“Sure.”
“We'll see when the time comes.”
“I don't really want to travel. Can I just stay in the hotel?”
“Really? That's awesome, I've wanted to ditch those two idiots for ages.”
For Yaxiu, perfunctory replies were as plentiful as could be. After all, Sonia's invitation had been so delicate and tactful that he could easily pretend she was talking about a simple vacation. Besides, this was hardly the time or place for a long, leisurely heart-to-heart. The angel hunt might end at any moment, and she might be sent back the very next second. As long as he brushed it off, he could keep running from the issue.
A hemp rope always snapped at its weakest point, and the blameless party was always the first to be hurt.
Yet Yaxiu could not bring himself to do it.
He could not pretend not to see the plea and sorrow in the girl's eyes. She was like a plastic bag tumbling along the road in the wind, questioning whether all it held inside was breeze that nobody wanted.
She was not a straightforward person by nature. She was articulate, quick-witted, mischievous, and possessed a slightly sharp tongue. But when it came to feelings, she was far braver than he was—bold, relentless, and uninhibited. When she was happy, even her eyebrows seemed to smile; when she disliked something, her lips pouted enough to hang a kettle on; when she grew angry, she cried in frustration; and whatever she desired, she held onto with a death grip.
Like right now. Her arms were wrapped around him so tightly that Yaxiu felt that unless he cut himself in half at the waist, he would never escape her embrace. It was as though she would hack down anyone who dared harm him—and if Yaxiu dared run, she would break his scoundrel legs too.
A girl bold enough to take a bite out of a Divine Lord was now carefully, gingerly testing his true feelings with an indirect question.
Even more heart-wrenching than the question was the way she looked at him.
*Choose only me.*
*Can you?*
“I can't.”
Yaxiu gently shook his head. “I can't abandon the Witch.”
“I'm not asking you to abandon her,” Sonia said in a rush, as though trying to stuff his words back down his throat. “We can still meet on Ruby Mountain. When we get tired of other countries, we can go back to Gospel to rest. We can see each other in the Void Realm almost every night, and in reality every month...”
“Just as I know what you mean, you surely know what I mean too.” Yaxiu gently rested the back of his hand against her cheek, feeling the cross-shaped scar that belonged to Dead Frenzy.
He said solemnly, “I love the Black and White Witch, Lisdia, too.”
The words struck like the fiercest curse, instantly draining the strength from Sonia's spine. Yet she did not collapse against him. Instead, she pushed against his chest with both hands. This time, it was Yaxiu who grabbed her by the shoulders, refusing to let her pull away.
She kept her head down, her red hair—reeking of blood and carnage—falling forward to veil her face like that of a vengeful wraith.
In that instant, Yaxiu suddenly could not tell whether she was Sonia or Niya.
When she lifted her head, what kind of gaze would she turn upon him? Hatred? Resentment?
“Just a moment ago, you used that very mouth to say you liked me.”
“I did.”
“No matter how formidable I become, no matter how great my achievements are, there will always be people calling me a country girl from the boonies, ill-mannered and vain.” She suddenly gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Is it because I'm not perfect that I can't have perfection? Because I'm not the best, I can't have the best?”
“Of course not. It's just that there's no such thing as a perfect person in this world, nor is there a single best person,” Yaxiu said softly. “But in my heart, you are perfect, and you are the best. Even the sound of your voice when you're cursing someone is adorable.”
“And the Witch too?”
“Of course.”
“You jerk!” Sonia clenched her fist and hammered it against his chest, striking once with every pause. “Could—you—not—just—lie—to—humor—me?!”
This was no playful tap of affection; she was striking with genuine force. Even though she was currently inhabiting a mortal body, Yaxiu was already covered in wounds, and after a few blows, he actually coughed up a mouthful of blood. Yet he felt much better inside, even unable to hold back a laugh, as though the bad blood clogging his lungs had finally been knocked free.
“Still laughing, still laughing, still laughing! What are you laughing at, you jerk!” Sonia could not help but snap, though she stopped hitting him. Heart aching, she used her sleeve to wipe away the dark blood at the corner of his mouth. “I hate people like you the most. And the second thing I hate most is myself for still going soft on you.”
“See? You really are adorable.”
“You jerk,” Sonia lowered her head, resting her forehead gently against his chest. “You say with your mouth that you like me, yet you make me so sad.”
“Because I really am not a perfect or best person.”
“No, you are.” She shook her head, nuzzling against Yaxiu's chest like a cat. “To me, you are the perfect, best person too.”
“Ever since I was little, I never believed in love. Other girls liked watching romantic melodramas about tragic, all-consuming devotion, but I only liked Daedalus's heroine dramas. I thought I would never love anyone in the future—at most, I'd marry for convenience and status. I wanted to climb step by step to the very top, and something as fragile as love would only be a weakness. And in truth, I never liked anyone. The people around me either lusted after me or just wanted to use me.”
“In the beginning, I only wanted to use you too,” Yaxiu said.
“I know, so did I.” A trace of a smile tinged Sonia's voice. “When you forced me to train to become a sword sorcerer and adventured with you through the Void Realm, I was ecstatic. In my head, I plotted that as soon as I became famous and successful, I'd kick you to the curb and go enjoy my life. At most, I'd find a chance to pay you back a bit—there was no way I was going to tie my life to yours. Back then, my greatest wish was for you to become completely infatuated with me so I could use you to my heart's content.”
“When did you change your mind?”
“And when did you stop just wanting to use me?”
Sonia raised her head, tears welling in her eyes. “The funny thing is, by the time you really fell for me, I had already become willing to give up everything for you.”
“You are the sweetest blessing of my life, and its cruelest curse.”
Yaxiu cradled her face, brushing away her tears with his thumbs, then held her in his arms without saying a word.
He should have changed the subject. Right now, Weixi and the other demons were fighting over the angel's remains, and the danger was far from over. All he needed to do was say, “Let's go snatch the angel,” and he could redirect everyone's attention to the main objective.
Yet he also should have loved only one person.
It was precisely because beings harbored desires they shouldn't that sorcerers existed in this world, and why there were so many sorcerer's handbooks filled with regret.
Suddenly, Sonia asked through her sobs, “Can you really not give up the Witch and love only me?”
“I can't.”
“Then can you give up on me and love only the Witch?”
Yaxiu thought about it seriously. “I can't bring myself to let you go. And I don't think you can let me go either. Even if you cast me aside, I'd still pester you for the rest of my life.”
Sonia flared up all of a sudden. “Then what on earth do you want?!”
“What do you want? Tell me!”
“Tell me...”
“Tell me...”
Her voice grew lower and lower, so aggrieved that she seemed torn between hacking Yaxiu to death and killing herself. She was not even afraid of the Divine Lord of Stars; she was bold enough to accept the Four Pillar Gods' appointment; even when her romantic rival was the Gospel Empress, not a shred of her pride had been diminished. Yet here she was, showing her most vulnerable side before a man.
Even though the person she detested most in the world was her weak, cowardly mother.
“I'm searching for an answer too. Maybe I'll be able to tell you the next time we meet,” Yaxiu said. “Or maybe I'll spend my entire life and never find it.”
“So I deserve to squander my whole life on you?” Sonia asked.
“You can't blame me for that; it's clearly your fault.” Yaxiu shook his head. “You should have chopped me down back in the Void Realm. Then we would never have been tangled up together.”
“Look at you now. You clearly should have hacked me to pieces and gone on to live your own legendary life, yet you couldn't bring yourself to do it. So whose fault it is should be obvious.”
Sonia burst into laughter through her tears, wiping them away with her wrist. “Yes, yes, yes. If I could do it over, I would definitely hack you to pieces, you jerk.”
“Next time, let's be sworn mortal enemies who fight to the death.”
Yaxiu smiled faintly. “Or maybe, even if we did it all over again, we would still end up like this.”
Seeing the dazzling smile bloom across Sonia's face, Yaxiu's heart suddenly skipped a beat, clutched by a tight grip. It was an uncanny intuition, just like the way he could always tell when Igola was lying.
“After you leave, if anyone asks, you have to say you confessed first,” Sonia said. “That's what I've been telling everyone out there anyway, so don't you dare embarrass me.”
“Huh? Was it me? But the way I remember it—”
“I don't care if it was or wasn't. From now on, it's you!”
“All right, all right.” Yaxiu shrugged helplessly. “Whatever you say.”
Sonia continued, “Also, I think I'm smarter than you. I've thought about this for a long time, and I realized there has only ever been one answer from the very beginning. So no matter how hard you search, that's the only answer you'll ever find.”
“The answer that wrongs me, wrongs the Witch, and perhaps others too.” She gazed steadily at Yaxiu. “But I'm not willing to wrong the Witch, and I'm even less willing to wrong myself.”
“So...”
“Let's break up, okay?”
After a moment of silence, Yaxiu answered:
“Whatever you say.”
Chapter 840