Toying with the Yamen Runners

According to research from Pill Cauldron Peak, eating meat buns over a prolonged period caused nutritional imbalances and hindered physical development. To improve the yamen runners' diet, the kindhearted Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou decided to do something about it. That morning, the industrious Master Lu and Master Meng resolved to pack up all the meat buns and take them away, forcing the runners to eat vegetarian meals for balanced nutrition, while also urging them to exercise more, jog often, and limber up their muscles and bones. The yamen runners gladly accepted the two experts' advice, expressing their determination to closely follow in their footsteps, catch up with them as soon as possible, and thank them in person. The two experts were by no means mere armchair theorists. To prove the feasibility of their health theories, they personally took to the field to run. Deeply moved, the yamen runners also began jogging to build up their bodies, running through the entire morning. Convinced that the experts' advice was spot-on, the yamen runners helped spread the two experts' renown free of charge. Before long, their shouts echoed across the entire town. "Stop right there if you have the guts!" "You two bastards, I swear I won't beat you to death!" "If you aren't eating the meat buns, why the hell did you take them?!" Beside themselves with fury, the yamen runners chased relentlessly after Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou. Not daring to let the runners catch up, Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou bolted, leaving the yamen runners eating their dust. As he ran, Lu Yang said, "The rules really didn't lie! Look how dangerous these yamen runners are. We barely did anything and they're hot on our heels. We definitely can't let them catch us." Meng Jingzhou wholeheartedly agreed. "Tell me about it! Good thing we're in the Foundation Establishment stage. Anyone else would've been run down long ago." The yamen runners tried taking detours to cut them off, but the two had already familiarized themselves with the town layout, so cornering them was completely impossible. The two led the yamen runners on a chase from morning until night fell. Toward the end, the runners clearly could barely run anymore, each gasping for breath and staggering on unsteady feet. When the hour of Hai arrived, the two carried the meat buns back to the inn. The yamen runners glared viciously at them before reluctantly returning to the government office. According to the Buyi Town Yamen Runner Rules, between the hours of Hai and Chen, they had to remain inside the government office. The two felt a little disappointed. They had made plenty of preparations in the inn; had the yamen runners entered, it surely would have given them quite a surprise. What a pity. On the fifth day at the hour of Si, the usually indolent yamen runners arrived at the eatery right on time. In the past, they would arrive a quarter of an hour late, waiting until a crowd had gathered before popping out suddenly to terrify people—or snap a neck if they were lucky. This time, to ensure they got meat buns, they changed their habit. Having run all day yesterday without getting a single meat bun, they were already starving. They hurried over ahead of time to gorge themselves before those two wicked scoundrels could pull any tricks. Halfway through their meal, they saw Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou leisurely emerge from the inn. "You still dare show your faces before us!" Remembering yesterday, fury surged within the yamen runners. No matter what, they were going to seize these two! Lu Yang said unhurriedly, "I advise you not to chase us, or something terrible will happen." "Who are you trying to scare!" The head yamen runner clearly didn't believe Lu Yang, thinking it was just a bluff. There were only twenty-one rules in Buyi Town; nothing like what Lu Yang described could possibly happen. "Get them!" Seeing that they refused to listen to reason, Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou sighed, turned, and ran. Before the yamen runners had run very far, one of them clutched his stomach and rolled on the ground, sweat beading on his forehead from the pain. "My lower abdomen hurts so much!" As if triggering a chain reaction, one after another clutched their bellies and cried out in agony. Even the head yamen runner couldn't bear it, curling up on the ground to dull the pain, unable to stand at all. "The meat buns were poisoned..." The head yamen runner glared fixedly at Lu Yang, convinced they had poisoned the food. Lu Yang strolled over at an easy pace. "I told you earlier not to chase us, but you wouldn't listen. Now look what happened." "Where did you get poison!" The head yamen runner couldn't fathom it. There was no way the medicine shopkeeper would brew poison for Lu Yang, so where could he have gotten it? Lu Yang crouched down, patted the head yamen runner's head, and said warmly, "Remember, you shouldn't engage in strenuous exercise right after a meal, or you'll easily get appendicitis. "Read more books. Don't assume everything is poison. We belong to an orthodox, prestigious sect—how could we ever use poison?" As one of the Five Great Immortal Sects, the Dao Seeking Sect conducted itself with upright integrity and would never stoop to something so tasteless as poisoning. At the very least, no living enemy had ever encountered the Dao Seeking Sect using poison. Writhing in agonizing abdominal pain, the yamen runners rolled on the ground, while those who were still fine stood terrified of Lu Yang, not daring to make a move. And so, Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou vanished right before their eyes in broad daylight. What the two didn't notice were the gazes of the Buyi Town townsfolk lining the street, their eyes filled with horror. "Thank goodness those two are following the ordinary rules. If they put on black clothes and became yamen runners, would any of us have a chance at surviving?" "Tell me about it! And they even claim to be from an orthodox sect! For all we know, they're undercover agents planted in the righteous path by some demonic cult!" The townsfolk of Buyi Town felt fortunate that Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou were on their side; otherwise, they feared they wouldn't survive past three days. On the sixth day at the hour of Si, the yamen runners wised up. They took the meat buns without eating them and blocked the inn's entrance. Having anticipated this, Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou vaulted out a second-floor window and fled. "After them! Don't let them get away!" Two days of resentment had accumulated to a terrifying degree. Recalling yesterday's agonizing pain, the yamen runners wished they could tear them to shreds. Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou ran with growing familiarity. What the yamen runners failed to notice was that as the chase went on, they had run right into the private school's territory. When the private school teacher saw Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou, he ground his teeth in hatred and summoned the people studying inside the school. Those studying in the private school could no longer be called humans. Black fur covered their entire bodies, their snouts were elongated, and the worse-off ones sprawled flat on the ground, only a step away from becoming black dogs. "Seize them!" the private school teacher commanded. Seeing this, the yamen runners also grew furious. How dare anyone compete with them for their quarry?! The private school teacher still wanted to make eye contact with Lu Yang, but Lu Yang was already prepared and pulled out a bronze mirror, holding it in front of his face. "Why don't you take a look at your own hideous mug instead!" In the bronze mirror, the private school teacher saw his skinless face and blood-red eyes. With a wail of anguish, his body began mutating, and he hastily retreated into the academy to sew his mouth shut. Bereft of the private school teacher's direction, the black dog-men acted on their previous command and brawled with the yamen runners. Taking advantage of the chaos, Lu Yang and Meng Jingzhou hauled out one of the yamen runners and tried to strip off his clothes, only to find that no matter what they did, the garments wouldn't come off. They could only settle for the next best thing, searching the yamen runner and procuring the Buyi Town Yamen Runner Rules. Just like the waiter, to avoid forgetting their rules, the yamen runners kept a copy on them at all times. Having obtained what they wanted, the two beat a swift retreat. As for the yamen runners, the two chose to respect their wishes—if they wanted to fight, let them fight.