fester with grudge and take revenge on society! Once it was firmly established that Yaxiu's future would only yield catastrophe, any path leading into that future would be viewed as fuel for it. The only way to save Yaxiu was to ensure he had no future at all. If it were someone else, Yaxiu would gladly agree that sacrificing one person to bring happiness to ten million families was the right call. But since the one being sacrificed was himself, there was no way he'd go down without a fight. He had to prepare for the worst... *Click.* Yaxiu heard the distinct sound of a safety being clicked off, followed by something hard prodding him in the lower back. "...Are rebellious phases for kids this hardcore nowadays?" However, Yaxiu quickly realized the reason behind Lisi's drastic reaction—a hovercar was roaring toward them from behind, imposing an oppressive psychological burden on the fugitives. They were pedaling along the tree-lined path at the very edge of the highway. Even though it was night, the Gospel Country's infrastructure was simply too well-developed—a streetlamp every ten paces, leaving the highway as brightly lit as a graveyard in broad daylight. Yet Annan and the others made no sudden moves. Once the hovercar zoomed past, Banjie explained, "That was an express freight carrier, fully automated and unmanned. We haven't been spotted." "What about the dash cameras?" Igola asked. "If our movements were captured on film..." The primary reason Annan chose to flee the city rather than wage guerrilla warfare within Azula was the overwhelming number of surveillance cameras in urban areas. Rather than locking directly onto a target's location, both the Red Hats and agencies preferred consulting the Book of Gospel to examine surveillance feeds—after all, cameras didn't enjoy the high privacy classification of natural persons. As long as they left a trace on camera, anyone could spend a few points to obtain their last known location legally and by the book, as part of their civil rights. "That vehicle is bound for Omido, a second-tier city. Even with the Book of Gospel, people in Azula cannot cross municipal boundaries to pull surveillance data from Omido. By the time they discover our traces, it will be the day after tomorrow at the earliest." "By then, we'll already be in another city." Annan steered her bicycle onto a small trail beside the highway, and the group followed. Soon, they arrived at a hill—or rather, a mound—barely as tall as the fir trees flanking the highway. "This should be the place..." Annan signaled for everyone to dismount, then began searching around with Banjie. With a moment to spare, Yaxiu glanced at the handgun in Lisi's hands. "Where did you get that?" "Bought it on the Curtain," Lisi said. "The 'Childhood Fun Arms Bundle'! Besides ten boxes of regular bullets, it comes with a box of kitten bullets, a box of puppy bullets, and an ultra-rare box of Lalafell bullets! Only one out of ten bundles has it!" "What do special bullets do?" "They look pretty! Pew-pew-pew! If you shoot someone with them, they'll be happy too, right?" "A kid can actually buy a gun on the Curtain and get it delivered home... They're certainly more open than the Blood Moon in that regard." Yaxiu reached out and lowered her muzzle. "Remember never to point a muzzle at people. And your safety is off... Let me hold onto it." "No!" Lisi wore the defensive look of a little beast guarding its meal. She shook her head vehemently, clutching the handgun tight to her chest. "We... Lisi needs a handgun to protect herself!" "I'll protect you. Did you forget our contract—" "But you don't mean it, Dad." Yaxiu's outstretched hand was slapped aside. He blinked, the tacit rapport built over days of eating, drinking, and having fun shattering completely in that instant. A look of desolation crept across the white-haired girl's face. Looking down at her toes, she lowered her voice and said, "You actually hate me deep down, don't you? I was the one who forced you to sign a contract to protect me... Who would want a daughter who only ever brings trouble?" "If we hadn't run into danger, we could have kept playing father and daughter." She tightened her grip on the handgun. "But the game is over." Harvey and Igola glanced at them, then turned back to keep watch on the surroundings. Looking at the little hedgehog in front of him, Yaxiu didn't feel particularly surprised. Just as Lisi had said, theirs was an act from the beginning. Initially, Lisi only wanted to maintain a superficial father-daughter relationship to keep Annan off guard. It was just that recent days had been so peaceful—so peaceful that Yaxiu would subconsciously turn his head whenever he heard "Dad." The illusion of tranquil days had shattered; it was time to return to the life-and-death reality. That being said... Yaxiu squatted down in front of Lisi, bringing his eyes level with hers. "When you ask Aunt Bogin to braid your hair, be polite. The trick is to first braid an ugly, messy plait yourself, and then he won't be able to stand it and take over." "Mm." "If you want to play games, Banjie is the best choice, followed by Harvey. But when you look for Harvey, remember never to go into his room." "Mm." "And when you go to the Eldest Miss..." Lisi couldn't bear to listen any longer. She grabbed his sleeve, nervously tugging and twisting it. "Are you going to ignore me from now on?" Yaxiu raised an eyebrow. "Didn't you say the game was over? Then from now on, you and I are strangers. At most, bound by the contract, I'll step in to save you when you're in danger." "I didn't say it was over *forever*," Lisi mumbled. "Then what do you mean? It's 'Yaxiu' when something goes wrong and 'Dad' when everything is fine? You want to be comrades in arms when danger strikes, and father and daughter when things settle down?" Lisi squirmed uncomfortably, pouting as she said, "Can't I?" Yaxiu said, "You said yourself that I hate you, so why should I play along? You don't listen to me, so why should I listen to you?" A mist of tears welled in the little girl's eyes. She took out her little mirror and stared down into it in silence. After a moment, she held out the handgun with an aggrieved look. Yaxiu gave a tug, but she didn't let go; it took a firm yank to pull it from her grasp. Checking the handgun, he asked, "Have you ever trained in gunplay?" Lisi didn't answer, or rather refused to speak, sniffing quietly. Only when Yaxiu asked a second time did she shout sullenly, "No, I haven't!" "Mm—do you want to learn?" "Huh?" Lisi looked at Yaxiu in confusion. "You'll teach me?" "I haven't learned it either, so I can't teach you." Lisi fell silent, fixing Yaxiu with a look that clearly said, *Are you messing with me?* Yaxiu shrugged. "But we can learn from Banjie. Once we settle down, how about we both ask Banjie to teach us gunplay? I wonder if Banjie has a collection of 'gunplay techniques to teach my future kid someday'..." Remembering Banjie's entire cabinet of "games to play with my future kid," Lisi couldn't help letting out a giggle. "Brother Banjie might make us play gunplay games." Ejecting the round from the chamber and checking the safety, Yaxiu handed the handgun back to Lisi under her astonished gaze. "Unless it's an absolute, dire emergency, don't use this handgun. Even if you don't trust me, you should trust the contract. Anyone who wants to harm you will have to step over my dead body first." "...You're not confiscating it?" "You said earlier that I wasn't being sincere, but in truth, you're the one who has never shown genuine sincerity." Yaxiu reached out and ruffled little Lisi's hair. "You never believed that adults would protect you. You only trust yourself." "How pitiable," he murmured softly. "Just as pitiable as Igola and Harvey." Lisi started, then vigorously shook her head. "I'm not pitiable at all!" "Since you refuse to trust adults, keep the weapon to protect yourself. You're a smart girl, Lisi; I trust you know what's important." Yaxiu smiled. "But you're too smart for your own good, which is why you get things wrong sometimes." "What did I get wrong?" "You said that no one wants a daughter who only brings trouble. Factually, that's true." Seeing Lisi's spirits plummet, Yaxiu flicked her forehead. "But no child brings *only* trouble to adults." Yaxiu couldn't help recalling when he used to visit his hometown. His older brother would constantly complain about how mischievous and unruly his brat of a son was, urging his younger brother to give his nephew a few good beatings while he was visiting. His brother and sister-in-law lived with their parents, and with the boy sheltered by his grandparents, he strutted around like an unruly tyrant scuttling sideways like a crab. His brother had wanted to discipline him multiple times only to be stopped, leaving his brand-new Septwolves leather belt completely unused. Yet when the two of them sat down for late-night snacks and beers, his brother couldn't resist bragging about whatever competition his nephew had entered, proudly showing off photos from their family trips. And when his nephew had given him a Father's Day gift last time, his brother had been so thrilled he looked like someone who had just pulled an ultra-rare card in a gacha game. Even though Yaxiu had long since become a hardened corporate wage slave, seeing the uncontrollable joy on his brother's face had made him feel that warmth as if it were his own. "What do you mean?" Lisi rubbed her forehead, utterly bewildered. "It means you won't even call me Dad," Yaxiu said with a chuckle, rising to his feet. A title that used to roll off her tongue casually now made Lisi feel utterly bashful. She simply held fast to Yaxiu's sleeve, refusing to let go. "Found it." Following Banjie's joyful shout, an entrance suddenly appeared on the hillside, revealing a stairway descending underground. Everyone hurried inside, wheeling their bicycles. With their footsteps, lights along the stairway flickered on one after another, like a belated knock on the door awakening a sleeping master. When they reached the bottom, a fully equipped basement greeted them. "Finally, a chance to rest." Annan let out a long sigh of relief. She flopped onto a modular sofa, rolled around lazily a few times, and then sat up, announcing to everyone: "Welcome to my grandfather's tomb."