Why Wasn't It Me?!

"And that's how it is." Not long after dinner, everyone except the Swindler was gathered in Yaxiu's room. Annan seemed to have just taken a bath, wearing purple pajamas while eating pudding; Banjie was still clad in his timeless butler suit, looking as though he had clocked in for overtime; and Lisi, fresh from her bath as well, was having Yaxiu blow-dry her hair. "So you interrupted Alice's skincare routine over such a trivial matter?" Harvey complained. Everyone stared dumbfounded at the necromancer. Banjie pursed his lips tightly. Annan fingered her earring. Yaxiu's brows knitted tightly. Only Lisi couldn't resist opening her mouth, but the moment a single vowel escaped, Yaxiu clamped a hand over her lips. "First, I wash Alice's body with protein-coagulation preservative fluid, then apply a diluted Gallingen solution to maintain Alice's skin elasticity, and after that—" "Nobody asked you! Interrupt! Heavy strike! Prevent bounce back!" Yaxiu felt like throwing the hairdryer at him and snapped, "The topic right now is Igola. Discussions about Alice are forbidden!" "What's there to discuss about Igola?" Harvey casually scratched behind his ear. "Are you trying to ask what wedding gift we should give? I'm quite confident on that front: a pair of custom-made matching coffins crafted exclusively by a necromancer would blow your vulgar gifts out of the water in terms of both sincerity and value." "As for Lisi, I want Aunt Bogin to wear a wedding dress for the wedding," Lisi said. "As long as I can see that, Lisi will be satisfied. No other gifts needed." Banjie reminded her, "Lisi, a wedding gift is something we give them, not something they give us." Lisi shook her head. "I don't care! Lisi just wants to see Aunt Bogin wear a wedding dress! I wanna see it, I wanna see it!" "Lisi!" Yaxiu pressed down on the white-haired girl's head and said sternly, "The adults are discussing serious business. Stop causing a ruckus! Is that something that happens just because you want it to?" Annan nodded inwardly, thinking that Yaxiu could at least tell what was important. Then she saw Yaxiu summon his Book of Gospel, open it up, and display the catalog inside. "In my opinion, we should pool our money and directly custom-order a wedding dress for Igola as a wedding gift—" The eldest miss promptly yanked off her earring, transforming it into a submachine gun aimed right at Yaxiu. "Is your arterial blood looking to run away from home? Don't be shy; the Funeral Agency's primary business is transport." "Eldest Miss, let's talk this out nicely. If you're this abrupt, the Second Miss will get shy." Yaxiu and Lisi raised their hands in surrender together. "Get back on topic already." Annan turned the submachine gun back into an earring. "Do you think Igola will agree to this?" "You should ask, what reason does he have to refuse such an investment?" Harvey produced a skull from who knows where, fiddling with it in his hands. Yaxiu glanced at it. Whether it was just an illusion or not, he actually found a uniquely harmonious, natural aesthetic in that skull—much like finding an extraordinarily straight stick on the walk to elementary school that could serve as a sword. He shuddered and hurriedly hugged the warm, cozy Lisi, trying to resist this morbid dead-man charm. "Maybe Igola is fundamentally asexual..." "Didn't you mention before that Mr. Bogin possesses Veela blood?" Banjie said. "Although there don't appear to be Veelas in the Gospel Country, according to records, Veela blood should be completely insulated from frigidity, shouldn't it? Then again, it's also possible Mr. Bogin already has someone in his heart. Perhaps..." "So what if he has someone? Can't people change their minds? Do Swindlers come with a 'bonding to a master' mechanic that permanently locks their loyalty? Besides, since you're making assumptions like that, why not assume Igola is like me and doesn't care for living people, preferring chilled body temperatures instead?" Harvey grumbled sarcastically. "Or maybe assume Igola doesn't like money at all and just loves wandering around on dangerous adventures with us—that'd be more reasonable!" "In other words," Lisi concluded, "as long as Aunt Bogin is a normal person, he'll definitely agree to this deal." Everyone nodded. Even Annan couldn't refute it. It was mainly because the conditions Yifalin offered were simply too overwhelmingly generous. The premium on this deal was inflated to the point of driving anyone to lose their mind in an impulse purchase—that was the entire Berdette Conglomerate! An angel family! The sole ruler of Mengfeila! And masters of the unfathomable legacy of the Dominance Faction! Putting oneself in his shoes, if Igola accepted this deal, he would leap from a migrant laborer to a married-in son-in-law of House Berdette, marrying a fair, rich beauty, becoming CEO, wielding wealth rivaling nations, and reaching the pinnacle of life. An ordinary person might still wonder if they had the competence for it, but Igola was a Swindler. He might not have the ability to run a massive conglomerate like Berdette either, but he certainly had ways to turn Berdette's resources into his own personal fortune. "Lining one's pockets," "embezzlement and bribery," and "abusing power for private gain" were right in a Swindler's job description! Thinking more sinisterly, although the Swindler could never officially lead Berdette—since only his and Anfiel's offspring would be the legitimate heirs of Berdette—what if Anfiel mysteriously died after giving birth? Moreover, the current family head, Yifalin, was a "mere" Two-Winged Sorcerer. Perhaps Berdette's fortress could protect her, but if Igola became her "family," the Swindler would have far too many ways to murder his sister-in-law. As for whether Igola would actually do such a thing... Don't forget that when Yaxiu first met Igola, he had nearly been bled dry to the bone and marrow by that handsome blond Veela! And the most irresistible point of all: Yifalin would also find a way to dissolve Igola's contract with Annan! As heirs to the Dominance Faction who had elevated contracts into an art form and an industry, House Berdette's promise via Yifalin was thoroughly trustworthy—if for no other reason than the risk: what if Annan used the contract to control Igola and steal Berdette's wealth? Even solely for her own self-interest, Yifalin would never let Igola remain Doran's hound. Yet Igola had explicitly stated he would sign no contract with Berdette. Thus, the soft rice Yifalin offered was not only sweet and tender, but she was even having her younger sister feed it right to Igola's mouth. The service was so attentive it felt like Igola was the one paying for it! The more Yaxiu thought about how Berdette had gone to such lengths to poach their companion, the angrier he grew. Slapping his thigh in indignation, he wailed in anguish, "Why wasn't it me?!" "Ah!" Lisi, equally furious, struck Yaxiu's chin with a vicious punch. "Papa, hit your own! Why did you slap my thigh?!" "Still, Yaxiu makes a fair point," the young butler mused. Yaxiu nodded vigorously. "Right? Exactly! Why do I have to mop floors and clean up while Igola gets to sit in a garden on a matchmaking date with a pretty, cute, innocent girl? It's not fair! Why did that midget offer Igola such a great deal, but when it came to me, all she did was use Annan's—" As if slamming on an emergency brake, Yaxiu ground to an instant halt and clamped his mouth shut. But it was too late—the figure of the girl in purple pajamas had already vanished from his sight. Replacing it was a hard, cold texture pressing into his lower back. "The one caressing your lower back right now is my sister, Second Miss Donna—whose mother is Absolute Blade Mechanical Works—and her specialty is giving massages with nine-millimeter pieces of metal. If I were you, I'd spit out whatever you just swallowed back down. Tomorrow's you will thank today's you for making a wise decision." At some point, Annan had climbed onto the bed behind Yaxiu, delivering a dead-serious declaration of intimidation. However, everyone except Yaxiu could see that her earring was still dangling fine and well from her ear. What she held in her hand was merely a metal spoon, pressing its handle against Yaxiu's lower back. Even though he didn't know the threat was a bluff, Yaxiu knew all too well the rule of 'leniency to confessors, severity to resisters'—and that confessing was bound to be even more severe. He clamped his mouth shut and resisted to the bitter end. "Speak! What of mine did Yifalin use to tempt you?!" "The key to your room! But I, the upright and righteous Yaxiu, naturally refused such a depraved transaction!" "Who are you trying to fool? All the doors here are iris-scanner automatics! What keys?! Speak!" "Actually, it was a hypnotic spray specially formulated for you! But I, the pure-hearted Yaxiu, naturally rejected such a shameless temptation!" "If Yifalin could hypnotize sorcerers, she would have turned us into her dogs long ago! Wait, if you're even making up hypnotic spray, that means the baseline of whatever Yifalin offered was even lower than that! Tell me nicely and I won't get mad at you. After all, the culprit is Yifalin, not you." "Could you let go of me first before saying that?!" Watching Annan lock Yaxiu's neck in a cross collar choke as they scuffled on the bed, aside from Harvey who continued to polish his beloved skull, Lisi and Banjie both wore strange expressions—since when had those two become so close? Just then, Lisi glanced at her newly acquired mirror glove, then charged straight forward and leaped onto Yaxiu, forcefully separating the two overgrown kids who had wrestled until they were sweating. "Owwwww~~~" Annan stopped immediately. "Did I hit Lisi?" Yaxiu quickly sat up to check on her. "Are you alright? Where were you hit?" "Lisi" timidly raised her hand. "I think I twisted my wrist..." "That's not so bad." Yaxiu breathed a sigh of relief, sending a 'Joy Sword' straight into her wrist and gently rubbing the joint. "A minor injury like this will heal in no time." "Mm!" "Lisi" buried herself in Yaxiu's chest, rubbing against his warmth like a spoiled bear cub. With things having come to this, Annan could hardly keep roughhousing with Yaxiu. But just as she stepped away, out of the corner of her eye, she caught the corners of "Lisi's" mouth curving upward slightly, peeking at her with playful, mocking eyes—the very picture of a dark, scheming version of the white-haired girl. Yet when Annan looked back, "Lisi" was nestled face-down in Yaxiu's embrace, her face completely hidden. An optical illusion? Or had she been affected by Yifalin? Was there some large-scale miracle here that influenced minds and created hallucinations? As Annan sat back down, filled with suspicion, Banjie returned to the main topic. "If Miss Yifalin had offered such a deal to Mr. Harvey or Yaxiu, I would be surprised, but I could understand it. However, her choice was Mr. Bogin, and that is what puzzles me."