I Really Did Lose the First Half of My Life

"You're living at Felix's house right now?!" Sonia was utterly dumbfounded. Even the Witch's earlier revelation that she had been Yaxiu's daughter just a few months ago hadn't packed as much shock as this news. She deliberated for quite a while, seemingly searching her mind for lines suitable for the moment, before finally choking out, "Are you insane?" "Don't you think it's a brilliant idea?" Yaxiu asked, somewhat baffled. "We were still wondering how to find a foothold in Jialesi when Felix showed up. It's like having just prepped the vinegar when a Lalafell drops right from the sky!" Diya thought about it. "If I remember correctly, isn't Felix that cultist who was trying to persuade Sword Princess to join the Four Pillar Cult?" "That's precisely what makes it genius!" Yaxiu said. "No normal person would ever take in three wanted Sanctuary fugitives, and I don't want to drag innocent people into this. The Starry Kingdom leaves no room for compromise when it comes to outland travelers like us, but the Starry Kingdom won't tolerate the Four Pillar Cult either! "While making contact with the Four Pillar Cult has its risks, compared to the Starry Kingdom, a Four Pillar Cult that operates like an exclusive private club is at most a petty underworld workshop. We might have extensive experience in 'making enemies of the whole world,' but we're just as seasoned when it comes to 'making enemies of the Four Pillar Cult.' Since we rarely get to choose our difficulty level, of course I'd pick the easy mode: the Four Pillar Cult. "Besides, do you think we're afraid of the Four Pillar Cult, or is the Four Pillar Cult afraid of us?" Yaxiu spread his hands. "If they insist on crossing us and the three of us Sanctuary sorcerers cause a ruckus, the worst-case scenario is merely that we lose our precious lives—whereas the Four Pillar Cult would be exposed to the Starry Kingdom and eradicated root and stem! "The Four Pillar Cult keeps a low profile in the Starry Kingdom, meaning hiding is their specialty. And we happen to need a local power to help us stay hidden. This is a match made in heaven—a total win-win!" Diya tilted her head. "How is it a win-win?" Yaxiu flashed a peace sign. "The Four Pillar Cult helps conceal our tracks—that's one win. We gross out the Four Pillar Cult, and maybe even get a chance to frame them—that's winning twice." Yaxiu's decision hadn't just been some whim pulled out of thin air. Even if he acted on impulse, Igola was right there keeping an eye on him. Coercing Felix to exploit the Four Pillar Cult had indeed won the unanimous approval of the fugitive trio. After all, when going up against local state machinery, the natural choice was a local criminal organization with plenty of experience resisting authority. And reasonably speaking, after tangling with the Four Pillar Cult in the Senluo Wasteland for so long, they had long since been disillusioned by them. They had fought their way through the Senluo Four Pillars—who ruled half the wasteland—seven times in and seven times out. Could they really not afford to mess with the underperforming Starry Four Pillars? *Us giving you trouble is us thinking highly of you, Starry Four Pillars—don't be ungrateful!* There was another point, though Yaxiu and the others hadn't voiced it and never would admit it: they all felt they couldn't avoid the Four Pillar Cult anyway, so taking the initiative to knock on their door was better than constantly worrying about when the shoe would drop. Yaxiu in the Blood Moon, the Everlasting Presence in Gospel, the Mercury Trojan in Senluo... If someone claimed their arrival in the Starry Kingdom wouldn't involve the Four Pillar Cult, probably not even the ever-cautious Igola would believe it. Of course, the most crucial factors were their strength as Sanctuary sorcerers and their bizarre, legendary experiences. After all, they were travelers who had broken out of prison in the Blood Moon, confronted gospel sorcerers in the Yisu Imperial Palace, and witnessed a god destroying the world in the wasteland. Few legendary sorcerers in this world could boast experiences richer than theirs. In the past, they might not have dared to exploit the Four Pillar Cult, but having personally taken part in so many monumental events—where Yaxiu had slain a god, Harvey had killed a legend, and Igola had overcome a feeler—how could they possibly fear a mere Four Pillar Cult? "But why didn't you come looking for me?" Sonia shook her head. "You know I'm a second-year student at Sword Flower University. You didn't need to use Felix at all." "Don't you live in a dorm?" Yaxiu smiled faintly. "Did you want to hide me in your dorm bed? Would your roommates agree to that?" "I could get a hotel room!" Sonia said. "It's not like I lack money. Even if you needed a more discreet hideout, I could've thought of something and found one for you." Yaxiu smiled. "I know you mean well, but harboring us is a serious crime, and we don't want to implicate innocent people. Someone like Felix is different. For us, if we can drag the Four Pillar Cult into trouble, nothing could be better..." "I'm not innocent." Yaxiu froze. He looked up, meeting the deep, limpid pool of Sword Princess's autumn-water eyes, and suddenly felt his throat go dry. "What was your original plan?" she asked. "Tonight, you didn't actually intend to tell me you arrived in the Starry Kingdom, did you?" The atmosphere suddenly grew solemn. Yaxiu fell silent for a moment, then lowered his eyelids and said slowly, "I wanted to see how things went first." "See what?" "See what your attitude was," Yaxiu said. "For instance, discussing my plans after arriving in the Starry Kingdom with you in the Void Realm. If you really wanted to stay in the Starry Kingdom, couldn't let go of everything here, and the Starry Kingdom couldn't tolerate an outsider like me... then once I found a way to leave the Starry Kingdom, I would meet you once." Sonia asked, "Only once?" "Not necessarily," Yaxiu shrugged. "Maybe a second or third time... But I wouldn't make you choose, and I wouldn't ask you to give anything up. "Actually, I already regret it. I was bewitched by your beauty just now and couldn't stop myself from blabbing." He bowed his head, closed his eyes, and whispered, "The right thing to do would have been to keep it hidden to the very end and leave without ever meeting you... You're too impulsive, Sword Princess. But then again, so am I." Sonia felt a surge of anger shoot straight from the soles of her feet to her head. "Right, it's all my impulsiveness. But you didn't want to keep your promise, you arrived in the Starry Kingdom without letting me know right away, and you'd rather lodge with Felix than ask for my help—does that make you seem so very prudent?" "When I said impulsive, I meant wanting to leave the Starry Kingdom with me," Yaxiu said. "That is the future I most want to avoid." "Not long ago, you said you trusted me and wouldn't interfere with my future, and now it's your turn to lecture me and dictate my decisions?" Sonia pursed her lips tightly, clearly beside herself with anger. "Do you want me to call you Papa too?!" Diya shouted, "Hey!" "I think it's my fault," Yaxiu said. "In daily life, I told you all about those earth-shattering, life-and-death adventures, while your reality was nothing but dull studying and cultivating. Perhaps I unintentionally made you yearn for life-on-the-line adventures, made you long for a life beyond campus... and that's why you feel you could bear the cost of leaving the Starry Kingdom." Sonia's shoulders trembled, a mist of tears welling in her eyes. "You're saying this is just a passing whim to me—you have no idea what preparations I've made, or how much resolve I've mustered!" "I know—" "You don't! You think I'm some flighty, fickle, ignorant girl, or some fool obsessed with romance dramas. You're just presuming I'll definitely regret it in the future—" "I'm not presuming you'll regret it; I know that *I* will definitely regret it!" Looking at Sonia, Yaxiu took a deep breath and said, "It's because I can't bear the weight of what you'd sacrifice." Both Sonia and Diya froze. "If you gave up everything to elope with me to another kingdom, how could I not want that? How could I not love that? I'd love nothing more than for us to fly away tomorrow, spending day and night together, ideally going on a honeymoon for a few years with the Witch too." Holding his forehead, Yaxiu spoke in a tone bordering on self-abandonment: "But you're not me, and you're not Igola or Harvey. You're not like us footloose travelers. You have family, you have friends, you have a career." Yaxiu glanced at Diya. "My home is in Gospel, in the Yisu Imperial Palace. But your home, Sword Princess, is in the Starry Kingdom, in Jialesi. You already have so many important things in your life, and I am only one of them." "But I know what matters most to me," Sonia said softly. "You don't need to worry. Whatever I give, I'll definitely get back from you tenfold, a hundredfold. When have you ever seen me take a loss? You don't have to worry about not being able to pay me back." "Even if you gave up nothing at all, I'd still give you tenfold, a hundredfold," Yaxiu smiled. "I would give all the best things to you..." Catching Diya's wide, expectant gaze, Yaxiu blinked. "...all." "Then what's the problem?" Sonia spread her hands. "I give up the first half of my life to gain the second half." "That is the biggest problem," Yaxiu said. "I can't bear to let you sacrifice the first half of your life, nor can I accept it." "Why must you make such a fuss?" "Because I really did lose the first half of my life." Meeting their bewildered stares, Yaxiu exhaled a long breath. "In the past, I had parents and a brother, I had friends, and I had a career... Although my life now is wonderful, and I've met you all and gained so very much, I still left many precious things behind in the past. "Yet I can't go back. Perhaps I'll never be able to go back." Yaxiu looked up and met Sonia's eyes, speaking with earnest gravity. "Your life shouldn't contain only a single important thing. Beautiful things like parents, friends, and a career are essential parts of who you are. I love the Sword Princess who brags to me about what achievements she's unlocked, I love the Sword Princess who tells me what furniture she ordered for her mother today, and I love the Sword Princess who roasts her roommates with sharp, witty words. "Beyond the tenfold and hundredfold I can give you, you deserve to embrace an even brighter future. "I don't want you to experience the sorrow of losing your past, and even less do I want to become that sorrow." The more Yaxiu spoke, the more smoothly the words came, and the firmer his resolve grew. "I'll meet with you in the Starry Kingdom, but I will never take you away from here. Even if you come to hate me, it doesn't matter—I will definitely slip away quietly." Sonia closed her eyes, shook her head slowly, and let out a gentle sigh. "That's so unfair," she said. "You know full well I could never hate you."