Let Me Touch Your Holy Grail

"Yaxiu," Feili asked suddenly, "is there really nothing we can do?" "At least for now, all we can do is protect ourselves," Yaxiu said softly. "There will always be disasters we cannot see, and moments when we are powerless." *Bang!* As they drew closer to the building, the sniper grew increasingly frantic. But with them weaving through the covered arcade, the bullets usually had to punch through walls first, making it far harder to inflict damage on them. *Boom!* An explosion suddenly rocked the upper floors, jolting Yaxiu and the others so violently that they stumbled. The sniper had stopped shooting at them, aiming instead at the residential building's gas pipes! *Boom! Boom! Boom!* Along with the upper floors, cars stopped in the adjacent lane had their fuel tanks pierced and detonated one after another! While this hindered the Legion monsters from attacking Yaxiu and his companions, the sweeping shockwaves and tremors took an even heavier toll on them. Now they couldn't leave the arcade—outside was a roadway jammed with cars, which in the sniper's eyes were just a field of triggerable explosive devices. Their only option was to keep charging forward until they reached the skyscraper where the sniper was perched! Just as they were about to fight their way to the end, Yaxiu suddenly felt a tug at his sleeve. He turned back to find Feili covering her mouth in tears. Following her gaze, Yaxiu saw the open door of a car up ahead, where a little girl lay unconscious on the ground. She must have stepped out of the vehicle right when the golden holy grail descended. Barring any miracle, by the time Yaxiu and the others passed nearby, the sniper would detonate that car's fuel tank, blowing it to pieces. Thoughts raced through Yaxiu's mind. Exhaling a breath of turbid air, he shouted, "Cover me!" With that, he sprinted ahead into the horde of monsters. Weixi cursed under her breath but had no choice but to follow. Niya shot Feili a pointed glare. Feili froze for a second, then wiped away her tears, gripped her short sword tightly, and stepped in to take over Yaxiu's tactical position. As if sensing Yaxiu and the others picking up speed, the sniper also accelerated the pace of detonating vehicles. Seven paces away from the little girl, Yaxiu dropped into a slide, slipping right beneath a corpse wolf, scooped the child into his arms, and rolled aside. *Boom!* The blast behind him sent stinging pain across Yaxiu's back. As he skidded to a halt on the ground, he saw a barbell bar and a longsword parrying the corpse wolf's claws for him. He kicked open the glass door of an adjacent bakery, shoved the little girl inside, and stood up panting. "You all did great." "I... I didn't mean to..." Feili lowered her head, biting her bottom lip hard. Her hands gripped the hilt so tightly that her skin was nearly raw and bleeding, the blade pointing toward her own throat as if about to plunge in. Her voice cracked with tears. "...I'm sorry. Really, I'm truly sorry..." "It's not your fault," Yaxiu said casually. "I didn't save her to please you, just as earlier I didn't worry about your safety just because you're 'special.' I'm acting according to my own heart. "Don't look at me like that, Weixi. I know you look down on me, and even Igola probably thinks I'm an idiot. But I'm different from you guys. From the very beginning, we never shared the same worldview." "Oh, Master, of course you're not an idiot," Weixi chuckled teasingly. "You're just a lunatic. That's why you spout crazy nonsense and do crazy things." Yaxiu made a mental note to spank her bottom next time she had her period and couldn't control her temper. "Feili, you must have sensed it over the past month, right? You're a clever girl who's sensitive to other people's emotions." Yaxiu continued, "People like us, myself included... none of us treat the people here as real human beings. Then again, maybe our bunch was never good people to begin with." Feili said anxiously, "But you're not like that, Yaxiu! You donate money—" "That's only because I don't care," Yaxiu said. "I don't care about this world, and the people I care about aren't here. To me, this world is nothing more than a drifting illusion. I'm a traveler destined to leave, unable to take anything with me, so naturally I don't care about anything here." Niya watched Yaxiu thoughtfully, while Feili pressed her lips together in silence. "But when I saw you in danger, I realized that I still do care. There is no line dividing the illusory and the real. If I had to stay here for the rest of my life while the people I hold dear were in another world, would that other world become fake to me? No. "The size of my world is defined only by where the people I care about are, and where the people who care about me are. "More importantly," Yaxiu's eyes were clear and resolute, "if I deny you all, it would be equivalent to denying the tempestuous life I've lived up to now. Even though there are many times when I'm powerless, I'm still willing to do whatever is in my power to help the people of this world. "Doing this is both to acknowledge you, and to acknowledge them." Feili and the others couldn't fully comprehend Yaxiu's words. Perhaps no one in this world could, except for the Observer who had once walked beside Yaxiu in the Abyss of Twins. To Igola and the others, the Nation of Stars was an ephemeral illusion. But to Yaxiu, wasn't the sorcerer world just another kind of illusion? Sorcery spirits, sorcerers, the Void Realm, the Four Pillar Cult, *Aurora's Sorcerer Handbook*... Immediately after transmigrating, he had been thrown into prison, then promptly went on adventures in the Void Realm with beautiful girls, and down the road might even form impure, messy romantic relationships with those beautiful girls only to end up chopped in half—it was thrilling just thinking about it. Ever since entering the Nation of Stars, Yaxiu had felt an inexplicable dread. It wasn't until his conversation with Weixi today and the arrival of the second Angel Hunt that he understood the root of his unease: the Nation of Stars was too real, just as real as the sorcerer world, yet he knew with absolute clarity that the Nation of Stars was merely an illusion. Yaxiu was afraid that the sorcerer world would turn into an illusion as well. He hadn't been afraid originally, because he didn't care about the sorcerer world—he hadn't even cared whether he lived or died. Even if he tried to practice the traditional virtue of 'since I'm already here, I might as well make the best of it' to blend into this world, the harsh reality he encountered and his longing for his loved ones back home had left him as lonely as a homeless wandering soul. He, Igola, and Harvey were actually the same kind of people. Why would any normal person risk near-certain death to break out of prison? He had felt as light as a balloon, tethered to the ground by nothing more than a fragile thread that could snap at any moment. Later, Sword Princess became the thread tethering him, followed by Lisi, Witch, Annan, Igola, Harvey, Tamashi, Youlan Weise... It was they who made Yaxiu acknowledge the sorcerer world. Now, Feili, Rose, and even Niya were making Yaxiu acknowledge the Nation of Stars. Even if it was destined to shatter, Yaxiu would not deny the meaning of their existence, just as he would no longer doubt whether Sword Princess and Witch were fake. *To love someone is to wish them life; to hate someone is to wish them death.* In plain terms: I save whoever the hell I want to save, and I care about whoever the hell I want to care about. I'm going to treat illusions as my friends, and I just can't turn a blind eye to this world's suffering. If you two bad seeds, Weixi and Igola, have a problem with it, shut up and act dumb like Harvey! If Weixi looked down on him, so be it. Once they left the Nation of Stars and Yaxiu distributed all the seventh wings of void he had reaped to Sword Princess and Witch, Weixi would undoubtedly jump out and mock him anyway. Was he supposed to listen to her bullshit then, too? Thinking of this, Yaxiu glared at Weixi. Not in the least intimidated, Weixi stuck her tongue out at him and smashed the head of a gryphon in front of them with her bar. "Then... in the future, will we save more people?" Feili asked timidly. "Of course, I'm not demanding it. I just hope... just..." Niya rolled her eyes so hard it was practically audible. Weixi glanced at Yaxiu, her face dripping with subtle malice. Yaxiu plunged his short sword into a wolf beast's throat, thought for a moment, and said earnestly, "Within my power, I will do my best to spare everyone from suffering." "I believe you," Feili said softly. She paused, then suddenly asked, "Can I touch your holy grail?" Yaxiu froze for a moment, then nodded. Feili reached out, intending to touch the holy grail floating beside Yaxiu. But just as she was about to touch it, she suddenly pulled her hand back. "No," she said, her eyes curving as a faint smile touched the corners of her mouth. "There's no need anymore."